


One Last Gig

by ruruie



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Buried Alive, Cunnilingus, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt/Comfort, I decided to flip that and make V the fuck up, I really went off with the tropes because I couldn't help myself, I think this might be my last long work, I'll add tags if there's more, Kinda, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Past Abuse, Road Trips, Sexual Harassment, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Why?, it's cheesy and I don't care, it's in snow but I still want people to know just in case, lovers to strangers, so I'm going to be as indulgent as I possibly can, so we have, solely for the angst potential and I just be loving the enemies to lovers tag, then back to lovers, there are so many fics where Johnny is the one who runs, uh oh I'm punching the readers in the face again, yeah it's pretty heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 80,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29053446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruruie/pseuds/ruruie
Summary: A year ago V ran away from her feelings, realizing how hopelessly in love with Johnny she was, knowing he'd never love her back in the same way. Retreating back in to Nomad life, living among the Aldecaldos, V learns some vital information about a man she promised to kill if she ever found him. Unable to trust anyone else to help her with the task, V drags Johnny along for the ride, one last gig for them both. When it was over, the plan is to part ways for good. Though, things with V rarely go according plan.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 603
Kudos: 280





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you clicking on this fic to read it :3 I've been having a lot of fun crafting this little story. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I could watch these two fall in love over and over again in so many ways. But, I wanted to play around with V being the one running from her feelings, rather than Johnny (or at least doing so before Johnny even had the chance). I hope you enjoy reading this first chapter <3

Dust kicked up behind her truck, wheels barely hitting the sand as she floored it to Night City. One whole year had passed since V left the place behind, riding off with Panam once her business there was done. Lose ends tied off in a neat little bow, paying every debt she ever owed – minus one thing she had been running from.

This city was not home – that used to be with the Bakkers, now it’s with someone else – but it was the second closest thing. Even being in the Aldecaldo camp didn’t compare much with the feeling she got from being on the streets in Night City. Sticking out like a sore thumb, everyone knew this Nomad girl did hail from this city of the here and now, but rather should be out in the dust and heat of the desert, but still it felt like somewhere she belonged. Turns and stops all feeling right, she knew how to get to the place she needed to be. V had this path mapped to her genetic code. 

A friendly hello to some people she knew, ones that she figured would never leave that building. Wilson was still Wilson, trying his damnedest to sell guns to anyone who walked by, but falling short because of his know it all attitude. Coach Fred was still coaching some up and coming fighters, pulling them into the circuit and hoping they could best what V did, taking down a fucking champion boxer. All the same piss soaked halls with the same faces. 

Even her door looked the same, nothing added or removed. Still had her name on the lease, technically, though she wasn’t the one who occupied the space. Didn’t pay rent for it either, but she didn’t feel like leaving a certain rockerboy on his ass in Night City when she didn’t have plans to stick around. Button pressed, it slid open without any resistance, knowing her as the rightful occupant and not a guest. No need to knock, she knew Johnny wasn’t home. On her way in she called both Kerry and Rogue to check on her whereabouts, and learned an interesting bit of trivia about what Silverhand was doing with his time now. And, if Rogue was correct, he’d be done with her latest job for him soon enough. 

Ass planted firmly on the couch she once owned, she placed a foot on the coffee table and draped her arms over the back. The place looked almost the same, but just in a darker color scheme, bedding also replaced with something black and white – typical. All her old belongings mixed with Johnny’s penchant for decorating with only two colors. Her little cat collection sat untouched, and she had to thank Johnny for honoring that request when he got home. When they lived together for a year she watched as her home became his, the sting of her choice to ride off with Panam hopefully lessened by that fact. Though, if she had to guess, he was probably pretty fucking pleased he didn’t have to sleep on the couch anymore, the cushions permanently dented in the shape of his body. Probably the only thing he was pleased with.

Speaking of cats, she looked around for a bit, finding Nibbles asleep on one of Johnny’s pillows. Knowing full well not to disturb the cat, she let him be, just content with the fact that he seemed to be doing well. He was certainly well fed, much larger than when she left.

Door sliding open, she braced herself, knowing he’d probably be pretty surprised to see the woman who saved his life sitting right there on his couch. And surprising Johnny Silverhand was a mixed bag of things that might not end too well. But, V was armed and dangerous at all times, and nothing he did could ever take her down. 

Malorian drawn and pointed her way, V just kept her cool, knowing he wouldn’t shoot first. She wasn’t a walking Arasaka logo. “Hands up, bitch! You picked the wrong motherfucker – V? Fuckin’ shit.” Holstering the gun, Johnny and V just looked at each other, V’s face falling a bit. But, she had to play it cool – make it seem like this was a casual thing and not something she debated over for the entire ride over to Night City. Smirk on her face, she dropped her now tense shoulders, trying her hardest to remain level. Put on an act to try and retain some level of normalcy before she asked something of him. Would it work? Not likely. But, it was the plan she was going with. 

“What? It’s only been a year, Johnny. And it’s not like I don’t call sometimes. Though, you don’t pick up, so. Had to drop in to talk to ya.” 

Tattooed hands rubbed his face before he started to remove his gear, placing everything in the closet she once used. She noticed he added a new tattoo to his collection, and she’d have to ask about it once she talked business with him – if he agreed to talk business at all. No more words were exchanged while he went about the apartment, doing what could only assume was his usual routine when he came home. 

“No words to say to an old choom? Hurt, honest.” V was baiting him, hoping to get him to say something, though it was likely that he was still pretty pissed at her for leaving him here in the city, either going to yell at her or give her the silent treatment. Their last exchange before she headed off to the Aldecaldo camp was less than friendly, and she was sure it would take more than a year’s time of healing for them to get back on even speaking terms – if ever. But, what she had to do was time sensitive. 

Instead of sitting with her on the couch, he sat on the bed, glaring at her from afar. “You wanna talk hurt? Fuck you. And fuck you even more for thinkin’ you can just drop in like nothin’ fuckin’ happened between us. Did all that shit to put me back in my body, and there you go, runnin’ away like it was all fine. Suck my dick.” 

“I’d bite it and you know it. Look, I told you then and I’ll you again. I’m a Nomad at heart, and it was a lot to even stick ‘round Night City for as long as I did. I just...I needed to go. I offered to take you with me...” An offer she knew he would refuse, but that wasn’t the point in offering it in the first place. She wanted to soften the blow of her absence, but that never happened.

“You know damn well how I feel ‘bout that shit – so you can fuck right off with that. So what do you want, V? Know you’re not here for a friendly visit either. Never that way with you anymore.” Contempt never left his face, and V was starting to fear he wouldn’t honor what she knows she’s owed. 

“Fine. Got some personal biz. Was gonna call in a favor, since you owe me a lot, but I don’t think you’ll actually go for that, and neither will your employer for stealing her new favorite merc. I’ll pay eddies – preem eddies – in exchange for you helpin’ me out. One last gig, for old time’s sake.” Her face fell again, that smirk of hers turning into a more serious line. Relaxed pose left, she leaned forward taking her leg off the coffee table and resting her elbows on her knees. 

Johnny just stayed tense, not budging, but his foot started tapping. A good sign. “What fuckin’ counts as ‘personal biz,’ V? Thought you paid off all your fuckin’ debts. Left me a free man, as you put it. Pretty ironic, given the city you dumped me in.” 

All those guilty feelings about leaving him here were starting to well up again, but she could deal with them at a later date. It was 2080 after all – the year of the Rat, and Misty said that 2080 was for new beginnings. To start over. Called her back during the Chinese New Year to tell her that one, since V gets those yearly updates. She didn’t want to start over with Johnny, really, nor did she ever expect him to forgive her. But there had to be a reason all the stuff she learned happened in this year – fortune on her side. It at least gave her hope that Johnny would agree to help, even if it meant getting paid and not repaying a debt.

“Look, let’s just drop that for a moment. Your ass owes me. Owes me a lot. And I’m willin’ to pay. This ain’t some debt I owe to some shady ass fixer or loan shark. Nah. This is as personal as it gets for me, Johnny. And like last time I just --” 

His laugh ripped through the room, skeptical and cold. “Oh, see my manipulative ways rubbed on you. Not gonna work on me, cunt. You want to drag me back out with you for some personal vendetta? Eat shit – I’m not doin’ that. You tell me that I owe you, but I don’t recall askin’ you to do anythin’ for me. Not once did I beg to have my life back. And see, I’m not even grateful for it – everyone in my life moved their asses along, leavin’ me behind. Including you. Way I see it, I don’t owe you jack shit.” 

“I get it Johnny, but --”

“Do you!? Do you fuckin’ get it, V!? ‘Cause I don’t think you do! But sure, pretend you know me. Pretend you know my fuckin’ thoughts. Didn’t even read me right when we were one person.” 

This wasn’t going as planned. She hoped that somewhere the Johnny that changed, the one who cried with her in the Net, the one who embraced her like she was his anchor when he took his first breath of his new life, would be the one to come out and accept her request. Alas, she got a pretty pissed off Johnny. Warranted – highly warranted, really. The hurt she caused him, the pain of having to watch her walk out, she couldn’t erase that. Wasn’t trying to right now, that could be done later if he ever wanted to go that route. She needed help, plain and simple, and Johnny was the one person who would understand enough to take this seriously. Though, she supposed not all was lost, given he didn’t shoot her or try and kick her out. Cards on the table, that’s all she had left.

“I finally found him, Johnny, and --”

“Found fuckin’ who, V? You’re damn cryptic, and news flash, I can’t just dig around in your head anymore to get the info out.”

“I found _him _, Johnny.” She let the stress in her voice do the talking for her, knowing the dots would connect soon enough. “And I need help flatlinin’ his ass.” That made Johnny stop bouncing, sitting up straighter, eyes not in an intense glare. Eventually, he leaned back, legs spread, a more kind look on his face. She was more familiar with this Johnny.__

__“Fuckin’ hell. After all these years? Shit...Why not call on the Aldecaldos? Figure you’d drag Panam out with you instead of me.” A valid question, given her current affiliations._ _

__“That’s the thing...you’re the only one who knows ‘bout this part of my past to begin with...You’re the one person I trust...Only one who really, truly, knows how much this means to me. And you’re a big enough asshole to push me when I need it.”_ _

__“Ha! Don’t want her to see you break down like a baby when you put a gun to his head, too afraid to pop ‘im?” Her lack of response was enough to tell him that was also a concern. There was no telling what she would do when she actually found the guy, and Johnny was cold enough to just end it before V started getting too emotional over it all._ _

__“Told me you saw that particular memory play out, emotions with it and all, so yeah, that’s liable to happen. I just...I need help. If anythin’ I’ll go to Rogue, offer to hire you – put some eddies down, like I said. Don’t even have to have a personal stake in the whole thing if you don’t want. For you, all you’ll need to do is help me get to the guy when we arrive. Think of it as a paid vacation. You in?”_ _

__Foot tapping again, he nodded. “How long am I gonna be outta the city?”_ _

__“Two weeks,” V held up two fingers to drive the point home, “max. Shouldn’t be more than that – don’t plan on it at least. And if it is I’ll pay double. Got enough after becomin’ Night City’s most sought after merc, and not like the Aldecaldos make me pay rent. Lemme ask again: you in?”_ _

__“You’re gonna have to explain this to Rogue. I’m not fuckin’ doin’ it for you.”_ _

__“Not like I haven’t called on her before, and not like I’m a stranger to pissin’ her off. Neither are you. That’s the least of our worries.” Cheek in her palm now, she watched as Johnny thought, sorting through all the things in his head. Weighing options, weighing the fact that he and V would be forced together again, likely for the final time due to her own insecurities and flighty personality – all things her fault. The damage she had done to their relationship was likely to never be fixed, but she knew for a fact that they both still trusted the other in some weird way. That if the other called with a secret or a task, it would be honored. Knew that the other would sacrifice their lives in a heart beat, regardless of how long they had been apart. No matter the hurt, no matter the time, nothing could erase that. V knew it. Johnny knew it. And it’s why she didn’t even think about going to anyone else, her only issue being whether or not she had the right to ask._ _

__Standing up, Johnny walked over to where she was seated on the couch, arm extended out to her. Grasping it by the forearm, he pulled her up, much the same as he had before they stormed Arasaka Tower together at the end of their journey three years ago. However, there was a distinct lack of camaraderie in this grab, though, his face morphed into a snarl as he spoke._ _

__“One last gig, V.”_ _


	2. Night Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth  
>  Call you a bitch and leave?  
> Why did I come here? To sit and watch you stare at your feet?  
> What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands? ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!!! So, a little info. The songs as the titles and the lyrics in the summary are directly related to Johnny's state of mind. Since this won't have shifting POVs, if you want a little info on what he's thinking check them out :3

Nibbles finally awake, V held him in her arms, cat curled up on her chest with his face tucked under her chin. Awkward silences only broken by Johnny asking V what he should pack and what kind of gear he would need. Asking about the danger level of the job, and where they’re even headed off too. It felt professional, like they were both working with a client, and it sucked. 

“Guy’s out in Atlanta, so this is a cross continental journey. Gonna need to pack a blanket and pillows, since we’ll be doin’ most of the sleepin’ in my ride. And before you start bitchin’, the Aldecaldos have been movin’ camp a bunch, so the back of my beast’s like a bedroom.” Nibbles’ purrs soothed her nerves, loving the fact the cat was still so happy to see her after all this time. Eventually, he took Nibbles from V, putting him inside a carrier, left without something to comfort her.

“I’m not fuckin’ sharin’ that with you. Who’s sleepin’ inside the car?” Johnny continued to pack his clothes and gear, all things haphazardly shoved inside a bag, which V had to resist the urge to reorganize. 

“I will...I’m draggin’ your ass out to the East coast, so figure...Figure you can sleep on the mattress.” It was the least she could do given the circumstances. Plus, she often slept in the frontseat of her truck when she only had time for a quick nap. “It’s memory foam, too. Pretty preem. Nicer than this shit mattress, unless you replaced it.” 

A grunt was all she got in response. Everything about this made her want to run again, pretend she never asked, but she couldn’t back down now. May as well go ahead and set up the meeting with Rogue, knowing that she’d need to talk to the woman if she was going to officially hire Johnny. Letting him know her intentions, she stepped out into the hall, holo pulled out to call the fixer. 

“I’m guessing you found your target. Great work, V. He can be rather elusive at times,” sarcasm adorned her voice, and V couldn’t tell why, but it was there nonetheless. “Why call now? Unless you need something.” 

“Know me so well, Rogue. Yeah, I do. And this time I’m givin’ you the eddies for the work, not the other way around. I’m hirin’ Johnny for a gig, and you’re the fixer that pimps him out. Figure if I’m blowin’ eddies on this thing, I could ask you for some intel, makin’ sure I get the best stuff on the market.” 

The older woman smirked, clearly intrigued. “This something I get to know the details of, or are you going to be as vague as you were with Hellman?” 

“Vague is best. Not exactly the best type of mission I’m tryin’ to pull. All I need is a complete map of Atlanta. Every street, tunnel, secret place in the city – everything. And if you can’t get me that information, I’d like to know who could.” 

“Really think you have the eddies for this kind of information? This isn’t some backwater city we’re talking about here, V. This is Atlanta. A complete map – complete with all your specs – can be acquired, but it won’t be something you can afford. I know that for a fact. My estimated cost is going to be over a million eddies.” 

Shit. Biting her thumb nail, she thought of a way to still get what she wanted without the hefty price tag. Negotiating price with Rogue was out of the question, and she needed all the secrets of the city if she was going to track down her target. Not like she had six months to spend out there to learn everything like she did in Night City, and even then the city changed so much she doubts all the secret routes were still in use. 

“V, I can get you information on the person you’re hunting. That would be cheaper.” 

“It would...but...I don’t want people knowin’ who I’m huntin’ down. Not even you, Rogue. Again, vague is best. And I got all the information I need on him through my own contacts. So it’s not really necessary.” 

The woman’s sigh was one of exasperation, knowing well that what V was doing was going to end in another string of bodies. “I just hope you’re not trying to tangle with another big name target.” V stayed silent, prompting yet another sigh. “Okay, I won’t push. But I’d like you to consider the mess you got yourself in three years ago trying to take on something bigger than you can chew. It really worth all that risk? Worth the risk to Johnny?” 

“Worth riskin’ my skin? Fuck yeah it is. With Johnny, he is givin’ me his help, even if I am payin’ him, and he knows damn well who I’m goin’ after. So...risks understood by both parties.” She wouldn’t let this bite Johnny in the ass. Not if she could help it. Her life for his, if it came down to it, and if they were successful she could die in peace. 

“Oh to be young again. Fine, I’ll see what I can get you. At the very least I can find you a rudimentary map of the city that’s not available to the public. Won’t be everything, but it will be something more than what you can pick up at a rest stop. And you don’t need anything other than that? No gear?” V shook her head at the question, and Rogue nodded. “Alright. Good. Call you in 24 hours, and we’ll talk price. Gives you time to sort out things in the city on Johnny’s end. Sure he needs the time.” 

Wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear, given the time sensitive nature of the journey, but she had to live with it. If Rogue said 24 hours then she meant it. And if she got the stuff before then, she’d call. Call ended, V pocketed her holo, going back into her old apartment. Shifting from foot to foot, she tapped the toe of her boots to the floor as she did, trying to signal her arrival back in and the eventual conversation she wanted to start.

“So...uh...24 hours. Rogue agreed to everythin’, but I need some stuff from her, so...that’s the time she gave me. Guess I’ll see you then?” Johnny had his back to her, looking out of the window. He quit smoking before she left, and from the smell inside she thinks he hasn’t picked the habit back up. Still, he looked like he was itching for one, staring out of the window wishing he could take the edge off. After all this time, she felt she could still read his thoughts, even though she knows she couldn’t. 

“Where the fuck are you gonna sleep, V? Got a plan for that?” There was concern there, still worried about her after all this time, but fucking Christ did he sound pissed off. Like he was ready to start yelling at her at any moment. 

“Thought ‘bout my truck or on the couch in Vik’s place. Misty’s pad only has her bed and a rug, so ain’t too cozy. Won’t ask to sleep here, alright? You’re stuck with just me for a couple weeks, so…Give you one final night to yourself...If I call when things are done, will ya pick up?” 

Fist pounding on the windowsill, Johnny finally faced her, face cold and distant. “Nah, I won’t. I’ll call you tomorrow mornin’. Not stayin’ the night here, so it’s all yours – gives you time to clean your shit out, ‘cause I don’t really want it. That’s what you can do in the 24 hours we got ‘til we head out. Pick me up when I call – don’t do that and I won’t go.” Grabbing the bag by the door and Nibble’s carrier, he pushed past V rather roughly, not even uttering a goodbye. If doors could be slammed still, she’s sure he would have slammed it. 

Looking around, she was at least glad he didn’t pack his bedding yet, ignoring her request there. She’d pack it for him in the morning. Sitting on the bed, she looked at the time, too early to even think about going to bed and sleeping for 24 hours. Debating, she thought about visiting Kerry, knowing he knew she was in town, but that might be too messy. While he never officially took sides, she knew he was Johnny’s friend first. Plus, as Kerry put it, even though she and Johnny never dated, their departure from each other’s lives felt like a breakup. 

Kerry was right, of course, a lot smarter than people give him credit for. Being in her old space, decorated with his things and hers, the fact he wanted them gone but never destroyed them, it felt like a break up. It made her chest hurt to think about it. Shit, she still had his jacket and the tags he gave her, not wanting to get rid of them. Even wore the jacket from time to time, and on those nights she would get drunk and call him, leaving him voicemails that he probably deleted without listening to. 

All she had was heartache and the fact that she’s the one who did this to herself. Running away from a perceived problem like she always did. 

The shelf in her little alcove hosted mostly her things, and even had the dream catcher from Misty still hanging above the bed. Samurai tapes and things she could only guess were from Kerry dotted the shelves, but it was mostly her stuff. If she cleaned it out it would feel empty, though she guessed that was fitting. A year apart, and V felt like she was missing a part of her soul. If she hadn’t had an excuse to come and drag Johnny along with her on an adventure, she doesn’t know what she would have done. 

Getting to work, she placed every one of her belongings on the coffee table, planning on bringing them to her truck soon enough. As the pile got bigger, the place felt emptier. She didn’t take the posters off the wall. That would be his work if he wanted them gone. The whole process only took an hour, and that was with her going at a snail’s pace. She had 23 to kill, and that left her feeling even worse. 

Visiting Vik and Misty seemed like a good idea, but she’d be out of the city in less time than she’d like for a visit with them. Plus, she called them regularly, and so she didn’t feel too much of a need to stop in. Judy was no longer in Night City, and she and River had an even more awkward relationship than she and Johnny. Maybe she should just sleep it off. Probably the last time she’d get a full night’s sleep, having to drive fast out to Atlanta. 

Nothing to sleep in but her clothes, she debated grabbing one of Johnny’s shirts to put on, but that seemed like a bad move. Pants off, she knew she could at least sleep in her t-shirt. Covers over her, she rolled on her side, closing her eyes. She had gotten pretty good at willing herself to sleep, and so this was easy. What wasn’t was the fact that everything smelled like Johnny. 

And as she woke up hours later, things still smelled like Johnny. Didn’t help her holo was going off, his contact picture appearing. 

“Hey...” her voice was rough from sleep, trying to fix her bedhead in the little image of herself in the holo. He looked a lot better off than her. 

“I’m sendin’ you the address. When you get here we’re gonna head to the Afterlife. Dunno if Rogue has our shit, but she’s gonna expedite it. Gettin’ this over with as quick as possible.” 

“Sure, alright. See ya in a --” He hung up on her. Stepping out of bed, she packed up his bedding like she said she would, and placed all her things in a bag that was hers, mistakenly left there. Things in hand and dressed once more, she walked down to the garage, the back way, so that she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone she knew. 

Address punched in, she fired up her beast of a truck, happy that the place she was going to was only a few blocks away, arriving and parking rather quickly. Climbing the stairs, she double checked the apartment number before knocking. Standing back, she waited for someone to answer.

Door open, Johnny stood in the doorway, turned away from her, talking to the occupant in hushed voices. He probably forgot, but V had implants that allowed her to hear even the smallest of noises. Nothing like what a BD could pick up, but still better than average human hearing. 

“Two weeks, alright? Just make sure Nibbles is fed. Don’t need him kickin’ the bucket while I’m gone.” 

“Yeah, sure. If it’s longer should I call someone?” The voice was a woman, and peaked past Johnny, V saw that she was pretty, young, blonde, and was holding their cat. Well, Johnny’s cat now she supposed. 

“Nah. V won’t let me die. If it goes on longer it’s ‘cause of some fuck up she did, not me.”

“Mhm, sure. Definitely not you.” This time the girl peaked at her, a small wave thrown V’s way. V waved back a little awkwardly. “Okay, if you trust her, I trust her. Dunno all you two went through, but from what I can tell it was something deeper than I could ever understand. I’m sure she’ll keep you safe. Said this was important to her, so she’s gonna wanna keep you in tact. Alright, well if I don’t hear from you in a month I’m gonna start callin’ people to come get you. Be safe, Johnny.” 

“I will, don’t worry. Check in with Rogue every few days. She’ll wanna know you’re alright. I’ll call when I can, but I’ll secure the line, so it’ll be short, if you get anythin’ more than a voicemail.” The girl nodded, and waved at V again, who waved back a little more confidently. Johnny moved out of the way, giving the girl full view of V without him shielding her. 

“Keep Johnny safe! He’s kinda stupid, but I’m sure you know that. And I’ll make sure this little guy is well taken care of!” Whoever this girl was, V liked her, even if she was a little jealous that she got to see the side of Johnny that V got to see first. 

“Sure! Do my best. And Nibbles gets cold at night, and I’m sure Johnny told you, but he needs lotion put on his skin every three days. He’s an itchy little thing.” The girl giggled, nodding. 

“He did, don’t worry! Even gave me the special lotion. You two have fun now!” Taking Nibbles’ paw in her hand, she made the cat wave them off. Door closed, she was alone with Johnny again, who still didn’t want to look at her. 

“Thanks again, for comin’ with me. Know this ain’t easy. So, let’s get goin’. To the Afterlife, right?” 

He just walked off towards the garage, not even gracing her with a response. V trotted along, having to jog to get in front of him to lead him to the truck, opening the back so he could place his bag inside. 

“Collected my stuff, like you told me to...Even packed your bed...ding...” A sigh, and V was left standing alone while he got into the car, giving her the silent treatment. Hopping into the front seat, she turned the key, engine roaring, and she locked the doors, making sure Johnny would listen to her and not get out before she was done. 

“Look. Two fuckin’ weeks, Johnny. Can you at least talk to me during that time? After that I won’t call you again. Won’t even look at you. Told you, I collected my shit – you won’t be left with anythin’ from me once this is over. But I don’t wanna sit here in a fuckin’ truck with you just not even lookin’ at me. Makes me feel like what we went through didn’t matter.” 

“Funny you say that. Now you know how I feel. You little act of wantin’ shit to be normal is hella fucked up, you know. Sounds like shit I used to say.” Deep breaths, and V nodded, reminding herself this isn’t going to be easy for either of them. “Just fuckin’ go to the Afterlife. I’ll think ‘bout it on the way there.” 

“Fine. Will do.” 

Night City traffic made the drive take longer than normal, and Johnny even turned off the radio to be a real dick about the whole thing, leaving V in complete silence, her truck soundproof. Nothing of the city got in, not even the stench, a hermetically sealed chamber that filled with all the resentment Johnny pushed out. 

Stepping out when they arrived at the Afterlife felt like she was born anew, finally able to breathe after being held under water. Familiar steps, a smile from Emmerick, and a cheery greeting from Claire all ushered in her arrival. Rogue’s booth was empty, minus her hustle, and V sat down in her usual spot, Rogue pulled from whatever she was doing. Johnny sat on the back of the couch, lanky legs still needing to be folded up a tad. 

“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite people,” the sarcasm was back again, and V just shrugged it off. “Always know the right time to stop in. Just got the information you wanted. Even threw in a bonus.” Shard passed to V, she placed it in her port. Johnny got his own shard, both of them seeing what was displayed there. 

“An entire map of Atlanta. Lists of all the gangs, corps, and big name fixers in the city. The underground economy works almost the same as Night City’s so you should feel right at home. Each faction has control of different portions of the city. Not sure who you’re after, but you’ll likely need to know who’s who and who not to piss off, which both of you are liable to do. I also have some of the secret routes in and out of the city placed on the map. Not all, but some. Those came at a high cost.” 

V started biting her thumb nail again, thinking of how she’ll cough up the eddies for this. 

“If you’re worried about eddies, don’t be. I’ll charge you half now, which is what you can afford, and ask for the rest later. Just be sure I get them or I will find you.” Threat not taken lightly, V nodded. “Good. Now for the bonus.” The display shifted to a map of the NUSA, a line running through the country shown. “Mapped out your trip for you. Safest routes with the least amount of checkpoints. If I know you well, V – and I’m sure I do – I know you’ll likely be staying nights not in motel rooms. Smart, given you don’t want a trace of where you are before you hit the city, just in case you have to high tail it outta there on the way back – route undiscovered. So each dot is a stopping point you can take, each place remote and has natural defenses of some kind. Run a chance of running into some varlet Nomad groups, but I doubt it. Just keep your eyes peeled. This part’s on me. I want you both back alive and with as much of your bodies in tact as possible.” 

Display cut, V took out her shard, placing it in the holder. “Thank you, Rogue. I really ‘preciate this.” 

“You two bested Smasher for me, right? Left me out of a literal suicide mission, where I likely wouldn’t have limped out of there alive. I don’t do things for free, but I recognize I shouldn’t owe you many favors, V. And, this isn’t charity. As I said, I’m getting eddies for this.” Calm, cool, collected, Rogue spoke to V without a hint of familiarity, but V knew better. Rogue was being nice to them. 

“Again, you don’t need gear? Supplies?” 

“Nope,” standing up, V smoothed out her clothes, looking at Johnny who also rose from his seat. “Got all the food I need, and I’m well stocked on guns and ammo. Any contacts you have in Atlanta that you trust that I can call on if things get tough?” 

“Already contacted. They know who you two are and that you’re connected to me. They won’t call you, but I’ll flick you their detes. Only call if you are absolutely in a bind.” 

“You’ve always been the best, Rogue.” Johnny’s tone was still off, but his words were true. Rogue was, is, and will always be the best. 

“Don’t forget that.” Smug look on her face, she leaned back, more relaxed now that these two were better prepared. “And I mean it, come back alive. I don’t want to make funeral arrangements for you two.” 

With that, they left the Afterlife, headed back into the truck. This time, Johnny watched as V pulled herself into the driver’s seat, inserting the shard into the slot in her truck. Map projected, she saw the first stop was only eight hours away, and that would be plenty of driving for the first day. Each stop was spaced out much longer than that, the whole trip taking three days if they hauled ass. Shorter if she didn’t sleep, though she’d have to see if that was even possible.

“I’ll be the one to drive. Don’t gotta worry ‘bout it. If you want, you can hang in the back of the truck in what is my room. Don’t have to force yourself to stay up here with me. Figure you sayin’ nothin’ means you’ve made up your mind.” 

“Yeah, I think that might be for the best.” Furiously punching in the power button her radio, she was left with her music on, but no Johnny to keep her company. The hooded bed of her truck was popped open and she heard him climb in. Giving him a moment, she let him get comfortable before she shifted gears and peeled off, eager to leave Night City behind and get to Atlanta. Johnny’s shitty mood put a wet blanket on it all, but at least she wasn’t alone. Wouldn’t die alone in the city if it came to it. And at the end of the day, she knew Johnny would drag her corpse home and give her a proper burial, no matter how much he hated her right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented on chapter 1!!! <3 makes me so happy to see people already enjoying this fic :3 hope everyone reading this is doing well!


	3. The Noose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And not to pull your halo down  
>  Around your neck and tug you to the ground  
> But I'm more than just a little curious  
> How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends  
> To the dead ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter I feel is mostly exposition and planting little seeds here and there for later things, making it a little dry, but still very important :3

It didn’t even take three hours before Johnny was pounding on the glass that separated the backseat and the bed of the truck. Pulling over, V ran to the back, opening the hatch and letting her lanky companion out. 

“Gotta piss,” was all he said, running off to the side of the truck, and V crawled into the back of the truck to give him some privacy. Searching, she found her stash of snacks, taking out a bag of some dried meat, cracking it open and eating half. She left the rest of the bag in the back for Johnny when he came back. 

Looking around the space she called a room when she was on the road, V thought she did pretty well for herself back here. Built in shelves that fold up when she was driving, compartments under where her pillows were for gear and food, and the mattress was pretty damn comfy. Even had lights strung up to make it even cozier. Though, she did notice her comforter was still on the bed, and she should swap out the bedding. If it was bad enough sleeping in Johnny’s bed, she didn’t want him to have to deal with that himself. Taking her comforter and pillows with her, she exited the back just as Johnny was walking back up. 

“Shit, V. Didn’t think you were that heartless. Stealin’ my fuckin’ bedding too? Cunt.” 

Rolling her eyes, she threw them in the backseat, taking out his bedding to put back there. “Ya know, it’s not my fault that you didn’t pack the shit I asked you to, but I’m a nice person – brought your bedding with me! Was even gonna make the bed for you, but I see you chose to be a dick about it.” Throwing his stuff at him, she huffed off back to the driver’s seat, waiting for him to tap the glass or give some signal that he was comfortable again. What she didn’t expect was for him to hop in the passenger’s seat, legs placed on the dashboard, hand in the bag of dried meat she left for him back there.

“Gave your little offer some thought,” he pointed in front of him, and V got the message that she should continue driving. Heeding that, they were off again. “And yeah, figure I can’t just ignore you for two weeks. That might actually get us killed, since I gotta know the plan.” V snorted, knowing damn well he couldn’t shut up for more than a few hours at a time. “But I need to know you’re gonna hold up your end of the bargain.”

“What? The part where we part ways forever? Don’t worry, if that’s what you want, I’ll honor it. At the end, I’ll delete your contact from my holo, and I’ll be off. Might have to stick ‘round Night City a little longer to get the eddies for Rogue, but that won’t be your problem.” 

“Fuckin’ better not be. So,” it was clear his mouth full, but he kept talking, V had forgotten that habit of his, “how’d you even find the bastard?” Given everything, that was a pretty neutral topic, apparent he was dedicated to trying to keep things as civil as possible. 

“’Member Scorpion? Guy who died when he downed the transport to get Hellman?” Johnny nodded, continuing to eat. “It was the three year anniversary of his death, and the Aldecaldos wanted to honor him again. Honor everyone who ever rode with ‘em that died on the journey. They’re gonna start usin’ that day to just pay tribute to ‘em all. Cassidy and Carol start talkin’ ‘bout all the people they lost, and a familiar name came up. Peaked my interest, for obvious reasons.” 

That got Johnny to look at her, arms behind his head as he turned to face her. “Alright, so guy somehow got tangled with the Aldecaldos. But, wasn’t that little thing to honor dead guys? How’d you figure out he was alive?”

“Saul let that one slip, sorta. Apparently, they never found his body, which I found kinda odd, given the circumstances. Just assumed him dead – though he’s a lot more crafty than people give him credit. Doin’ a little more pokin’ around, Saul caught on to what I askin’ for. Or, at least he figured out that I wanted to know if this guy was alive. Gave me a lead, and I took it. Saul doesn’t know why I’m lookin’, but he let me slip outta camp without a second thought. Panam knows I’m gone too – pretty pissed at me for it, but price to pay right? The rest don’t know why I left at all, and so when I go back to camp – if I go back to camp – I’ll be an outcast for a while.”

“Not gonna say you don’t deserve that fate. Fuck, not even gonna say I’m not pleased they’re mad at ya. But alright, so that got you to where you found his ass in Atlanta. Got drinks?” V pointed behind her to a cooler in the floor of the truck. Lid open, Johnny dug around, handing V a drink as well. Always knew her favorite. “Why’s he out there?” 

Sipping from the can, she sighed, knowing this was the most dangerous bit. “Well, he somehow wormed his slimy ass up the chain of an Atlanta based gang. Our wonderful friend Yorinobu wasn’t the only rich corpo that wanted to play gangbanger for a day. Militech’s CEO had a fuck ton of kids. One decided to defect from the family business and start a gang in Atlanta, all to run drugs and people across the NUSA. Dabble in a little weapons dealing, too, but I think that hits too close to home for the fucker to do that as a primary source of income. They’re called The Dogs, and they’re real nasty motherfuckers. Unlike the Steel Dragons, this gang actually flourished.” 

“What’s with corpo kids pickin’ the dumbest fuckin’ names? So he’s a gangoon now. And if you’re right about their power, how the fuck are we supposed to even touch him? Gonna have a detail the size of Watson.”

V actually laughed at that one, thinking he actually took her seriously when she asked him to forget what happened between them. “You jokin’? We stormed ‘Saka Tower – alone. One woman army sittin’ right next to you. Not to mention, you one shot people with that pistol of yours. Saw it with my own eyes. I don’t think we have to worry ‘bout detail. And, I don’t plan on goin’ in, guns out. Our problem will be locatin’ him without raisin’ suspicion. Just don’t feel like runnin’ into too much trouble in a city we’re not familiar with. But, Rogue’s intel should help.” 

“Think this guy knows you’ve been askin’ about him? People like this are usually well informed.”

“Shouldn’t...tried to cover my tracks, but there’s a possibility, yeah. Though, people like him are more likely to snub people like me out as soon as they catch wind someone is lookin’ for ‘em. So I doubt we’ll run into any trouble before we get to Atlanta.” 

Johnny sat there for a while, looking at her, eyes narrowed and scanning. On account of driving, she couldn’t look back, allowing him to look her up and down like he was trying to decide whether or not to kill her. “So, this is short for you have no fuckin’ clue how we’re doin’ this. That’s fuckin’ typical. And, believe it or not, V, you didn’t get outta the whole Relic business unharmed. Not the one woman army you once were. And I’ve watched you gather intel. ‘Bout as sneaky as a fuckin’ Animal.” 

“Hey! I have more of a plan than I did when I had the Relic slotted in me. Not graspin’ at straws. Just haven’t gotten the specifics down. Can’t do that ‘til I see the city and find out how to actually reach the guy. As for your second statement, you’re right. If I still was I wouldn’t have asked you for help. However, I haven’t lost my touch. Take on the more dangerous jobs for the Aldecaldos, usually by myself.” She didn’t fight the last remark, knowing he was usually right. But she still stuck by her assertion she would have been wiped before she left Night City.

The conversation dropped from there, V still driving on. Five hours until their stop, and she thinks that it was better when he was in the back. His eyes felt like fire on her skin, him looking her up and down, and it made her so damn nervous. It took a whole hour for Johnny to stop his surveying, speaking to her again. 

“You’re not still on meds? Don’t gotta worry ‘bout you hittin’ the pavement?”

V shook her head, chancing a glance at him, smiling softly, the concern from him nice – familiar. “Still on meds, but I got enough to take while we’re on this. Won’t have an attack if I take ‘em, but if I don’t it’s hit or miss. Supply didn’t come in once...went a week off ‘em. Had two attacks, but neither of them were too serious. Vik works fuckin’ miracles, and the doc at camp said my brain’s healin’ just fine. Nothin’ weird happen to you?” 

“Nah, same as it ever was.” 

Not missing a beat, like old times, V shot back with, “You’re not behind the wheel of large automobile – I am.” 

That got him to crack a smile, humming the tune to “Once in a Lifetime” after she made that joke. “Can’t believe you remember the lyrics that fuckin’ song. Out of all the songs I tried to get you to play, that’s the one you remember? Fuckin’ gonk.”

“How could I ever fuckin’ forget? We were bored outta our minds waitin’ for Takemura to contact me, and you kept singin’ it. And I thought I was goin’ fuckin’ crazy! Plus, it’s pretty damn catchy. Too bad the radio out here sucks ass.” 

Body moving into a normal sitting position, Johnny started digging around in the front seat. Smirking, he produced the Samurai tapes she got as a gift from Judy before she left Night City. “Were you ever gonna tell me you had these in here?” 

“No, because that’s all you’re gonna fuckin’ play now. I mean, c’mon. You sang those songs a million times. Don’t you get tired of listenin’ to them? Thought I rubbed off on you a little bit – made you less of a narcissist.” 

“All you did was make me a pussy for a while.” Sliding in the tape, her car was filled with Johnny’s angry screaming, hearing those song so many times before. She was certain Judy gave her those damn things as a gag gift the more she thought about it. 

“So uh...now that we’re bein’ nice to each other again, will you listen to an apology for leaving you? ‘Cause I --”

“I’ll never accept any apology you ever give me for that shit. Ya know, it woulda been a little easier if you had cut shit off entirely. Instead, you kept callin’ me – gave me your apartment, and still left your shit in it. Told me back when the Relic was removed and you were sortin’ shit out with my body that not havin’ me there was torture. Like you were missin’ a part of you. What fuckin’ makes you think that was one sided?” 

In typical V fashion, she clammed up. She never thought that particular part of their relationship was one sided, but the romantic feelings she harbored certainly were. Johnny Silverhand didn’t play coy; if he wanted her he would take her, or at least try to. And he never made any move to be with her. Still, he didn’t press it further, sinking into silence.

Two hours later, and V finally had enough, turning off the radio, keeping her hand over the button. Two more hours left until they reached the first stop, and her arm was going to hurt from keeping it extended to cover the button. 

“Cunt.” Eyes on her again, she could almost feel them resting on her forearm, knowing well what he was looking at. She doubted he would bring up the fact that his tattoo was still there, but at least he knew she didn’t actually go through with the threat to get it removed. 

Cautiously, she removed her hand from the button, hoping that he would show her mercy. Nope. Two more hours, and all they listened to was Samurai on rotation. At long last, they reached the stop Rogue marked for them, somewhere on the old Utah and Nevada border. V set up camp, thankful of the silence of the night and the crackling of the fire. Dinner made, they ate, idly talking until it was time for them to sleep. 

“I’m gonna sleep for a few hours, then hit the road ‘fore dawn. Stay in the back as long as ya want – sleep all ya need.” Clean up was easy, and V liked it that way. Everything packed, she made a little bed for herself in the passenger’s seat, reclining the seat back as much as she could. 

“How long is the next stretch?” He didn’t even wait for her to answer, reaching over her to touch the shard, seeing the next stop was somewhere in the mountains, the next longest stretch of the trip. “It’s only nine hours away, why the fuck are you so concerned ‘bout when we leave?” 

“’Cause, it’s the mountains. This time of year there’s probably snow, and I don’t wanna get caught in the snow in the dark. On a mountain. Sure you can see the problem there. So, leavin’ before dawn, we get there early. Early enough, and we can modify the plan to stop somewhere in the plains instead of the damn mountains. I really appreciate what Rogue did, but she tried givin’ a Nomad a road map. This stop was convenient, but she’s wasting too much time with ‘em. I aim to lessen that.” 

Johnny muttered something under his breath, and V looked at him still leaning beside her. “I’m sorry, Silverhand, what was that?” 

“I said you’re the dumbest bitch I have ever met with the biggest ego. Rogue knows --”

“Knows how to be a fixer, not how to travel long distances. Trust me.” He rolled his eyes, getting out from inside the front of the truck. 

“You know what, fine. You think you know best. Get your ass flatlined – I’ll still get my eddies.” 

V just shrugged, not really caring what he thought. The Nomad blood in her knew better than Rogue, and she was sure of that. Settling into her makeshift bed, she was about to fall asleep when the glass window between the bed and the cabin opened up. 

“Wake my ass up when you’re ready to go. Not havin’ you fall asleep at the wheel.” Window slammed shut, she didn’t get a chance to argue that. His loss, she figured. If he didn’t want sleep, she wouldn’t give it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized it's the end of January and I think I've posted a fic every day for the month of January? Absolutely wild. And for those of you who have read those fics, thank you so much. Just endless amounts of gratitude and love thrown your way <3


	4. Early Sunsets Over Monroeville

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Your eyes vacant and stained  
>  And it's saying you loved me  
> Made things harder at best  
> And these words changing nothing  
> As your body remains  
> And there's no room in this hell  
> There's no room in the next  
> But does anyone notice  
> There's a corpse in this bed? ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright!!! Soooo!!! Next chapter has some action in it and I'm excited to post that one and chapter 7 :3

In her younger days, V would have been in awe at what she saw when she hit Atlanta. There was a sleek contrast with the neon of Night City, the bright lights here having a warm glow. Nothing about the place was harsh, every street lined with greenery and the buildings clean. Skyline was pretty similar, ads reaching into the sky, buildings added jagged features across a blue canvas, cars flying around, but it seemed less dark, the color pallet a steel gray and bright primaries. This was certainly a front, of course, but the route that Rogue gave her took her straight through a busy part of town, the places most likely to be snazzed up for guests. She knew well there was a reason the South had the nickname “The Dirty South,” and the shit that went on in Night City had nothing on what happened in the seedy depths of Atlanta. But for now? She was lost in the sights of it all, unable to stop herself from admiring the views as they were stuck in traffic.

“Alright, we’re in Atlanta. Now what, princess? Said you were gonna formulate a plan once we reached the city. Well we’re here.” Johnny was in a fucking mood today. She was certain he regretted telling her to wake him up when she rose, but she couldn’t deny she enjoyed the company, even if it did make him ornery and grumpy. 

“First off, I haven’t seen jack shit of the city. Second, we need to find a place to park our asses for a bit while I sort through the information from Rogue. This is a city, so there has to be somethin’ like the No-Tell Motel – a place we can go where no one will question who we are and what we’re doin’. All we gotta do is look. Mind checkin’ the shard to see if Rogue gave us somethin’ like that?” 

Driving around the city proved to be useless in finding what she needed, but V needed to wait for Johnny to sort through the intel. Night City felt like a living, breathing beast, ever changing and ever adapting, all to sink its teeth into the next unsuspecting person. In contrast, something about Atlanta reminded her of old childhood stories of quicksand – unassuming, but would have you plummet beneath it at a moment’s notice. The deeper in she got, the more she felt like she was being slowly boiled – a frog left in the pot. 

“Got a place. She listed three, but this one has conjoined rooms.”

“Not gonna like this, Johnny, but I think we need to be sharin’ a room. None of that conjoined room shit.” 

That didn’t go over well. His indignant huff was all it took for V to start explaining herself. “Look, if we’re out here tryin’ to bust into some big gang, we need to know the other is safe. That’s the first rule of doin’ partner work. I never slept alone on gigs like this, and I’m not startin’ now.”

She could feel a fight coming on. Like lightning, as she described it to Judy once – the shock before the strike. It always started with Johnny ripping off the Aviators, not hanging them on his shirt. He held them, using them like a professor would a laser pointer, the ends of them always ending up in her peripherals. “I don’t really give a shit what you want. I’m not sharin’ a damn room with you, no matter your gonk preference. Said this would be like a paid vacation for me, and I fuckin’ want that. Means no dumb bitch in my ear, tellin’ me shit. And don’t give me some dumb fuckin’ story ‘bout some botched mission you went on with Jackie. I’m not a fuckin’ --” he stopped himself, Aviators still near her face, but silent. 

“Go on. Say what you were gonna say.” Her voice was cold, daring him to even think about continuing on. His finger was hovering over a button, and it was up to him whether or not to press it. Johnny Silverhand was many things, but dumb he was not. Backing down, he opted to cross his arms, head turned to the roof of the car. 

“Stupid fuckin’ cunt. Not sharin’ a damn room with you. Bad enough sharin’ this damn truck.” 

“And here I thought we were gettin’ on just fine. See that was an act to keep us both sane. Well, we still have time here, so you better get used to dealin’ with me.” At least he wasn’t begging for smokes or threatening to kill her. Could always be worse, and V figured they could get worse if they continued like this. “You’re just fuckin’ tired. We’re almost there, take a damn nap after we check in.”

“Oh I’d love to. In my own fuckin’ room.” 

“Good luck with that, since it’ll be the shared room. I’ll even ask for two beds so you won’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

This fight continued, the same arguments being brought forth again and again. Stubborn mules the both, the struggle kept getting louder and louder until they were screaming in the lobby of some shady ass motel. V figured the best way to get what she wanted was to stroll on over to the receptionist and ask for the single room first. Slamming down her cred chip, V got her words out as quickly as possible.

“Need one room please, preferably with two --”

“Fuck off, princess. Look, we need a conjoined roo--”

“No, Johnny! I told you that it just isn’t gonna fly!” 

And they were off again, this poor, young girl witnessing them bicker like small children over a room. Had it not been the room, it would have been something else equally as stupid, all the pent up rage over the events of a year ago spilling out, even if neither party wanted to confront the real issue. Keys clicked in the background, the only thing breaking through the yelling was the girl’s cough, directing them to look at her. 

“I think I solved your problem. Here. Room number is 604, top floor – soundproof too. Enjoy your stay you two!” The chipper demeanor on this girl made both Johnny and V inspect the keycards. Seeming legit, Johnny tried to bargain with the girl, laying out why he was not okay with this. But, the motel had a no returns policy, and so they were stuck. They walked up to the room, overnight bags in hand, climbing the stairs to the sixth floor. 

Stopping at the door, it finally dawned on V that the girl said something odd. “Why the fuck do we need a soundproof room? Figure that’s only for weird people.” 

“Do I even need to spell this one out for you?”

Opening the door, V felt her soul leave her body. Dead on arrival, she would never make it to her target. The room was lit with red lights, giant bed in the middle of the room adorned with pink and red sheets, the bedframe made of sturdy metal. A mirror was on the ceiling, there were no dressers, only oddly shaped furniture filling the empty space of the room. 

That bitch gave them the lovers suite. 

“Told you we should’ve – Fuck!” words spoken by both of them, Johnny making the first move to throw his bag at the wall, kicking over one of the weird chairs, picking up one of the lamps and snapping it over his knee. Damages that Johnny certainly wasn’t going to pay for. V just threw her bag down on the floor, treading over to the bathroom. Each cabinet was opened, making sure there wasn’t anything shady inside. All clear, she looked over at the tub, large enough to accommodate two people. Weighing her own options, she would have to be the one to relent, knowing she needed to keep Johnny here and not have him that the first flight back to Night City. Exiting the bathroom, she saw Johnny pacing the room, itching for a fight again. 

“Listen, this is bad, but it’s what we got. I’ll sleep in the tub, you take the bed. Shit should be comfortable enough, and I’ll scan it to see if there’s any weird shit on it. Deal?” 

He said nothing, still pacing, and V pulled back the covers. Kiroshi optics still serving her well, she didn’t see anything that was hazardous. But, to be safe, she figured that grabbing their own bedding from the truck would be beneficial. She needed it, anyway, taking up residence in the damn tub of all places. 

“Be right back,” her only indication she was leaving. Heat was nothing new to her, but stepping out into a Georgia November, she wondered how the South was hospitable to life. November, and it was fucking 80 something outside with enough humidity to make her skin sticky. Climate change, sure, but fucking Christ she felt like she would get trench foot from standing outside for more than ten minutes. And this was Fall. She had to count her blessings that this wasn’t going down in the middle of the summer. It didn’t help that she was carrying blankets and pillows with her, taking the outside steps up to the sixth floor.

By the door, she opened it again, the sound oddly smooth and unassuming. Even if it was embarrassing that the receptionist thought they were some freaky ass couple, she couldn’t deny the digs were nice. Soundproof walls would be useful given their mission, and the door was so smooth Johnny didn’t even budge, likely not hearing it. Blankets moved so she could see better, he was holding his holo to his ear. 

“...from a secure line, so voicemail’s all you’re gettin’ since you didn’t pick up. Here in Atlanta – safe. ‘Fore you start wonderin’, no I didn’t kill V. Call you when we’re done and on the way back, if I don’t hear from you soon. Don’t attract trouble, I’m not there to bail your ass out. See ya, Melanie.” Holo hung up, V finally moved again, setting the stuff down by the bed, working on stripping it. 

“Sooooo…the girl’s name is Melanie...she your uhhh...” Output is what she wanted to ask, but she didn’t want to actually say it. 

“None of your fuckin’ business is what she is. Quit wastin’ your time with that shit and start lookin’ for this asshole so we can leave.” V continued to make the bed, Johnny pacing around her, pissed off to no end. 

“Told you – take a nap. You don’t do well when you don’t sleep. I’ll leave you alone, too. Like I said, I’ll sleep in the tub, and work from the bathroom. Got the whole place to yourself.” 

“’Til I need to take a shit. But, fine, whatever. Fuck off to your little corner and give me some peace. That truck ride almost fuckin’ killed me.” An easy thing to point out would be that Johnny chose to ride with her in the cab and to be woken up, but she knew he was just being difficult. Taking all her things into the space, she set up shop in the bathroom, slotting in the shard to go over information. 

Hours passed, and she was only brought out of the flow of sorting through the intel and making her plan by the door opening, Johnny just forgetting she was there, apparently. 

“Hey man! What the fuck!? Warning, next time please!?” Jumping out of the tub at the first click of his belt coming undone, V ran out of the room, sitting down on the bed. At least she hashed out the first part of the plan while he was asleep, the telltale signs of a sleeping Johnny being the drool on the pillow and the messy blankets. 

Final notes made in her holo, she waited for Johnny to reappear. When he did, all she could do was smile, his bedhead as charming as it ever was. For a moment, even she forgot things weren’t the same, hand twitching to try and reach over to him, fixing the parts that stuck up. But, things weren’t the same. They weren’t close anymore – not like they were. Didn’t know the other any less, but she burned that bridge, likely for good. Flight over fight being her best solution to anything. It was her first instinct learning about the Relic, and she was only pushed to fight by those around her. The doll at Clouds spoke some truth, but when he told her that she always faced things head on, it was likely just to encourage her not to lie down and die. Now, the last person who would push her held her in such contempt he could barely stand the thought of sleeping in the same space as her – the same person who shared her body. 

At least he was here now, knowing he would give her the push she needed to see this through. 

“Think of anythin’ while I was out?” Leaning against the wall, he waited as V scrolled up through her notes. Naps did wonders, and he seemed to be feeling better, if not just a bit groggy. 

“Yeah, the list Rogue gave proved to be a big help. Not only do I know all the factions, I know who they align themselves with, and who works closely with who. It’s all mid to top range names, so it’s not cheap intel, but it’s also not the best I know she can give. Our target doesn’t actually associate heavily with any of his own gang members, outside of the leader, but he does have ties to mid-tier gangoon belonging to the Red Eye Thirty named Winston Day. Not gonna give you a whole history, but they’re an old ‘dorpher gang, prolly supplyin’ The Dogs with some of their stuff. Winston, prolly high on his own stash all the fuckin’ time, frequents a low security club, without detail. Fuckin’ preem I say. We’re gonna nab him from there.” 

“Fuckin’ then what? We get the guy how? Where do we take ‘im? What info do we need?” Jumpy as all hell, he took the pause in her plan, one she used to take in a breath, to start demanding more. Something about this was making him more on edge than normal. 

“Relax, Johnny. Got that ironed out too. Just listen, alright? First part, we gotta get him. Best way I know how is to convince him to leave with me. Gettin’ into the club is easy: all you gotta do is pay a few eddies at the door and you’re in. You and I go into the club, I weasel my way into his booth, convince him that I’m willin’ to throw a little somethin’ his way, you follow us out. I’ll start leadin’ him to the nearest motel, and when we’re outta sight, you bash his head. We stuff him in the truck and we drive out to an area right outside of the city. Looks pretty similar to the landfills outside of Night City. In there, we interrogate. Good so far?” 

Johnny nodded, though from the way he rubbed his chin, she knew he had a question. “Really, nah, this shit stinks. I was afraid as soon as you said ‘club’ that you were gonna offer yourself up as bait. Don’t like that. And what if this fucker doesn’t want shit to do with you? How do we get a hold of him then?” 

“Easiest option, Johnny. I’m not too pleased with it, but I’m not gonna be reckless. Don’t plan on him not wantin’ me, either. Well known around town to sleep with damn near anythin’ that walks his way, and he’s one ugly motherfucker. Doesn’t get propositioned often I’m sure, and as I pointed out, he’s high on his own supply a lot – brain ain’t all there. But, if he rejects me, we just wait around for him to leave, tail his car, and nab him that way. Either way, we’re endin’ up in that landfill with our guy.” 

“Half baked, but so was that fuckin’ parade shit you pulled, and that worked. Alright, go on.”

V took another breath, read over her notes, and continued. “Info we need from him is what our target’s social schedule looks like. Gotta know what this guy’s doin’ and how to get close. One thing that’s the same from city to city is the social life. Guy’s gotta be goin’ to some high profile events, just to keep connections fresh. Some of the easiest heists I’ve ever pulled happened at these things. If someone or somethin’ goes missin’, even the guest of honor, no one comes lookin’ for hours. Everyone assumes if you go missin’ you don’t wanna be found for a bit. But, I need to know about those events first. And if Winston doesn’t know first hand, he’s gonna know who does know. Plan on doin’ him like I did Fingers and Woodman to get him to spill.” 

“Ooo, I get to play good cop then?” That was the Johnny she knew, and that made V turn the corners of her mouth up into a playful smirk. 

“Awww, but I thought I was so nice to them both. Tellin’ me I wasn’t good cop? Eh, kinda nice was to Woodman – let him die quickly. Fingers prolly still shits himself when he thinks of me.” Clearing her throat, she ran over the final part of her notes. “Last thing: when we’re done with the fucker I’m gonna need you to pop ‘im and dump ‘im.” 

“Why do I gotta do the dirty work there?” 

V looked him straight in the eyes, and Johnny just nodded, not pressing that issue. “Got it. Make sure he’s good and gone. Then I guess we’re playin’ it by ear after that?” 

“Yup. Like I said, gotta know the schedule or who to contact first. So, still think I’m the dumbest bitch you’ve ever met?” 

“Fuckin’ A I do. But only you could pull somethin’ this fucked up off. Somehow, you always pull through. Gotta say, gonna be fun actually gettin’ to participate in one of these things with you – past makin’ commentary. Kinda regret not doin’ jobs with you when we actually liked each other.” Harsh reality upon her, she knew this kind of energy wouldn’t last. But, she could at least ride high for right now. 

“Me too. We work real well together. Kinda like we know how the other thinks.” 

Pushing off the wall, Johnny started pacing again, but it lacked the typical anger. He was just pacing as he thought. “When’s this all goin’ down. Left that part out.” 

“Figured we could try tonight. This is one of the days that Winston shows his face there. Unless you wanna --”

“I’m not sittin’ around waitin’ on shit. If it’s tonight, then it’s tonight. But you need to nap. No one is gonna wanna fuck someone who looks like they got into a bar fight.” A finger tapped under his eyes, and V realized she hadn’t even looked at herself in the mirror in a while. She probably did look like shit from all the driving she was doing. “Need to take one of your pills?” 

“Shit, yeah. Lemme do that. Then I guess I’ll try out the little tub bed I made for myself. Hope your little vacay didn’t involve a nice bath.” 

“Lucky for you, it doesn’t. And I know you sleep like a fuckin’ weirdo, so this little bed you made is probably fine.”

Holo put away, V walked towards the bathroom, stopped by Johnny’s hand on her arm. “’Nother thing. What if we get separated at the club. You gonna be able to pull this off yourself?” 

Valid concern, but one she wasn’t really all that worried about. “You won’t let that happen. I know it. We’ll be on coms the entire time anyway – that’s standard. Always had my back before, don’t think that’s changed. May not be the best of chooms anymore, but that can’t erase everythin’ that you’ve done for me. What I’ve done for you. That’s why you’re here with me. Why I didn’t even think of askin’ anyone else. But, if you’re really worried ‘bout all that, all you gotta do is finish this shit for me if worse comes to worse. Can manage that, I think.”

Arm released, she slipped into the bathroom, crawling into her little bed. A nap would do her some good as well, knowing she needed to be rested if she was going to chase down some random guy in hopes of grasping any bits of information. Comfortable as she could get, V hugged one of her pillows close, sinking into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: my sister only sleeps in hotel bathtubs and I'm still unsure as to why she still does that, even in her 20's. Like, ma'am, why? 
> 
> And thank you to everyone who has left comments on this fic <3 they always mean the world to me!


	5. Tessellate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Three guns and one goes off, one's empty, one's not quick enough  
>  One burn, one red, one grin  
> Search the graves while the camera spins  
> Chunks of you will sink down to seals  
> Blubber rich in mourning  
> They'll nosh you up,  
> Yes they'll nosh the love away, but it's fair to say  
> You will still haunt me ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a warning, there is some blatant sexual harassment and not approved touching, but nothing goes beyond that. If that is uncomfortable to people, please take this as a precautionary thing.

“Wake up, princess, we have a – fuck, V!” 

The sudden voice in her ear, the hand on her shoulder, made V jumpy. Sleep hadn’t been as peaceful as she would have liked it to have been, and Johnny suddenly gripping her made her even more on edge. Swinging out, her hand connected with his face, the pop noise likely his nose. Panicked, V turned quickly to see the damage, Johnny holding his face, squatting next to the bathroom sink. 

“Oh fuck, Johnny, I’m so sorry. I was --”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ that hurt!” 

“I know I just --”

“Nightmare, I know! Been havin’ ‘em lately. Not surprised, given why we’re here.” 

Climbing out of the tub, V sat in front of him, pulling his hands from his face. “Lemme see – wanna make sure your nose isn’t broken.” Face freed, V leaned in close, inspecting his nose. Ever since their reunion, they hadn’t been this close. Johnny looked tired, worn out. Probably the road trip, sure, but he looked like he just was in a perpetual state of sleepless nights. Certainly she didn’t look much better, but it seemed so out of place for a person who was so keen on sleeping and relaxing, always lounging and lying about. Thumbs on his nose, she smoothed them over his cheekbones, checking for any damage. Nothing felt by her but the heat in her ears. She was reminded of their little reunion in the Net, how closely he held her before she slipped into the well, determined to find a way to save him. Stopping in her tracks, she cleared her throat. 

“Should be good...”

“V...”

“Yeah?”

“Get the fuck outta my face. Your breath stinks.” 

Ah, how wonderful it was so be back at the start. Standing up, V just walked over to the sink, grabbing her toothbrush. “Fine, fuck the apology I gave – you can suffer. But, if you’re wakin’ me up that means we have places to be. Let’s get ready.”

This was familiar territory for V. Prepping for a heist, hanging out in a bathroom with her partner. She and Jackie used to do shots before they went out on missions like this, partying it up with music and everything. With Johnny, she’d love to do the same. Seen it with her own eyes – he was an excellent dancer. But, no. They hated each other right now – or at least he hated her – and this was all business. No music, no revelry, just getting ready. 

“Need to go over the plan one more time ‘fore we leave?” Eyeliner winged, perfume sprayed, and Johnny kept complaining about the shoes V was wearing. Something about how she wouldn’t be able to drag a grown man through a landfill in heels. He clearly doesn’t remember her outfits back in Night City. 

“Nah, got it all down. And yeah, I’ll keep my eyes on you the whole time – don’t need to worry ‘bout me chasin’ tail in Atlanta. Not like I can bring them back to my own room, and it’s a little weird to fuck around when there’s a roommate in the bathtub.” 

V laughed, checking her makeup one more time. “When’s that ever stopped you? Shit, you want me to list each time you fucked in public, or with someone in the same room?” 

He didn’t respond to that, and that was a smart move. Though, if it came down to it, Johnny had just as much dirt on her. Lucky were they both that neither wanted to use that kind of stuff against them to actually hurt the other in the public eye. “’Sides, I wasn’t worried ‘bout you snaggin’ some tail. Got someone back home, right? Just need you to make sure you don’t lose me. I’m basically offerin’ myself as bait for some guy, don’t need that goin’ sour. Sure you can guess why.” 

Rigid, something made him tense back up again. “You talkin’ about Melanie?” 

“Uh, yeah? Look, how ‘bout we drop this one. Said she was none of my biz, right? Less I know the better, I think. Just given the fact we’re not really gonna hang around each other by the end of this.” More than that, she didn’t really want confirmation on something she pieced together from the context clues given. 

Everything ready, V grabbed a small clutch purse, stocked well with a knife and small pistol. Back in Night City she always laughed at people who had weapons this small, thinking they could only do so much, but she got the appeal now. She didn’t need to look like she was going to blow the house up – quite the opposite, really. Easy pickings, as she put it. 

“Holster the Malorian and we’ll bounce. Got all my shit packed away. Kinda feel like I’m in an old spy movie.” She hoped that would spark something in him to do one of his shitty narrations, but nothing. The way to the club was filled with reminders of the plan, the truck parked a block away from the club in question. 

“Alright, gotta get coms set up. Callin’ now.” Holo ringing, Johnny picked up, voice in her ear. 

“Go in first, I’ll follow after – hover close to the bar. Once you see that Winston Day motherfucker, get in close. Use whatever charm I gave you from our time together. Lead him out, and I’ll whack ‘im.” 

Nodding, V fixed her shorts and top, starting off into a swaying strut towards the door. Let inside without an issue, she took up residence at one of the open tables, ordering a rather weak drink. The club itself was as standard as these kinds of clubs can be: smokey, dirty, smelled, and all the girls looked like they could either kill you or had someone on retainer to do it for them. Loud music shook the building, and she wondered how the bartenders haven’t gone deaf, even if they had special implants. Eyes scanning, she pulled up information on each guest coming through. Not as detailed as her database from Night City, but it was enough to get the job done. Didn’t really need the criminal record of all of Atlanta. 

Drink after drink piled up on the table, still no sign of Winston. 

“You sure your intel was right, V? Guy’s nowhere and it’s fuckin’ 1 AM. And you’re over there drinkin’ half the damn bar dry.” 

“Give it time. You’re the fuckin’ worst at bein’ patient. And only two of my drinks had any alcohol in them, dickwipe.” Chancing a glance over at him, Johnny was at the bar, leaning against the wall, chatting up the bartender. Cute chick, all things considered, and whatever they were talking about wasn’t coming in over the loud music, even through her com connection. 

“Bartender said in the next 30. Got a call that scop would be strollin’ in soon.”

Smirking, V raised her glass, a cheer to him from across the club. “Told ya I was right. Gotta say, you claim to trust me, but when that’s tested all I hear is that I’m a fool.”

“’Cause you are. Just stay focused and don’t get too drunk. Not pickin’ your ass up and this dude. If I gotta leave one behind, you’re gonna be real pissed at which one I pick.” But, despite his biting words, Johnny raised his glass back to her. 

Eyes scanning the door again, her target’s name flashed. Bingo. Waiting a bit, she watched as he entered the shitty little booth he occupied, sitting there like he owned the place. She knew for a fact he did not, and him acting as such was going to make this easier. That kind of confidence led to mistakes, and V guessed she would be his biggest one. His third drink in him, a huff of something from a canister, and she was off. 

“Johnny, goin’ in. Listen close – eyes on me.” 

“Aye aye captain.” Another glance his way, and V saw the Aviators come off, unsure as to even why he kept them on in this dark ass club. Still, his eyes were on her, and that made her feel safe. 

Approaching the booth, V placed one hand on the table there, leaning over to hover over Winston. “Hi there. Lookin’ for some company?” 

God the intel didn’t do this man justice. Something about him screamed sleaze, dump, flith, and V was grossed out being in his presence. Still, she had a job to do, and fuck she was going to need a shower when this was all said and done. 

“You some kinda escort?” He raised an eyebrow, eyes wandering over her, and V knew she had him hooked no matter what response she gave. 

“Want me to be one?” One last glance, and Johnny was still looking, white knuckle gripping the glass he was holding, but looking. Sitting down next to Winston, V placed an arm behind him over the back of the booth chair, giving him full view of her body. 

“Oh baby, I don’t give two shits. Just gotta know how much you chargin’, if you’re chargin’ at all. Or are you lookin’ for a little somethin’ else,” a finger tapped the bag next to him, and V figured it was some sort of stash. 

Lips pulled up into a smirk, V eyed him, using that seduction tactic as a way to subtly scan him. No weapons on him, but he did have some heavy jewelry, which meant he could use it as a weapon if needed. In the bag, however, was a rather deadly pistol, modified in some way just from the looks of it. Needed to keep him out of that bag. 

“Well, I just moved over to Atlanta, and I don’t charge first customers. You interested?” 

“V...” a low growl from the com, and she knew Johnny was set off by something. Didn’t matter to her, she needed this dude out of the club and needed to do it fast before he got suspicious. 

“Interested is an understatement,” leaning in close, the smell of his cologne almost made V recoil, but she held fast, holding in her breath as much as she could. “Lemme check out the goods first, baby, then we can get started.” 

Everything in slow motion, V felt this fuckers hand go up her shirt, swallowing down as much panic as she could, not wanting to give away how damn not okay she was with this. She had a role to play, no different than when she played pretend corpo. Letting him grab her, she kept the smirk on her face, even if she did want to sock him in the face. But, she didn’t need to – a certain metal arm doing it for her. Grabbed out of the booth, V was thrown to the floor, landing on her ass and watching as Johnny dragged Winston out of the booth by his face, and out into the back alley of the club through the emergency exit, setting off the club alarms. 

“Shit! Johnny! Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me!?” His com went silent, and V scrambled to her feet, grabbing the bag in the booth, and running out of the club through the same exit, frantically searching for Johnny. Spying him by a dumpster, metal fist making mince meat out of the guy’s face, V threw her arms under his armpits, holding him back. “Not the fuckin’ plan, Johnny! Not the plan! The whole damn club is on alert, we have to go! Pick him up!” 

Letting go, V panted in tandem with Johnny, his rage making him seethe. If the weather was colder, his whole body would be steaming. No words exchanged, Johnny picked up a very bloody and very unconscious Winston, dragging his body to the truck parked farther away. Throwing him in the backseat, V peeled out of there before Johnny even had time to close the passenger door. 

“Seriously!? This was the first fuckin’ mission, and you gotta fuck it up!?” En route, V played fast and loose with road laws, not caring if she got tailed by the police, better than getting caught by some gangoons looking for their missing man. Winston may not have brought detail with him, but there was no way that people didn’t know him. No way that his contacts haven’t gotten word that he was pulled outta there by some gonk.

“I mean, man, what was that!? I had it under control! Guy was eatin’ outta my palm, what --” 

Johnny punched the glove compartment in front of him, stopping V’s rant, making her look at his enraged form. “We got him, didn’t we!? He’s in the back of your fuckin’ truck, and we’re almost to the landfill! How did I fuck it up, huh!? Wanna tell me!?” 

“This was a stealth mission! Not a ‘I’m gonna break form and punch his lights out’ mission! I had it under control!” V took a sharp turn, Winston’s limp body rolling around. “What, in your mind, changed the damn plan!?” 

“You got fuckin’ rocks for brains!? Actually, I know you do! What happened in that booth was not part of the plan! At what point was he supposed to feel you up like a damn slab of meat, huh!? Tell me, V! You alright with that!?”

“No, Johnny! But I’ve had worse happen – shit like this is part of the job!” Sighing, V took one hand off the wheel, the outskirts of Atlanta turning into dirt roads, something her truck could handle easily. Free hand coming to her face, she rubbed it, trying to calm herself. “Never bothered you before!” 

“Says fuckin’ who!? I was in fuckin’ mind prison when you were pullin’ this shit before! Scum of the fuckin’ Earth!”

“Alright, whatever. At least we got ‘im. We can fight about this later.” 

“Nothin’ to fight over, V. Not gonna let some scop touch you like that – don’t care how important this mission is. It’s just...wrong,” there wasn’t explosive anger in his voice, but she could tell it was still there. Couldn’t blame him, knowing well that watching that probably wasn’t the best, but the plan depended on being stealthy. 

“’Preciate the concern, Johnny, but...Just let me work. I need this to work out...You know this. I don’t care --”

“Well I do. So outta the two of us, guess I’m back to savin’ your skin and keepin’ you from doin’ shit that’ll get you hurt. Pull over, we’re far enough out.” Truck parked, V hopped out, looking around for a small clearing to set up an interrogation. 

Chairs pulled from her truck, rope pulled from her bag, Winston’s body was tied to a chair, another placed two feet in front of him. Raiding his bag, they found some seriously hardcore stuff in there along with that modified pistol V pocketed, never resisting looting a good gun. 

“One good thing to come outta your little explosion is the fact that when I start playin’ bad cop, you bein’ good cop makes me look a little more...mmm...badass? Yeah, badass.” 

“Talkin’ like that no one is gonna believe you’re tough shit. But, I know once you get into the headspace, he’ll be pissin’ himself, callin’ out for mommy.” Johnny stood beside her, bag from Winston on the seat of the open truck. Poking around, he was clearly searching for something.

“So Silverhand, whatcha lookin’ for? Somethin’ to take the edge off?” V watched as he pulled out container after container, tossing what he didn’t need into a nearby trash pile. 

“Nah, opposite. Fucked up the mission, according to you. Means we don’t have time to wait around while Mr. Day back there comes to. Figure he’s gotta have some strong upper in here.” 

“Don’t think it’ll mix badly with whatever he took previously?” V took to holding the bag open for him as Johnny kept on looking, still tossing the useless stock out. “Saw him huffin’ somethin’ in that club.” 

“Won’t matter. If he’s got what I think he does, it’ll perk his ass up, and he won’t live long enough for the shit to mix bad. Still offin’ him, right?” Nodding, V looked back at the still bloody and tied up Winston, figuring Johnny was right about him not waking up any time soon. 

“Still the plan.” 

A small “ah-ha!” coming from Johnny, and he looked pretty damn pleased with himself. “Learned this shit was still on the market a while back. Funny, since this is what I used to get me outta my worst hangovers, and I thought it worked a little too good for people to keep makin’.”

That made no sense to her, but she wasn’t going to keep prying there. Certain sects of the underground just didn’t really click with her, and the drug rings were one of them. Getting in position, V sat in the chair she placed across from Winston, foot placed between his legs, a clear threat. Johnny placed his Malorian on her thigh before walking over to their target, opening his eyes.

“Oh ew! You’re gonna dump it in his eyes!?” 

“Doesn’t do much other than get the shit in his system faster. ‘Sides, he won’t need eyes soon enough, and it only causes temporary blindness. He’ll be back seein’ in no time. Implants’ll start degrading, though, so you’ll have to be quick if you’re gonna make ‘im use ‘em.” 

“You’re fuckin’ whacked, Johnny.” Her small laugh was quickly gone, clearing her throat, and putting on the meanest smirk she could – something she wasn’t too pleased she got from Johnny, but it was useful at times. 

Drug placed in the eye, Johnny patted the fucker’s cheeks, taunting voice on. “Good morning starshine! The Earth says hello,” when Winston opened his eyes, shaky breath pulled into his lungs, Johnny slapped him one good time before whispering, “have fun with my friend here. Don’t suggest pissin’ ‘er off.” 

“Hi,” V waved, “’member me?” 

Anxiety was clear on Winston’s face, a simple “oh fuck” signaling that he knew there was trouble to be had. “Shoulda fuckin’ known this was too good to be true. Dammit! Please tell me this is some freaky sex thing? ‘Cause, if so, I’ll play along baby.” 

Scooting closer, V picked up the gun in her hand, holding it lazily in his direction. “Sorry, choom, no such luck. I’m gonna be askin’ you a few questions. Better answer honestly, else you’ll be findin’ out why I’m not one to be tangled with.” 

Laughter peeled from Winston, clearly not taking her seriously. “Oh that’s fuckin’ rich! You know who I am, sweetcheeks? I’m Winston fuckin’ Day, top --”

“Nuh-huh,” V stopped him by putting her foot a little closer to him, dangerously close to stomping on a very sensitive area. “You’re not top in shit. Mid-rankin’ gangoon in the Red Eye Thirty. Don’t bluff me, bitch. I don’t have any fuckin’ issue wastin’ your ass.” 

“Yeah, and I’m supposed to believe that with the shit job you two did draggin’ me outta that club? Whole damn place saw you botch that shit up, man over here clearly not too pleased I was wooin’ his girl. Place is connected to the gang, so have fun fightin’ ‘em off.” A glare, and Johnny backed off, V knowing well he was going to strangle the guy. “And you ain’t usin’ Atlanta slang. You two are scum from Night City herself. Fish outta water. You ain’t gettin’ shit from me. Don’t got the balls to get it.” 

Tapping the Malorian to her thigh, V shrugged, stone cold poker face still on. “Good guess on where we’re from. Means you’re well informed. Means you recognize big names and big jobs. Tell me, Winston, whatcha know ‘bout the murder of Saburo Arasaka?” 

“Saburo Arasaka? The fuck? Why you wanna know --”

“Answer, Winston. Gettin’ reeeeal close to stompin’ on somethin’ you might wanna keep in tact.” That made him gulp, face falling. 

“Fucker was poisoned, right? ‘Least that’s what I heard. Some rumors goin’ ‘round that some merc offed ‘im. Or that his son did it. But, ya know, not much care for some corp ‘round here.”

“Oooo, so you are well informed. Good. And whaddya know ‘bout the Night City Holocaust?”

“You sure this ain’t some sex – okay! Okay! Foot away, please! Ugh,” blinking his eyes, it was clear the drugs were in full swing, making him jittery. “Done by Silverhand. Killed a buncha people. He went missin’ after. Happy?” 

V nodded, still tapping the Malorian. “Best to take us seriously, then. Lookin’ at Saburo Arasaka’s killer in the flesh, and good ol’ Johnny Silverhand back from the dead. Two things are connected, by the way. Use that on trivia night with the boys.” His laughter told her that he doubted her claims, but she knew well he didn’t have the proof to really call her bluff. She was fingered for Saburo’s killer for a while, and when Johnny circled around them, taking off his Aviators to give the guy a good look, something clicked in his brain. 

“Oh...fuck...Don’t really buy this...But uh...Maybe it’s best to play it safe. Ya know, just in case, right? Could just be part of a poser gang, but --”

“Nope,” this time Johnny spoke, “face was copyrighted back in 2012. Can’t get the exact deal.” That V didn’t know, and if she remembered she’d ask for the story on that one. 

Finally ready to answer questions by the look of absolute dread on his face, V got up, pointing the Malorian right between his eyes. “You deal to the The Dogs. Deal directly to a man who goes by Shaw Valentine. Correct?”

Shaking in his boots now, Winston’s voice was barely comprehensible, but V could tell he was asking why she wanted information on the guy. “Don’t need to know why. Just need answers. Deal directly to him, right?” 

“N-no...Go through a middlem-man, b-but that changes day to day. Sure, Shaw o-oversees everythin’, but I don’t talk to him! No one talks to Shaw b-but T-tony...And good luck with that!” The name Tony didn’t ring a bell with V.

“Then, who’s this Tony fucker? And how do I contact him to get to Shaw?” Another round of laughter, turning into frightened squeals as V cocked the gun. 

“Okay! Tony, short for Antonio Lundee – leader of The Dogs. H-he’s easier to contact.” 

Eyes narrowed, Winston didn’t change his tune, insisting he was right. “Why’s Shaw on such a short leash? Know that much?” 

“Not a clue, but the fucker’s slick. Never seen him mess up. Tony prolly don’t wanna let that go. Look, how ‘bout I give you the name of a guy who can get you to Tony, huh? Know that much. Tony throws these weird shindigs once a month, and there’s a way to get in. I supply the drugs for these events, and my man Maynard makes the guest list. Put in a good word for ya.” Malorian still pressed between his eyes, Winston was getting desperate. No matter if he didn’t believe her bluff, a gun to the head was a gun to the head. 

“Johnny, get me the shard, wanna check somethin’. Got a last name for this Maynard guy, Winston?” 

“Y-yeah...Jones.” Of course it was common, but if he pinged on Rogue’s intel, then she could work with it. Shard slotted in her by Johnny, she began digging around, looking for Maynard. Finding him, he was in a neutral gang, something similar to the Moxes. She could see where this was going. “Parties. What kind are they?” 

“Dunno, but Maynard supplies the guests, and Tony hosts ‘em. Past that, not a clue.” 

Gun taken from his face, the nervous laughter came back, Winston clearly thinking he was going to walk away from this. “So, choom, wanna add anythin’ to sweeten this little deal we have?” 

The nervous stuttering from their captive was enough, nothing useful coming from it. V handed the gun to Johnny, walking back to the truck as she heard the pop. Tossing the rest of Winston’s bag in the trash, she hopped back in the truck, mind blank. She didn’t want to think right now. Only get home and maybe take the hottest shower she could stand – burn her skin if she had to. Until now, it didn’t feel real. But having to say the name of that motherfucker aloud, she was trying hard not to consider it. 

Done with his job, Johnny got in, letting her drive back to the motel in silence, nothing he could say to her. She purposely didn’t say the name he went by now, Johnny knowing how much a spit in the face it was. 

Making good on her plan, V hopped into the shower, not even asking if Johnny wanted one. Water turned on as hot as she could stand, she didn’t feel time passing, just the repeat of events that led her to this point. Got her to where she was in Atlanta, miles from home, with a man who hated her, now standing in a shower as she scorched her skin. Fitting, she thought, given what he did. Why she wanted, needed, to take him down. 

Knocking on the door brought her back to reality. “V! Been in there for two hours. Get out.” As gruff as his voice was, it did remind her that somewhere Johnny still cared about her. Enough to knock again when she didn’t respond, warning her that if he didn’t hear the water turn off he was coming in. Water off, she stepped out of the shower, drying off, standing there in her towel. More time must have passed, Johnny knocking again. 

“V...come out. Wanna talk.” 

Brushing her wet hair and putting on an old t-shirt, V stepped out looking at Johnny seated on the bed. “Johnny, I’m alright. Just...you don’t gotta pretend to wanna hear out my troubles. Sure you’re well aware of...everythin’. ‘Sides, I pissed you off. Left you in NC to rot, right? Just gotta sleep it off and then we’ll get back to work. End of us, yeah? So, not your problem.” 

“V...This is like if Saburo started callin’ himself ‘Saburo Cunningham’ or ‘Alt Arasaka.’ Don’t even try ‘n lie, sayin’ this ain’t eatin’ you alive.” 

“Even if it is, we’re not...we’re not the same anymore, Johnny. Yeah, we’re tryin’ to be civil, but offerin’ me a shoulder to cry on crosses some line, doesn’t it? Offerin’ it to me, specifically...The one who ran. Ran from you. Ran from everyone. Not gonna make you do that.” Still, he patted the space next to him, but V didn’t move. 

“Got shackled with almost all your memories, V. One of the first ones that came in was what that scop did. Hearin’ that he repurposed her name – uses it as a throw away alias to be discarded when he moves on, that hurt me too. Doesn’t matter what happened ‘tween then and now, you and I both know it’s impossible to erase what brought us together. Talk to me.” Again, he patted the space next to him, and V finally sat down, knees pulled to her chest. 

For a bit, V didn’t speak, just sat there with Johnny, reminiscent of the nights they spent like this before meeting Hanako, unsure of what to say to the other, knowing time was running short. 

“Never got to bury her...No marker...Nothin’. Not that those things woulda mattered, bein’ part of a Nomad clan, but...For the longest time, all I had was her name, ‘cause I couldn’t really remember her face. Hated February 14th for obvious reasons. One of the...the best things to happen with you bein’ with me was that I finally remembered what she looked like. Stuff like that happen to you?” 

Johnny nodded, moving to lie back on the pillows, looking up at the ceiling. “Yeah, actually. Hadn’t thought ‘bout my childhood in...fuck...maybe since I formed Samurai. Had really just blocked out what my friends looked like – their names, any bit of information – gone. Then, all at once, it was back. Kinda nice rememberin’ what it was like before I was so fuckin’ angry all the time. Glad I let you see her again.” 

“Likewise. Simpler times, right? ‘Fore the world make us into cynical shitheads.” Sighing, V got up, knowing that it wasn’t right unloading all of this on to Johnny. Not when she fucked up bad and he was still willing to be this nice. “Thanks, though. Nice to know you never forgot...Nice to know you still got my back, even if you did fuck up the first damn mission.” 

“And I don’t regret that. Fucker got what he deserved,” a pause, Johnny searching for words, “This guy is your Smasher – fuck maybe even your Arasaka. Doesn’t matter if I want nothin’ to do with you sometimes – this guy’s gotta go. And you don’t gotta live with all that shit runnin’ berserk in your head while we do it. Trust me, that leads to some dumb shit. If it gets too much, leave that bathroom, come out here. I’ll be waitin’.” 

Sad smile on her face, she looked down at him, trying her best to joke around, cover up the hurt. “Awww, see you’re comin’ ‘round to the idea of a shared room. How nice of you to see things my way.” A pillow thrown at her, and she laughed a little, throwing it back. For a moment, she wanted to crawl in that bed with Johnny, talk to him more, but she couldn’t. Retreating back, she sat in her tub bed, blankets wrapped around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, any excuse to write Johnny punching people I'll take


	6. Two Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This time my mind is set.  
>  My side you'll never get.  
> What I say.  
> What did you say.  
> We can both be right just not in the same way.  
> You think we could reach some common ground ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at my smut, my real kink is sending these fools to therapy, even if it is shady therapy. I refuse to not have them be prompted to talk about issues at least ONCE in anything I write

Maynard Jones, marriage counselor. Maynard Jones, one of the only contacts to Tony Lundee, the one person who could lead her to her target, and of course he’s somehow a marriage counselor. How a person like him starts working with the gangs of Atlanta, V doesn’t know, but she could tell there was a reason that he’s in contact with Lundee. Even Johnny sniffed that one out. 

“5 million eddies this is some weird couples sex party that he throws, gettin’ these suckers on the rocks to come up and do some swinger shit.” Johnny started smoking again less than 48 hours after arriving in Atlanta, and V was less than thrilled with him blowing smoke in her face. Mostly because it meant he was stressed beyond belief to pick up something he quit for a while. For what it was worth, they could stand to be in close proximity now, both sitting next to each other in the waiting room, hand in hand. Then again, they had to act like a couple, so it was forced to say the least. Johnny even let her rest her head on his shoulder so they could talk. 

Hell, they even moved the rings around on Johnny’s fingers, V taking the one on his pinky to wear as a pretend wedding band, Johnny even placing one on his prosthetic finger. Aliases Johnathan and Victoria Morgan (chosen so that if they slipped, their nicknames matched), they were masquerading as a rich couple from New York, here to see someone on the hush about their failing marriage. Desperate to save it at all costs, they came to Atlanta in secret, willing to pay preem eddies. Reason they were there: a damaged sex life due to a rift in the relationship. Everything set up so well as bait for a front like this. Playing pretend, complete with a fake backstory and fake names, but it was closest she felt to him in ages. 

“Don’t wanna take that bet, ‘cause I got a feelin’ you’re right. Gang Jones runs with is called Hustlers and they’re essentially the Mox, only less friendly. Deal in smut, but don’t respect the girls.” Hushed voices, certain no one but the both of them could hear their light chatter. The whole set up of this place was sketchy to say the least. It screamed “front” louder than anything she had ever seen before. Everything just seemed a little too nice to be some therapist office, even if he specialized in rich people problems. At least his credentials were legit, even if somewhere along the line he abandoned his morals.

If they were right, and it was some freaky sex thing, it made sense for it to be decorated so nicely, so unsuspecting. And, from what V could tell, the security here was tight – tighter than it should be in a normal office. Each of the receptionists had top grade implants, weapons stashed around, and buttons within reach. Not to mention the sheer number of cameras pointed every which way. No way this was a legit thing. 

And, if they played their roles well enough, they’d be invited to whatever thing Lundee was planning. Would have been harder had they been on speaking terms, but they had a lot to fight about now. Whatever pain was dug up would likely be real, drawing from experience, and that scared V. But, if she was cornered, she could always say it was all an act. Maybe this would do her some good, sketchy office or not.

“Mr. and Mrs. Morgan? Dr. Jones will see you now.” Charming woman, dressed in the same sleek uniforms as the others, ushered them down the hall, setting them up in the room. Glasses of fancy water poured, V and Johnny were left there to sit, wait, for their next target to arrive. One last reminder, “Gotta stay in character. Might have implants to see if we’re lyin’, but we can’t let him know too much of the truth.”

“That won’t be hard, V. Got a lot to say and I think I’m gonna say ‘em.”

Seeing Jones walk in, V didn’t have time to respond, and not that she wanted to say anything to Johnny after seeing the man, not trusting him as far as she could throw him. He reeked of scandal. Thinning hair, wry smile, fancy jewelry, and an even fancier suit. Maybe that was just part of being in the South, but if someone in Night City dressed that way it was bad news. Even the most corrupt politicians tried to tone it down. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, pleased to meet you,” hands shaken, he sat down in front of them, V’s nervous energy serving her well, shifting in her seat. “You filled out our questionnaire, and I see we have a lot to work on in such little time. No time like the present, right? Wanna start with a base – something that shows me the kind of relationship you two had before all the problems started. So, tell me, how did you two meet?” 

This was not rehearsed, but V was good at coming up with things on the fly. “We met through a mutual friend. Wouldn’t call it a blind date, but we were set up without our knowledge.” A truth of sorts, especially if this guy had implants that could tell whether someone was lying. 

“I see. Do you regret that meet up?” 

“Fuck no,” Johnny cleared his throat, clearly a gut reaction to the question. “No – I don’t at least. Gave me a second chance at life.”

“Same for me...kinda cut some things short for a while, but it all worked out in the end. Make the best of a weird situation, right?” Jones nodded, writing something down. 

“Clearly you two have an interesting origin story. And you eventually settled down. Sounds romantic enough, and whatever you saw in those past versions was compelling enough for you to get married. Most people, when they’re set up like that, never even make it to the second date. What went wrong then? Something must have led you to my office.”

“Nothin’ I did. Ask my lovely wife.” There was that Silverhand malice. At least he was staying in character, not just calling her V, or his other preferred nicknames for her.

“C’mon, do we really gotta go --”

“Yeah. I’m thinkin’ we do, seein’ as we’re in this office on your request. I did all I was supposed to, but you were the one who had a fuckin’ problem. Up and fuckin’ left like it was no big deal. You know damn well that hurt.”

V tensed up, not really wanting to talk about this in front of a guy they’re both well aware is running some scam, but at least his sensors wouldn’t be tripped. “Always complained about wantin’ freedom. Well, I gave it to you. Yeah, knew what I did was gonna hurt, but I figured you’d thank me somewhere down the line.” 

“I wanted freedom when I was stuck. Wanted it when I didn’t have a fuckin’ choice. Ever think I woulda liked a heads up ‘fore you up and left? Leavin’ me with nothing but a ghost? I had to sleep in your bed, V. Threw away the sheets ‘cause I couldn’t get your smell outta ‘em. And you thought it was just fine to waltz back in like you didn’t do that? Like I’d fuckin’ call you up, thankin’ you for dumpin’ me? Like you did me a favor? Fuckin’ cunt.” 

Jones, eyebrows raised, kept writing things down, this wily smirk forming. “So, Mrs. Morgan, you left, and now you’re back. Something must have pushed you away, yet you were still drawn back in. And with you, Mr. Morgan, you were more than willing to drive down here to help fix it. You two ever talked much about some of the real reasons why she ran, or why you’re even here to begin with?” Fuck, he definitely called her bluff there.

Glaring at her, arms crossed, Johnny took out another cigarette, not even asking if he could smoke in the presence of the doctor himself, and really V knew he wouldn’t care either way. “Sounds just like you to fuckin’ lie even when you know you shouldn’t. Been wonderin’ the whole time the real reason you left. Mind tellin’ me now?” 

V picked at her nails, not wanting to look up and face anyone. “I ran ‘cause...You know I don’t really think that matters, alright? I was gone, now I’m back, and I wanna fix this...Fix us. Find some way to get back to...to some kinda normal. You mean a lot to me...You know that, right?”

“Ha! Avoidin’ shit like you always do. Sure, you can tell me that all damn day I mean a lot to you, but when it comes down to it I’m the only one who seems to have shit to prove and you’re allowed to run ‘round like some crazed lunatic.” 

“Okay, well, do you blame me for makin’ you prove it? I’m sorry, who’s the bastard that cheated on all his previous partners? Who’s the asshole that tried to use me like a fuckin’ car to roll ‘round the city in, huh? Like shit, Johnny, ever think maybe I was afraid to get too close again? Like you’d --”

“Leave? Like you did!? I’m not the one who fucked shit up, V. You can blame it on whatever Nomad blood you think you have, but you planted roots in the city. Made a life for yourself there. And I thought I was a huge part of it. Then, bam! You’re gone, and I gotta sit there watchin’ the world go by. Wonderin’ --”

“Why you got a taste of your own medicine!? Well shit, let’s think about that. Real fucked havin’ the shoe on the other foot. You got this fuckin’ idea that you get to monopolize shit behavior. I’m not perfect!”

“Never asked that from you, V! But shit, you think after so long you’d fuckin’ realize I’m not just gonna drop you the moment I see your bad side. ‘Member how you ghosted Judy for two weeks ‘cause you accidentally fucked up a conversation? Wanna talk ‘bout how I self sabotage all the time, you really need to take a long hard look at yourself.” 

Seated in his chair, Jones continued writing notes, sipping from a coffee mug at each interesting interval. 

“I never said why I left, ya know! How can you even claim it’s self sabotage when you don’t know the damn half of it!? ‘Sides, I told you, there’s no one I’d rather do shit with, and you know the reason for that. Fucker in front of us asked why I came back, well it’s ‘cause you’ve always been there...always were.” 

“That was my line, V.” 

“Well I’m stealin’ it. Applies to us both...”

A loud sip, and both Johnny and V looked at each other through narrowed eyes before looking back at Jones. The man seemed intensely curious about this whole thing, but if he was used to couples fighting, then witnessing two friends fight vaguely about their shared time together was probably the least weird thing he’s seen. 

“Is this how you two always talk to each other now?” A nod from them both, and he scribbled down more notes. “I can see why things in the bedroom have been off, then. On that questionnaire that was the one portion of it that had the most checked off. A lot of energy here, and somehow nothing has happened in how long?”

“A year,” said by both, a little too quickly. At least they were consistent. 

“Hmmmm. I’ll tell you I seriously doubt that. Dry spells in any marriage is going to take its toll, and clearly it has done something awful to you two. Ended in Mrs. Morgan here running off and avoiding conflict, and it left Mr. Morgan with trust issues. Done anything to try and help any of the issues you’re having, sexual or not?” 

“Be honest doc, nah. Haven’t really tried shit.” Johnny put the cigarette out in his metal palm, tossing its remains in the nearby bin. 

“Have you tried spicing it up, ever? Even before the issues? Often times stagnation is the worst thing to happen.” Jones wrote down more notes, eyeing them both with serious intent. If anything, they little fight was working to get them at least looked at by the guy, and his line of questioning was suspect, making V figure they were close. Time to at least try and play the demur lover, get this guy to think they really were easy targets, easy to con and easy to get to play along with whatever he and Lundee were running. 

“Oh uh...I’m ‘bout as vanilla as they come.” Johnny laughed at her for that one, and Jones had that wicked smirk. She couldn’t really defend herself here, not wanting to give anything to this shady character and certainly not wanting to give Johnny canon fodder by voicing things he likely knew anyway. But, the rule between them was that if they never spoke about it, don’t bring it up unless absolutely necessary. 

“In my professional opinion, I think we need to start there. Might rekindle something – bring you two closer. Once that happens, maybe conversations pertaining to more sensitive topics will be easier. A close associate of mine throws some lavish parties. Being from the upper crust of New York, I’m sure you two are familiar with the type. Could be a place to discover some things you two could try.”

“Potentially. Describe ‘em.” Johnny was oddly cool about this, leaning back into a more relaxed position. For V, it seemed too relaxed, like he was expecting this, and that could raise some suspicion. She would have tried to ask more questions, seem more confused, though Johnny could never think that far ahead.

But, Jones laughed, taking out a shard and sliding it to Johnny, having him slot it in. “It’s impolite to show such things to ladies, but I’m sure if you like what you see you’ll convince the miss. Show her yourself and see where that goes.” A wink was thrown V’s way while Johnny was preoccupied with the shard, and it took everything in her not to hurl. Instead, she played coy, reaching over and holding Johnny’s hand, surprised when he squeezed it. 

“I’m not sure how long you two are in town, but the next one is in five days. If you’d like to try it, just give me a call. I’ll set you both up on the guest list. Keep the shard, Mr. Morgan, it’ll help you make up your mind.”

Removing the shard, Johnny handed it to V to place in her bag to add to their collection. “You’re right, Dr. Jones, I am a little familiar with these types of parties. Used to go to ‘em with my previous partner, ‘fore I met V. Sounds like somethin’ we could try. Call the office or?”

“Personal number.” The blue flash of Johnny’s eyes meant a contact was transferred. “I hope to hear from you and your lovely wife soon. And, if you need a familiar face, I always attend these parties as a guide. The last thing I recommend, other than a follow up appointment with me after the party, is that you two talk about why Mrs. Morgan here ran. That seems to be the point of contention, and it is clear to me that many things were left unsaid. May not happen until after the party, but know you’ll need to address it soon.” 

Johnny stood, shaking the man’s hand before walking out with V on his arm. Once outside, long departure from the office, he pushed her away, Aviators retrieved from his pocket and pointed at her face. “Now that we’re outta that damn office, mind tellin’ me what the fuck was that?”

“Excuse me!?” V held her arms out, offended by his choice in words. “I’m sorry, who started that shit in there? I didn’t bring up the fact I left. That was all you, Johnny! Told me yourself ‘fore we started you were gonna say shit! Now you’re mad ‘cause I didn’t want to spill our entire history to a potential human trafficker!?” 

“I get that! But you kept beatin’ ‘round the bush like you were afraid to say somethin’. Lyin’ straight to the fucker’s face. I’d like to know what it was now that we don’t have some creep breathin’ down our necks. ‘Cause, I had this idea of why you left, but clearly there’s somethin’ else.” 

Arms pulled in, V crossed them over her chest, rolling her eyes. This wasn’t the time to talk about, if there ever was, and she certainly didn’t want some messy feelings to get in the way of her personal mission. Didn’t want them to get in the way of their eventual separation. If she never told him how deeply in love she was, then it wasn’t real. By his own actions, his own avoidance, she knew there wasn’t anything deeper than friendship. That he saw all of her, and still had no love left in his heart for who she was. Their connection was deeper than words could describe – not even the best of poets could place verbal meaning to what they shared – but that didn’t mean that V wasn’t hurt by the fact he never grew to love her like she loved him. 

“Johnny! Seriously!? Now is not the time! We have shit to do, and I don’t wanna spend the time --”

“So was that a lie then!? A lie that you wanted to fix us!? Fuck V, even had that gonk fooled!” 

“It wasn’t a lie!” 

“Oh, that so? Then you better be real fuckin’ honest with me real quick.” His scowl made her clench, arms hugging around her tighter. As much as she wanted things to go back to normal, once the words left her mouth she knew there was no going back. 

“Everyone always wants to rat on me for bein’ a piece of shit, and maybe I deserved it. But everyone seems to think you walk on water, V. Got some intel for ya – you don’t. You’re just as bad as I was. Don’t fuckin’ wait up. I’ll finish this shit with you, but I’m gonna see what Atlanta has to offer ol’ Silverhand, ‘cause there’s nothin’ at home.” 

He turned from her, making V reach out and grab his shoulder. “You serious!? You can’t just roll ‘round --” 

“Watch me.” Pulling his shoulder from her, Johnny booked it down the street, hands in his pockets, the hot Georgia sun beating down on them both. His back to her, and it wasn’t like it normally was. He wasn’t leading her on some adventure, or getting so excited that he was jogging ahead. He wasn’t facing away from her to keep an eye on something in the distance, or giving her some privacy. 

Living together for what felt like ages, and this might have been the first time she saw him walk away from her in rage. Even she didn’t leave him with her back turned to him, waving goodbye before the door of her apartment closed. Face in her hands, she sat on a nearby bench, contemplating what to even do. 

Letting him walk away was a mistake, if only because no matter the city, Johnny was apt to find trouble. More than that, if she really thought about it, letting him walk was a sign to him that he wasn’t worth putting up a fight for anymore. The woman who spat in Hanako Arasaka’s face, who risked everything for him, wasn’t even willing to jog a ways down the road. Recognizing she couldn’t just sit on that bench forever, she got up, trekking back to her parked truck, unsure of what to even do. 

The curse of November, no matter the heat, was that the sun always set at an early time, blanketing the world in a dark embrace. Darkness in a city meant trouble, and V couldn’t keep sitting in her parked truck, frozen from having to decide. It really had been three years since she was fully alone, making her own calls. The motel seemed the best place to be, as of now, as it was the only place to rest her head and try and think clearly. Johnny at least said he’d finish this with her, implying that he’d be back at some point, and there was really no way for V to search all of Atlanta for him. Was it even her place to do so? If he needed help, he’d call. And if he didn’t call and didn’t return she’d go from there. Try anything to do what she needed to. 

Absentminded and indecisive, V made her way back to the room, sitting on the bed with her feet touching the floor. The red glow of the lights reflected off of the ring on her finger as she turned it. Their time apart made her forget the little details about him – like how he only showed his teeth when he smiled at her, or how his hands would dwarf hers so easily, or how emotional they got any time they spoke. Bed to herself, she fell back, looking up at the ceiling.

Right. Lovers suite. There was a mirror on the ceiling. If she didn’t have to pay for damages or clean up glass, she would have smashed it to avoid looking at herself, an image she barely recognized. Face the same as it had always been, it was only the look in her eyes that seemed so foreign, so unlike her. To run from Johnny may have been her excuse, but she ran from herself too. And now she’s too far from the starting point to turn back.

Sleep creeping in, V let it take her, the soft mattress a lot better than her tub. 

A thud.

Shooting up, she grabbed her gun. Something hit the door, and they were not well liked by at least one gang in the city. She doubted they found her, but she had to be safe. Steadying her breathing, she stepped lightly to the door, ear to it to listen out. Another hit, a groan, and harder hit, the sound of fabric sliding against the door. Cautious, V opened the door part way, peering out into the hall. Her own groan let out at the sight, some drunk fell against the door, slurring out words, bleeding on the floor. She figured she should at least go down to the lobby and let someone know. Taking one look, she felt bad for the poor gonk, clearly getting into some bar fight.

Wait. That was her gonk.

“Johnny!? Holy shit!” Kneeling next to him, gun holstered, V pulled his slumped over body up into a sitting position, getting a better look at him. The only nice shirt he packed was tattered, slashes all through it, blood staining it. “What happened!?”

“”M drunk,” was the response he gave, V cursing under her breath as she tried to think about a way to get him into the room without hurting him too much. 

“Yeah, Johnny, I don’t think that’s the worst thing that happened to you! You realize you’ve been stabbed a bunch, right!?” She had to stop panicking and think. Focus on getting him to where she could help him. “Fuck...C’mon, can you stand? Made it here yourself, right? Should be able to stand.” Reassurance for herself, mostly, but she wanted to see if he could. 

“Prolly not – gonna have ta help me.” Slurred words confirmation enough, V carefully lifted him, trying her hardest not to let him drag on the floor or touch the wounds. First aid is best done in the bathroom, but she couldn’t make it there. Lying him on the bed, placing pillows behind him, realizing she needed more she darted into the bathroom, grabbing her pillows to help keep him comfortable. Those placed behind him, she got to work. 

First matter of business, change her own clothes. She wasn’t going to clean blood out of two sets of clothes – or at least one set that was hers. One of Johnny’s larger shirts and her sleep shorts put on, she then rummaged around in her supplies, bringing out the medkit. MaxDoc in hand, she held it up to Johnny as he huffed it, the medicine at least taking the edge off. Hair tied back, she crawled onto the bed next to him, knowing she needed to get to work quickly to stop the bleeding. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, Johnny. How do you always end up doin’ this shit?” Glad he wore a button up today, she slowly popped each button, pushing the clothing off him, Johnny hissing as she accidentally grazed each slash mark. Shirt completely off, V grabbed out the cotton pads, soaking them in alcohol. “Gonna sting, okay?” 

“V...anyone ever tell you – ah!” Whatever he was going to say was cut off by V pressed the pad onto the first cut, a small one right above his hip. Moving up, she was able to disinfect each one, cleaning up the blood on her way up. A good look at each one and she noticed they weren’t as bad as she anticipated, Johnny clearly deft enough to avoid the blade going in too deep. 

“Need to make sure you don’t need to be stitched up, alright? Means I gotta poke around.” 

“You can do that one handed?” V nodded, eyes still on his torso. He was breathing hard, clearly still in a lot of pain, but at least he was both drunk and hopped up on MaxDoc. “Good,” was her warning before Johnny held her hand. She wanted to make a joke, ask him if he was five, but when she began working and he winced, squeezing her hand tight, she lost all desire to joke around. 

“You’re in luck. Only one needs to be sutured. The rest just need to be bandaged. Gonna need my hand back, Johnny.” 

He nodded, releasing her hand, placing his hand on her neck, fingers around her nape. “This fine? Jus’ need to touch ya…Keeps me...Keeps me here.” V bit her lip, just going back to work, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach at him voicing that to her. Gauze placed over the one that needed the most work, she began bandaging the rest, trying her best not to hurt him too much. 

“Mind tellin’ me how this even happened?” Twelve cuts in all, the eleventh taken care of, V needed to steady her hands before she started on the last one. Each time she heard Johnny grunt or saw him flinch, she felt herself lose more and more of her composure, hating to see him in pain. Needle threaded, she began searching for anything to numb the sight so that he didn’t have to suffer through having to feel each tug and pull of the sutures. 

“Dunno. Bar crawlin’. I’m in the next bar, tossin’ back shots, then ‘m on the ground, fightin’ off people yellin’ at me. Least they only had knifes.” V found what she needed, a low strength numbing gel. Not great, but it was better than nothing. Gel applied, she waited while it activated. “And, now I got the most beautiful girl in the world playin’ nurse. Can’t complain.” 

“Johnny...you are hella drunk if you’re sayin’ shit like that. Use that line on every girl that patches you up?” 

“Nah, only you.” Hand still on her neck, he used the side of his hand to push against her jaw to make her look at him, V wide eyed and flushed. This had to have been a dream. That she was still asleep on the bed that Johnny was currently on, not with him bleeding out over the sheets or telling her these things. 

“Gotta...stitch you up. Need my face for that.” His soft smile fell a little, a grimace spreading, but his hand relented, allowing V to look down. Everything in place, she began working, feeling Johnny tense up. The gel may have not been enough, but she could work fast. Emergency lessons at Vik’s paid off. Finished, V tied off the knot, cutting the thread. One last inspection, and everything looked in order. Cleaning up, V tried to rise to go put everything away, stopped by Johnny grabbing her. 

“Comin’ back?” 

“Want me to?”

“Do you even need to ask that?” 

Melancholy smile thrown his way, she shook her head. “Guess I don’t. Lemme wash my hands and put up the kit. I’ll sit with you ‘til you fall asleep. Won’t be long given how fuckin’ gone you are.” His hand let her go, and she made good on her word, putting everything up and washing her hands. Back on the bed, she sat on the edge, brushing the hair from Johnny’s face. He was sweaty, but she probably couldn’t swing going to grab a washcloth to clean him up while he was still awake.

“Least they didn’t get the money maker, huh pretty boy? Somehow you always end up with you face in tact.” 

“Remindin’ you of our first night clubbin’?” That memory made her laugh softly. The first time they were both cleared by Vik to do whatever they wanted, he warned them not to take it too far. Warning not listened to, she and Johnny both ended up in a bar fight. Drunk as shit, they shared the space in V’s small bathroom, sitting in the shower with their clothes on, trying to keep the blood from getting everywhere. Plan didn’t work, seeing as they couldn’t patch each other up while soaking wet, but they laughed until their sides hurt. 

“Not quite. This is a little different. Reminds me for of the time I messed up a mission while Vik went on vacation. First vacation in years, and I end up impalin’ myself on scrap metal – I think Misty also broke her ankle that weekend, and you had some nasty neurovirus. Didn’t stop you from yellin’ at me that I was gonna die of tetanus, screamin’ for smokes for the first time since you just quit, and I had to keep tellin’ you no one gets tetanus anymore, and the fever was makin’ you more of a dick. You stayed up all night pokin’ my jaw, and my stitches were so poorly done ‘cause I was distracted by you bein’ weird that now I have gross lookin’ scar.” 

Clearly still out of his damn mind, Johnny lifted the shirt she was wearing, finding the spot on her torso where she had impaled herself. His thumb ran over the scar, gnarled and bumpy, V sucking in air to keep from shivering. “Don’t look too bad to me. Only sad thing is messed up the tattoo here.” 

Thumb still tracing the scar, V was reminded of the tattoo he now sported on his arm. “You got a new one while I was gone. A naked woman curled inside a lily. Story there?” 

Johnny nodded, voice fading as he spoke, well on his way to sleep. “Ker and I went out one night, fuckin’ shit faced we got. He wanted to get somethin’ touched up, I was jus’ there. Said I should get somethin’ that meant somethin’ to me. Ended up with this.” It was a beautiful tattoo, and the more V looked at the woman inside, she wished she didn’t see some resemblances there.

“So a drunk mistake. Got it. Gonna remove it?” Johnny shook his head, eyes closing. 

“No fuckin’ way. See where it’s placed? You didn’t get yours removed.” 

“Guess I didn’t, no. Just seems so outta place among the snakes and black lines, ya know?” His hand finally fell, V thinking that he was asleep now that everything caught up to him. Sitting there a few more moments, V placed the covers over him after looking over his patched up chest. A glimpse of what could have been if things had played out differently. If she wasn’t so afraid of everything good in her life. Johnny said she was just as bad as he was, and she has to agree there. 

Gently, V moved, rising from her seat on the bed, pulled back down by a strong arm. “Stay here, V...whole night.”

“Johnny...you know I can’t. Just sayin’ that ‘cause you’re drunk, but in the mornin’ you’ll regret it – stone cold sober. Don’t want me here.”

“You’re actin’ like I hate you...Fuck, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I’m damn pissed off, and I’m fuckin’ hurt. Feels like you ripped out my damn soul. Rather be zapped by Soulkiller again than watch you walk away. Stay.” 

“Johnny --”

“Stay. Jus’ tell sober me that you had to keep pressure on some of the damn cuts. Make some shit up. You’re good at that. Sober me might doubt it, but he’ll get the picture.”

“You’re not thinkin’ clearly. Go back to sleep.” 

“Nah, my head’s fine. Hurt’s dulled when you’re drunk. Now all I’m left with is the empty feelin’ of not seein’ you when I wake up.” 

V sighed, still sitting on that bed, finding it harder and harder to find the will to get up. “Never woke up next to me, gonk. Thinkin’ of someone else.”

He hummed, eyes closing again. “True, but each mornin’ I could look ‘round that apartment and find you. Always smilin’. ‘Til one day...you weren’t smilin’. Two days later you weren’t even there.” 

“This isn’t right...”

“Not askin’ you to fuck me. ‘Sides, you think you leavin’ was right? Could go in circles all night, and you know it. And I’ll keep goin’ if it means I’ll see you here with me in the mornin’.”

“Fine,” helping Johnny, she moved some of the pillows around, turning him on his side. “But only ‘cause I’m real worried that you’re drunk enough to puke in the middle of the night.” Walking around to the other side of the bed, V crawled in, lying on top of the covers, but at least had a pillow under her head. She didn’t really plan on sleeping, intending to crawl out of the bed the first moment he seemed like he was waking up.

“Do you really not hate me?” Whispered to him, she figured he was already asleep, silent as she crawled into that bed. 

“I could never hate you, V. Never.” 

“You should...But, I’m glad you don’t.” Covered pulled back over his shoulder, she watched as he slept, not even realizing she had closed her own eyes at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other true love? Healing the other's wounds. Drunk confessions. SHARING A BED BECAUSE THE OTHER ACCIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP! I knew I was going to just indulge myself, but this chapter lives in my heart


	7. Savior Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _In our one room apartment  
>  But I'm too tired  
> To have a pissing contest  
> All the bad dreams that you hide  
> Show me yours, I'll show you mine ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I read this chapter I just feel so soft

Rolling around, V pulled the covers over her more, the sun shining right in her eyes. For once, she wanted to chase sleep so badly, finally able to sleep comfortably for the first time in a while. Not that she wasn’t thankful for the Aldecaldo cots, or the little mattress in the back of her truck, but all of those paled in comparison to an actual bed. But, she knew it wasn’t meant to last, the smell of coffee in the room, and some kind of egg dish making her realize it was time to get up. That, and panic setting in.

“Oh shit!” Jumping up, V threw off the covers, looking beside her to see only bloodstained sheets and nothing else. Fuck. She didn’t stay awake – hell, she didn’t even get out of the bed before him. Palm on her forehead, she just resigned herself to the fate of getting yelled by Johnny, knowing full well he was not going to be happy about this. 

“Well, well, well. Finally joined the world of the living, princess. Night that fuckin’ rough? Didn’t think I was that bad off. Somehow you look worse than I do.” 

A breakfast sandwich was thrown at her, reflexes kicking in to catch it. The mattress beside her dipped, Johnny handing her a coffee and a pill from her container. Sipping it first, she smiled behind the cup, made just the way she liked it, even if it was shitty, motel coffee. “Yeah, more for you than me. Had to clean you up, and I was scared that you were so drunk you were gonna choke on your own vom.” She wasn’t going to point out she fell asleep above the covers last night, but she figured she didn’t need to. “What time is it?” 

“Fuckin’ 1 PM. Thought somethin’ seriously fucked happened when I woke up, you’re there, feel like I got stabbed twelve times, and have a hangover to rival Dionysus. Guess my prediction that my little walk off caused all this was correct.”

“Right, you need to take some --”

“Tissue restoration meds? Yeah, I know. Took ‘em when I ate. And, before you ask, already called up that Jones motherfucker. We’re on the list.” 

V laughed as she took another sip of her coffee, unwrapping her sandwich. “Shit, you’d think I was the one who went out drinkin’ and got stabbed last night.” Johnny was smoking beside her, the action making him seem like the Relic version of himself again. “On that shard you were given, does it show the location?”

“Kinda. More like a highlight reel of the place, little snippets here and there. Wish it was some kinda BD so you could analyze it, but I don’t think it is.”

“Definitely not if you weren’t given a wreath. Lemme see it so that I can get a look.” Johnny grabbed it from her bag, slotting it into her port for her while she continued to eat. Breakfast and a movie, V watched the scene transpire, looking for anything she could use. 

As Johnny predicted, it was definitely some weird sex thing, everyone there dressed in fancy clothes and masks, the women there looking a little too pretty for it to be a normal thing, not to mention the topless wait staff. There wasn’t any text to accompany this, but the music was some kind of classical overture. Asking Johnny, he said it was an old Russian Waltz. Couples danced, a figure she recognized as Jones chatted with them, then came some of kind of presentation from who she could only assume was Lundee. Taking the hand of a woman, his partner she presumed, they danced with various couples. The only thing that struck her as overtly sexual, everything else being demure and hushed, was the process by which groups of four were paired off, being led to various rooms, Lundee among the people who were partnered off. That she could work with. A different reel played, but it was just snippets of sexual acts that could happen, she supposed.

Setup of the whole thing analyzed, V took to rewinding the shard, looking at the room it was held in. One thing she liked was it appeared to be on the top floor of the building, the ceiling above the room partly made of glass. The rooms people were led off to looked quiet enough, and so doing an interrogation there would be rather simple. If she was correct about this being connected to their smuggling operations, or some way to blackmail big name players, there might be secret tunnels she and Johnny could sneak out of. On further thought, that might not yield the best results, and should be used as a back up. If they could swing it, an aircraft lift out of the place might be better suited to their needs, using one of the contacts Rogue gave her to get it. Other than that, there wasn’t much else she could gather from the shard. Ejecting it, she handed it back to Johnny. 

“Did Jones flick you the location for this particular party?”

Cigarette snubbed out, Johnny nodded, leaning back on the bed. “Yeah, and I looked at the shard Rogue gave us to check it out. Same place shown in the shard we got from Jones. Top ‘Saka security, though that means jack shit right now. ‘Cause of our little meddlin’ in the company the stuff is mildly out of date, no means to get the latest and greatest. You’ll do just fine takin’ it down. Only problem is the muscle. Gonna have goons patrollin’ the whole place. Got a plan for how we’re gonna get this fucker alone to talk?”

“Read me like an open book Silverhand – my first thought was how to get him alone. Sure you saw at some point people are sent off to separate rooms, Lundee included. If we get him and his lady friend alone, it’ll be easy to get him to talk. We’re pretty good at that, I think. The problem is gettin’ to that point. We gotta find a way to get picked by Lundee himself. I can only guess there’s some selection process, and so I’m hopin’ we fit the requirements.” 

“Remind me – our aliases, they extremely high profile?” 

V opened up her holo, rechecking the documents she made. “Claims to be. And if we’re caught, that might actually work in our favor. See somethin’ that looks fake, more likely to get snagged, given we got somethin’ to hide. Though, I still predict we’re gonna have to work ourselves up more to even get to that point. Looks like a way to blackmail people, so we gotta make it look like we’re worth the trouble. You get that vibe?” 

Johnny shrugged, completely flopping on the bed to look up at V. “Dunno what kinda vibe I get from this, but it ain’t a good one. ‘Nother problem I see.” 

Still eating, V waved her hand, ushering him on. “Doesn’t matter that this is some sex thing – it’s a fancy party.” V just made a noise of confusion, oblivious to the issue here. She could clean up rather nice. Sure, she looked like a goblin most days out of the week, but that was on purpose. No merc wanted to draw too much attention to themselves while on the job, and riding with the Aldecaldos meant that she wasn’t going to any fancy dinners any time soon. 

“You’ve been to corpo dinners and corpo social events, where all you had to do was talk biz and stand there in a suit. That’s not what this is. We gotta mingle – blend in. I’m a lot smoother than you are,” a statement of fact, but she did know how to copy him rather well, “and we have to dance. And not that club shit where you look like you’re in the middle of a Relic malfunction. I mean ballroom dance.”

There was the problem. If she wasn’t still eating she would have fought back about her club dancing, but she couldn’t deny she didn’t know how to slow dance. “Isn’t it jus’ swayin’ back and forth?” Her mouth full of food, Johnny looked disgusted at her, like he didn’t also do this. Hypocrite.

“Every time you open your mouth I feel myself gettin’ dumber and dumber. Forgot how to read once after you told me ‘bout the scop you used to watch as a kid. Ya know, outta everyone I ever met you’re the most uncultured person I’ve seen. I’d ask if you were raised in a barn, but nah, you were raised somewhere worse – in a caravan. Least when I was bein’ paraded around these things like a circus monkey by the record labels I knew my shit. Hated every moment, but didn’t have some fuckin’ head filled with pop music and corp fed television.” 

“Ever think that the damn times have changed? I don’t know a single person who even listens to classical music anymore. At what point was I supposed to magically know how to do some out dated dance, know some old ass music? Shit was old when you were young.” Wiping her hands on the sheets, she saw him seethe even more, but it was in the same playful way when they used to get under the other’s skin, not the actual hatred he expressed to her now. Finally rising from the bed, V stretched out her limbs, feeling more awake than she ever had been before. “So, you just gonna complain ‘bout my lack of ‘culture’ or are you actually gonna teach me how to dance so we don’t get fingered for fakes immediately?” 

“Like I have a choice.” Hoisting himself off the bed, he began searching around the room, muttering to himself about finding a radio to play music from. “Get ready for the day. Not dancin’ with you when you stink.” 

“You always tell me I stink, but may I remind you of which one of us refused to wear deodorant for a decade because it quote ‘disrupts my hormones and I need those to fuck’?” They were falling back into a familiar rhythm, and V was appreciative of it. Made everything feel a lot better, especially getting close to her goal. 

Johnny just scoffed, connecting his holo to the newly discovered radio. “Ya know, had someone not said shit to me, I still wouldn’t wear the stuff. I’m tellin’ you the formula only got worse over the years. Feel my dick shrivelin’ up.” V’s “ew” made him flip her off, V ducking into the bathroom to get ready for the day. She showered quickly, drying her hair as best she could with the shit motel dryer. Coming back out of the bathroom, Johnny was scrolling his holo, leaned against the wall near the radio. Tapping it as soon as she exited, classical music filled the room. 

“You’re in luck, just ‘cause I noticed these people aren’t doing full ballroom dance shit. Just a watered down version of it. Figure it’s a way for them to talk to potential partners. Likely means we’ll be swappin’ dance partners.” 

“Not gonna punch mine in the face if he looks at me wrong?” Hand on her hip, V stood in the cleared off part of the room, figuring they’d be dancing there. 

Cracking his knuckles in a show of effort, Johnny walked over to where she was, looking down at her with that ever present, displeasing look. “So fuckin’ glad I’m droppin’ your ass in Night City when this is over. Never let shit go. Music’s in full swing. Pay attention, and if you zone out I’ll choke you.” 

“Kinky.” 

“V.”

“Alright, I promise I’ll listen. Forgot you don’t like a taste of your own shit.”

His first instructions were on form, having V hold one hand, the other placed on his shoulder. The hand of his that wasn’t holding her own came to rest on her waist, her breath hitching as she flashed back to the night prior, his thumb tracing her scar. “I know you, and I know you’re gonna hate this, but the man leads. If you’re dancin’ with a woman, take cues on what she’s like – though I doubt you’ll attract a bottom.” 

“Not even gonna ask if people can sniff that out, ‘cause I know they can.” Trying to focus on something else, V tried to think about Judy and Panam absolutely tearing into her for being a bottom, like it was some badge of honor to be a top. Her giggles made Johnny groan, taking his hand from her waist and flicking her arm. 

“Focus, V. You’re steppin’ on my damn toes.” 

“The fuck did you expect? You said I danced like I was seizin’ out a bit ago.” To get him off her case, she focused back, feeling the heat creep up her like a wildfire encroaching a forest. Falling into rhythm wasn’t easy for V, trying hard to avoid bumping into him. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, you gotta move in closer.” Sucking in another breath, she moved in like he said, close enough to brush against him as they swayed, her head dangerously near his chest, one step forward and she’d be leaning against him. He didn’t say anything about the fact she was looking at their feet, but she could feel his stare on the top of her head. 

“Part the plan we didn’t talk about – how we escapin’ the place?” 

Feet dancing around his, V tried hard to concentrate on keeping the distance between them friendly, room enough for Jesus, so to speak. “Thinkin’ of two ways. First one I like the most is escapin’ from the roof. We’re both no strangers to evacuating from roof tops, and it’s prolly gonna be easier than the second option. Which – ‘fore you ask – is findin’ one of their secret routes outta the building. Bad vibe I’m gettin’ likely means there’s secret tunnels leadin’ outta the place, but those might not be our best option.”

“’Cause you think they’ll be heavily guarded?” V hummed a response to take question, trying her hardest to keep tempo with the music. By now, Johnny wasn’t chastising her form, giving her praise for what she was going right, V gaining confidence in what she was doing. 

“Wanna tell me why you were wearin’ my shirt? Don’t remember givin’ it to ya.” The music slowed, their movements slowed with it. 

“Had to clean you up. Figured if you were gonna get shit bloody may as well be your shit. Forgot to change it when we went to bed. This place has a laundry room – I’ll wash it before we head home.” Johnny’s hand on her waist shifted, moving more towards the small of her back. “Am I doin’ alright?” 

“No. You fuckin’ suck at this. Keep tryin’ to lead me, pullin’ me with you. Don’t even listen when I tell you what you’re doin’ right. Just, let me guide.” He was right – V did hate this. Trying to relax her body, she was pulled into him more, forcing her to turn her head up to look at him. She expected him to still appear angry as all hell, but he had that distant look in his eyes, lost in thought like he always was. Every now and then V would try and read his thoughts, look into his soul, but she couldn’t. A habit she’d likely never break as long as they were in close proximity. 

“You actually feelin’ alright? Know that your injuries weren’t too bad, but you still got the shit beat outta you.” V shifted the hand on his shoulder, moving it away from his neck, trying to make the contact less intimate. All in vain, as Johnny swiftly moved it back, some small lecture on keeping form thrown her way. He didn’t answer her question, but his complaining was enough to tell her he was doing fine.

Music staying slow, drawing them closer and closer together, V was standing close enough to have her chest against his, faces looking at one another. Straying from their original mission, the two let the music convey their unsaid feelings better than their words could have. Still, V felt the need to speak, rectify her wrongs to him, because she knew she messed up. And damn did she miss him.

“Wanna say it again...I shouldn’t’ve left. I ran...and I’m sorry.” 

The hand clasped in hers let it go, moving it to his other shoulder, both hands on her waist. A memory, something related to a thing called prom flashed in her brain, but that’s all it was – a flash. Left overs from the Relic only brought up if certain words prompted them. Funny enough, it made her smile at him. 

“Just wanna know why you did. Hate bein’ in that city without you, but I hate that you lied to me more. Meant what I said in that jackass’s office – left me with your damn ghost. Like if the Relic really did take you away and I was left with the shell of your life.” 

“It’s...complicated. Not like I’m an easy nut to crack, but this is somethin’ else. You uh...you might hate me more if I told you.” 

Johnny sighed, V feeling the movement of his body, her own flush against his. “You didn’t hear this from me, but I could never hate you. Just wanna know...” But she did hear it from him before. Heard it the night prior, reaffirmed here as more than drunken ramblings. 

In this moment, closer than they had been in ages, V felt more fear than she had when things were life or death. She was nowhere near ready to handle all the feelings she had for him – feelings he’d likely never reciprocate, too much to contend with. But there was something compelling about the way he looked at her, like he looked at no one else, that made her yearn so deeply that she slipped.

“Johnny, I’m still so fuckin’ afraid to say it. Don’t really wanna, but I know you deserve somethin’ other than me bein’ a constant fuck up. The truth is that I l --”

The music stopped, the ringtone of Johnny’s holo going off, breaking the trance. Realizing their position, the two separated, the holo answered, Johnny trying to clear his throat as he spoke. “Hey, Mel. Can’t talk long – don’t want shit traced. Somethin’ happen?” 

Oh fuck, his output. Utter fool she is, V completely forgot he wasn’t on the market in the slightest. Melanie must have Misty level premonition, calling right as she was about to confess it all and hope for the best. Fight instead of run. Now, as she slid into the bathroom, she fell back again, sinking into the depths of her abyss, finding nothing but rocks, seaweed, and lamentation for something she so royally fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then I feel like I'm rattling the bars of my cage, so pissed that an opportunity was ripped away


	8. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Your face it dances and it haunts me  
>  Your laughter is still ringing in my ears  
> I still find pieces of your presence here  
> Even after all these years ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay look, hear me out. These two cannot talk about things unless they drunk or prodded. And today we have another drunk scene, but it is very important. A turning point. And also, they are in a tub. It's me trying to feel the most things before I shove them into action. 5k worth of me killing myself softly. Speaking of!! Next chapter has a lot more action in it than this one :3

Gripping the door frame as soon as the door slid open, V knew she must have been a sight. Woken up by a nightmare, V could tell she had that disheveled look to her, hair all over the place and eyes crazed, breathing heavily as she jumped from the tub. However, the urgency in her was not due to the contents of her dream. A more pressing matter was at hand.

“It’s your birthday!”

That’s how the day started, with a statement of fact that Johnny slept through, heaviest sleeper she had ever met. But, it was good enough for her, giving her time to slip out of the motel room and return with party supplies – two shot glasses and two bottles of liquor. Couldn’t mix him up a Johnny Silverhand given the limited supplies, but they could at least have a little party. They only had two days until the event with Lundee. Getting in touch with one of Rogue’s contacts, they also secured their escape route – a helicopter that would hover over the building’s airspace, undetected, waiting for them to give the signal they were ready to leave. V was also getting better at whatever dances Johnny was teaching her. They didn’t come as close as they did that first time, but they weren’t fighting as much anymore. 

Renewed sense of friendship among them, it’s how they both ended up in the tub, jacuzzi jets on, both in their underwear. For them, they could have been naked and it would have made no difference, but V didn’t think it was entirely right given his relationship status. So, underwear it was, laughing their asses off at shared stories, like they used to do. 

“Picture this, right. Strippers on stage. Think Nance hired ‘em – wasn’t me or Kerry, don’t think Denny woulda, and Henry was too far gone to even try. I’m in the middle of some song, don’t even remember, too faded. One stripper sees me raise my guitar to play a solo, and she gets on her knees, suckin’ me off in front of the crowd.” A drag of his cigarette ending that bit of the story, making V almost choke on the shot she was in the middle of taking, a comedy spit take painting the wall in front of her. 

“Fuckin’ liar! No way that happened! Woulda seen that shit when you were in my head. Johnny Silverhand, gettin’ his dick sucked on stage. That woulda been a key memory of yours.” 

“Hell no! I don’t even like gettin’ head that much, and I couldn’t even get that hard, but damn I was lovin’ it. It was the weirdest shit I have ever experienced all ‘cause I’m sure Nance hired the wrong kinda girls. Still gave one helluva performance, gettin’ booted from the venue midset. But Alt was piiiiissed. Best hate sex of my life.” 

Pouring herself another shot and one for him, V made a toast to Johnny, clinking their shot glasses together before downing the liquid. “All you ever talk about is sex, choom. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.” 

“Don’t forget corps.” 

“Ah, how could I ever forget?” She smiled fondly at him, and he just kept smoking, hiding his smile behind his hand. “Here, got a story for ya.” V rolled her shoulders, sinking into the warm water like it was the last time she would ever get to relax. “So, did you see the first thing I ever smuggled when you were in me?” 

“Not sure, but I’ll listen to any story you tell me.” 

“Good. I’m 18 years old, and the leader of the Bakkers comes over to where I’m sleepin’, spoutin’ some shit on how I’m an adult now, so I need to learn the tricks of the trade. Packs my Galena full of boxes that smell like pure shit. And I’m talkin’ worse than what I used to smell in metro bathrooms.” Both were laughing again, V taking another shot before she went on. 

“So I get close to the Night City border, I’m a nervous wreck, and I realize my papers are in the backseat. I keep drivin’ – and yes, I know I’m a shit driver – and end up slammin’ the car into a rock. Airbags go off, I’m disoriented, and all the boxes fly out the back since the hatch was busted. First thing I do is roll outta the car, and see it’s not on fire. Superficial damage, all things considered. Then I go check on the shit in the back. Motherfuckers were makin' me smuggle rotten fruit into Night City! I’m sure this is some kinda prank, so I call up a friend. Nah, these idiots were makin' me smuggle rotten fruit into the city. Wanna know why?” 

“Wait a milisec – this the story where you were droppin’ shit off at the prison yard for people to make toilet hooch?” 

“Bingo! And I’m sure you remember how it ends, then.”

“Fuck yeah I do. You were so outta your damn mind, one of the worse cases of whiplash I’ve ever seen, and you’re hangin' out by the fence of the Night City prison, drinkin’ toilet hooch from ladle ‘cause you thought it would be a funny story.” 

“Well, is it?”

“Kinda. But only ‘cause I remember seein’ it.” Johnny snubbed out his cigarette, leaning back in the tub, back against one set of jets. “Wanna shit on me for repeatin’ topics? Well, all you talk about is your damn job. Thinkin’ nothin’s changed.” Except it had, and V was waiting for him to bring it up. Not like the positive energy could ever last, things getting too close and too nice once more.

“Let’s talk ‘bout things that aren’t any of those,” his relaxed pose was left, leaning forward a little to sit up straighter, looking directly at her. Studying her again like he did in the truck when he decided to ride in the cab with her. 

“Fine by me...” It was risky, but it was his birthday. Maybe he wouldn’t turn the conversation where she thought it was going, it always coming back to her. “Whatcha wanna talk about?” 

“Still damn fuckin’ curious why you left.” 

“C’mon, Johnny. Just, forget that happened? For a day? It’s your birthday, not the time to --”

“If you had your way it would never be the time. Humor me.” Another cigarette lit, he blew the smoke her way. “Lemme just guess. Usually right, so I think I’ll continue that.” He paused, looking at her still, and V held her breath, trying not to flee again. “Was it me? Somethin’ I did?”

“What? No! Fuckin’ no!” 

“You dyin’, V?” She could hear the heartbreak in his voice as he asked that, likely something on his mind the entire time she was gone. 

“No...why would you think that? Told you, I’m doin’ great – physically. Everythin’ is healin’ just fine.”

“Don’t know how many times Panam has called me up, askin’ if I knew what the fuck was wrong with you. Actin’ like you really were on the way out, somethin’ goin’ all screwy. Ya know, I picked up each time ‘cause I thought you actually bit the dust and she was informin’ the next of kin.” 

“Look! I’m not dyin’. Havin’ a hard time, sure, but I’m fine.” Another shot, she didn’t pour Johnny one, just watching him begin to glare at her. “And ‘fore you ask, no I still don’t wanna tell you...Seriously, now isn’t the time.” Taking the shot she braced herself, knowing what was to come. God she was coward. An absolute piece of shit coward. 

“’Havin’ a hard time’ you say. Fuckin’ preem, V. Sufferin’ in silence like you always do. The worst of the worst. All I want is to know what the fuck happened between us! Everythin’ was goin’ great! We were talkin’ about movin’ into a bigger place together. Fuck, we even debated leavin’ the city behind for good, startin’ new somewhere else! And then bam! Outta my life for what seemed like forever.”

“I tried callin’ you! I wasn’t leavin’ you as a final goodbye!” 

“Calls don’t mean shit, V! Far as I’m concerned that was you tryin’ to sever ties with me the best way you knew how – pretendin’ what you’re doin’ is just normal behavior, and then one day you stop callin’. One day you’d drop off the face of the Earth, leavin’ me all alone again. Damn, you think Rogue and Kerry got time for me? Woke up in this shithole world, and all I wanted was to have you by my side. You and me against the world, like it seemed like it would always be. Destroyed ‘Saka for me – almost gave up your life to give me another shot at not fuckin’ up. But, I mean, fuck, what did I do wrong? If it isn’t you, then it’s me! Botched that shot!” Arms held in aggressive stance, he reached over to the bottle beside him, chugging some of the contents. 

“Johnny! You didn’t do shit wrong!” Standing up in the tub, V dripped water over him from her wet body, hand to her chest as she spoke. “Don’t blame yourself for me bein’ a piece o’ shit! I got scared, okay!? All that talk...’bout us startin’ over. Livin’ a better life...Scared the fuck outta me!”

The naked truth with one thing left unsaid. That horrid reality that he would drag her to another place, another city, but they would never share the tender moments she so wanted. That they’d live the rest of their lives as just friends, going through the motions of it all, potentially having to watch as Johnny fell in love with another. Valid concern considering where he spent his nights now. 

“Oh! So it was me. Fuckin’ preem. Nova! All the slang in the world for how fuckin’ great I feel right now!” 

“That’s not what I said!” 

“Fuck you! It’s exactly what you said!” Johnny rose from the water as well, finger jabbing into her collarbone, forceful shoves thrown her way. “I brought all that shit up! I’m the one who was runnin’ ‘round Night City lookin’ at places! Tried to make a better life for us, and you’re tellin’ me you pissed your fuckin’ pants over it!?” 

Staggering back, a drunk V tried to steady herself, almost failing miserably. “JOHNNY IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!” By this point voices were raised well above the level of a friendly conversation, screams thrown in snarled faces. 

“DON’T GIVE ME THAT ‘IT’S NOT YOU IT’S ME’ SHIT, V! KEEP FORGETTIN’ I KNOW YOU!” 

“AND I KNOW YOU! YOU AND I COULD BUILD A LIFE ALL WE WANT, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU’D KEEP ME SIX FEET AWAY OR I’LL END UP SIX FEET UNDER!” 

“WANNA TELL THAT SHIT TO T-BUG!? EVELYN!? WAS ALMOST ROGUE AND PANAM! WAS ME! HOW ‘BOUT YOU STROLL YOUR ASS DOWN TO THE COLUMBARIUM AND TELL JACKIE THAT SHIT!?”

“OH YEAH!? WANNA BRING UP ROGUE, I’M NOT THE ONE WHO FORCED THEMSELVES BACK INTO HER LIFE AFTER 54 YEARS! WHY DON’T I BOOT MY NETRUNNIN’ ASS INTO THE NET AND HIT UP ALT, HUH!? ASK HER HOW TRYIN’ TO BUILD SOMETHIN’ WITH YOU GOES!” 

Try as she might, V couldn’t remember how it happened, but both of them came toppling down, falling into the warm water below. Likely the cause was the fact they were both drunk, yelling and staggering on a slippery surface, but it could have also been the small shoves placed on the other as the argument heated up. Johnny landed first, V landing on top of him, having to move quickly to scuttle off him so that he could raise his head above water. Coughing out water, V kept his hair out of his face so that more water didn’t drip into his mouth. When he was done, both were left near the other, V facing him, seated between his legs, hands still holding back his hair.

“Wanna know the worst thing, V?” His voice was rough, cracking as he spoke, the yelling, coughing, drinking, and smoking likely not helping his abused larynx. “We coulda been the best of chooms – were the best of chooms – and we still woulda had this fight. Wanna know why?” 

“Don’t have to take a guess. Most of what we do is fight...Find new ways to bring up old wounds. Ya know, we spent a lotta time talkin’ over what good the Relic did...Lettin’ us find another person who knew all the good and bad we had. Bringin’ us together in a way we both have trouble tellin’ others about ‘cause they could never understand. But, we still choose to just duke it out. Least we didn’t come to blows this time.”

“This time. C’mere.” Johnny pulled her forward, an awkward, wet hug. Easing into it, V turned her body around to sit better, back against his chest, his arms over her shoulders, chin resting on the top of her head. “Feelin’ real weird. More time I spend back with you, the less I want this to end. Knowin’ you’ll be leavin’ once we make it back to Night City. Got a lot of shit to say to you – for you to know how fucked up I am over you leavin’ me.” 

“Said it yourself...Want me outta your life. Don’t you think that’s for the best? Cant’ keep hurtin’ the other.” 

“You’re the one who put it on the table, gonk. Only took the offer ‘cause you strolled into the apartment like nothin’ happened. Actin’ like shit was normal. Expectin’ me to greet you with open arms, when you didn’t deserve that.” 

“Still don’t...”

His sigh pushed her forward a little, then let her lean back into him. “Maybe. Forgive, not forget, right?” 

“Not even sure how you’ve found it in you to forgive me.” 

“Dunno. Prolly pullin’ it outta the same place that you pulled the second chance you gave me.” 

“This really how it’s always gonna be? Us – cyclin’ back and forth. Hurtin’ the other and givin’ ‘em endless chances? Gotta stop, Johnny. Shit’s not right.” 

Johnny just let out a puff of air, somehow humored by all this. He thrived in the chaos, sure, but even V knew that it took its toll on him, just as it took its toll on her. “The world’s fucked. We’re fucked. Everyone and everythin’s fucked. Not a damn thing is ‘right.’ Nothin’ in our lives, anyway. But could you, could I, ever really let the other go completely?” 

“Suppose you’re right. Way you’re talkin’, sounds like you don’t wanna cut ties when this is over.” 

“Undecided, technically.”

V sighed, still seated there in his arms, their legs touching as the jets massaged away the hurt. “Far as birthdays go, sure this one was pretty shit. The worst.”

“Pfft, you weren’t there the time everyone threw me a surprise party but forgot to invite me.” That made them both laugh a little, the vibration of it against V’s back, certain her own laugh resonated in his chest. “Right after a gig, everyone dipped. Left alone in some dive bar, drinkin’ my sorrows away, thinkin’ they really did get tired of my shit and decided to fuck me over one last time. Shagged up with the chick next to me at the bar, and in the mornin’ I’m gettin’ calls from Kerry askin’ where the fuck I was.”

Actually remembering this one, V jumped in, finishing the story for him. “Off on the road to Arizona on a Nomad route is where you were. Had to get Denny to race her ass down there to come bust you out.” Head leaning back against him, Johnny still had his chin on her, beard now tickling her forehead. “I know I messed up bad, Johnny. Keep sayin’ it, but I am sorry.” 

“Don’t really wanna forgive you sometimes, even though I know I already did. Have this feelin’ that if I do, you’ll worm your way back into my life only to up and leave again when shit hits the fan. Fuck, shit was goin’ fine and you still left. That’s the one thing that’s keepin’ me from askin’ you not to go once we zero that motherfucker.”

“There somethin’ I can do to...reassure you I won’t just drop you? That you’ll always be a part of my life?” 

“Yeah, there is. But, not ready to tell ya yet.” Oh he was certainly being difficult about this. And that was fine. A good sign. Because he was waiting for her to make the first move – find out and keep working. Still...

“Dick.”

“Cunt.”

Closing her eyes, V just sat there in the water with him, neither making a move to get up for a while. Had the water not been getting colder, she could have fallen asleep like this, warm body against her own. The body she fought so hard to get, yet abandoned when she felt the first signs of extreme vulnerability. The body she really, really wished loved her back. The body she’d work to find out what it took to have him at least answer her calls. 

“Realized somethin’, princess.” 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m fuckin’ cold.”

Johnny pushed her forward, standing up from where he was seated in the tub. Towels nearby, he grabbed one, drying off his hair first before he even moved down to the rest of his body, only stepping out of the tub once his upper half was dry enough. V turned her head, hearing the wet splat of his boxers hitting the floor, only turning to face him once she heard the fabric of the towel stop moving, it likely hanging from his hips. Pleasantly correct, V just stayed in the water, waiting for him to continue speaking, knowing he was far from ever done. 

“Bed’s big enough for four people. Crawl in there and we’re finishin’ the damn bottles.” 

Biting her lip, V finally stood up, pulling the drain on the tub before she began the same process of drying, Johnny turning from her as she took off her bra and panties, same splat on the floor of the bathroom as his. Wrapping the towel around her body, she just sighed. “Johnny, I’m not drinkin’ an entire bottle of liquor. Is the plan to fuckin’ die tonight?” 

“Forgot you were a fuckin’ pussy.” If he hadn’t left the bathroom she would have argued back, stating the fact that even he, in his prime, couldn’t finish a damn bottle. Through the door, she heard him calling to her, just continuing to dry off while he spoke to her. “Jus’ c’mon! I’m the birthday boy and I wanna make the next ripperdoc to look at my liver to shit the bed!”

“Ugh, fine. Just...Lemme get dressed, I’ll be out in a minute.” Clothed and dry, V grabbed the two bottles and their shot glasses, seeing Johnny cursing under his breath as he tried to make the bed, head swimming enough to make that a difficult task. Swapping places, Johnny was now in possession of the bottles while V made the bed, allowing them both to climb on top of the covers, taking one more shot each. 

“So, anyone message you for your birthday?” 

“Just Ker and Rogue. You three are the only people who knows when I was born. The fuck I look like givin’ out that kind of information? ‘Sides, not that important of a day. Who the fuck is happy to be born?” 

“I’ll cheers to that,” another shot poured, and they tossed it back. “I’m happy you were born, though. So we’re clear.” 

Laughing, Johnny set down the shot glass, flopping back on the pillows, hands behind his head. Over the years V had gotten good at reading his body language, learning how he felt just from how he lounged about. Right now, he was actually happy, and she was thankful that he was. Something good for today. “Happy you were born too. Corp coopted holiday, sure, but fuck it. I’d celebrate your birthday too.”

“We do celebrate my birthday. You’re the one who resisted each year to lettin’ me throw you a party. In fact, this looks like every year we’ve celebrated the damn thing. Ya know what, since you’re partly me, my birthday party is now your birthday party, asshole. Now everyone knows you didn’t materialize outta thin air.” That had Johnny laughing again, playfully shoving her so that V was lying down next to him, on her side. 

“Damn you’re fuckin’ stupid. Don’t drink on our mission, ‘cause if you do shit’s gonna go wrong real quick.” 

V just hummed, swirling head making her sleepy. But, she had to stay awake, and she could do that by asking more questions. “Even Melanie didn’t wish ya happy birthday?” 

“Why would she? Doesn’t know when I was born.”

“She know who you really are, not whatever alias you’ve made for yourself? Seemed to know ‘bout me.” 

“Why the fuckin’ interest in her, V?” Agitation crept into his voice, and that got V more awake.

“Dunno...guess I just wanna know the parts of your life that I missed. And, ‘fore you ask, nothin’ with me has changed. Nothin’ with the Aldecaldos has changed. Same shit as it’s always been. You’re the one of the two of us with a mystery person.”

A sigh, and he turned on his side to face her, lips pulled into a straight line, eyebrows knitted together. “Tellin’ me no Nomad scop went tail chasin’ after you?” V shook her head, noise of disagreement from her. “Find that hard to believe, but whatever. Yeah, Mel knows who I am. No reason to lie to ‘er.” 

“She that important to you?”

“Somethin’ like that. More like she needed to know who I was to even trust me to begin with.” V supposed that was likely true. If she was in a relationship with someone she’d want to know all of them: past, present, and what they wanted for the future.

“But, you didn’t tell her your birthday?”

“Fuckin’ no.”

“Would you have told me if I wasn’t magically blessed with that info?”

That got Johnny to smile again, not moving from his place on his side. “Prolly, yeah. Mostly to piss ya off that I wouldn’t let you throw a party. Pretty damn funny if you ask me.”

V giggled, like a kid, knowing that she would have been lucky enough to be trusted with such precious information – information his fucking output didn’t know. “Dick. And what’s the other part that makes up why you’d tell me?”

“You respect me enough not to go outta your way to go behind my back and plan one. All of Samurai knew the damn day ‘cause Kerry can’t keep his mouth shut. Far as I know, all my secrets are safe with you.”

“Likewise with mine...”The whole scene was too intimate for V. Lying next to the other, face to face, discussing trust. Soulbonded and all, of course there was something like that between them, but to be able to move, just an inch, and touch him again was too close. A shiver ran down her spine, spreading to her limbs. Johnny must have seen it, sensed the closeness, telling her to get up. Seemed right, after all. Even at their closest they never shared this close of space together, always opting for different forms of contact and friendly intimacy. But, he just pulled the covers on her side of the bed back, muttering about how she should lie back down. That he wasn’t done talking to her. A pause, and he kept waving his arm toward the open space, V lying back down, him covering her with the blankets.

“Reminds me – you ever...” Johnny started asking her questions about some gig they did together three years ago, and she answered, sharing stories back and forth of happier times. Times when, even if she tried to run and hide, he’d be there, pulling her from the depths. He was always a real dick about it, but at what point is a cobra going to be anything but intimidating? To play, fire for fire, something was bound to happen, and V was thankful someone threw down a blanket to put one or both of them out when things got too intense. But that was the past, and this was now. And this time she let the fire consume her – take her out.

Deep in the night, Johnny fell asleep, and unlike the last time, V rose from the bed, tired limbs soaked in alcohol crawled to the bathroom, sitting there in the still slightly damp tub, unable to sleep. As the days got closer to her actually achieving a goal she thought was so out of reach, the nightmares came in stronger – reliving the day over and over again. A stark reminder that she had to accomplish what she set out to do. That there was no other option than for this guy to die. She never had the anger that Johnny did when he wanted to take down Arasaka or when he discovered Smasher was still around, but she had that self destructive determination. To achieve her goal at all costs, minus sacrificing Johnny to the same fire. Strange as she thought it was, tonight was likely the last time those two would ever celebrate anything together, especially if things went sideways. Many things could go wrong, and V thought of each and every one. If she couldn’t sleep, she’d find work arounds. All of which involved removing Johnny from the fight first, allowing him to live and carry on. And if things went right, Johnny was still undecided, and if she lost that fight too he’d be gone. 

Thoughts blocking out all other things, V kept typing away on her holo, fingers not cooperating in the way she wished, but good enough to get a rough idea on how to clean up her altered plans in the morning. Breaking her concentration was the sound of a body slumping over, the distinctive sound of vomit hitting a toilet bowl immediately following it. Turning her head, she just sighed, seeing Johnny hugging the bowl. Horrible way to end a birthday, but he did down a bunch of alcohol. 

Out of the tub, V knelt beside him, pulling his hair from his face, holding it in one hand while she rubbed his back with the other. “Gotta stop meetin’ like this, Johnny. Late at night and ‘m takin’ care of you again.” 

Cheek pressed to the seat, he tried to look back at her, a chuckle preceding his quip back at her. “Makes up for all the fuckin’ nights I took care o’ you.” Another round, and V just kept the same form, hair in one hand and making soothing motions with the other. Dry heaving signaling the end, Johnny just leaned back against her, forcing V to hit the wall of the bathroom, his head resting on her chest. 

“Hey, let’s get you back to bed. Don’t wanna sleep on the floor, alright.” 

“Fuck off, not movin’.” V groaned, still a little too gone herself to really fight him. Stuck on the floor, he curled more and more into her touch, moving her arms to hold him to her. He must have been feeling like real shit if he was seeking her out for comfort. “You know, you really can die in a hole, V.” 

“Oh? Why this time? ‘Cause I got bony collarbones?” V didn’t dare move, rigid and stiff, afraid of what it would mean to move from this little spot on the floor. “You’re the one who’s leanin’ on me, gonk.” 

“Not ‘bout this. Took you leavin’ and me hatin’ you for you to realize you cared ‘bout me.” The indignant huff she let out at hearing that sounded a little too Silverhand for her, and so she just sighed, covering it up. 

“I’ve always cared about you...If I didn’t --”

“Eat shit. You can claim ya did all you want, but when it came down to the wire it was always me that was expected to drop everythin’ and pick you up. Sure, couldn’t do much else when we were saddled together, but even after. Know how many times you expected me to just...do shit like this? Let’s say this shit happened a year ago – two maybe. Would you have come over here to help me out?” 

How could she even go about answering that question? It made her pause, ponder, whether or not she really would have dropped what she was doing to hold his hair and rub his back. Why she now, on instinct, treated him with kindness rather than the callous jokes she normally threw his way. Nights when he came home drunk, she laughed at him, finding humor in how he was. She was a terrible person. The absolute worst of the worst. And now she chooses this? Fuck, he was right. God damn he was right as he usually was. 

“Hate to say it, but I probably wouldn’t’ve, nah. Guessin’ you would’ve wanted me to...but woulda never asked. Fuck, Johnny. Outta the two of us you always seemed to know how to just move it on – always in motion. What’s worse...is I knew you wanted someone by your side just to...help you out. I’m hopin’ that you’ve found it while I was gone, ‘cause fuck. It isn’t me. Never knew how to really comfort someone else. Always had to fix my own problems so I...I dunno.” 

“And that’s your fuckin’ problem. Always thinkin’ that you’re the victim. Thinkin’ that the worst of the worst is happenin’ to you, and when you help someone out you’ve magically fixed their whole life. And shit, for some of ‘em you did, but not everyone. For some of ‘em you caused more problems than you fixed.” 

V felt like crying, the alcohol still in her system making her more emotional. Swallowing it, she finally moved to hug him more, likely more for her comfort than his. Another truth thrown her way and she could never find enough water in the world to help it down. To care for someone is to let oneself show that a person loves them in some way. For V to do that would feel like suicide to her. To let it be known whether or not she would be rejected outright for even trying.

His body grew more and more limp, V realizing she wasn’t going to be leaving the floor that night, Johnny once again drunk and passed out near her. Threading her fingers through his hair, he hummed, sinking further into her. Whenever she found out what he wanted from her, what it would take to make it up to him, she would do it all. She owed him after everything she ever put him through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to all the people who have read this far, given this story a kudos, and left a comment <3 they're just all so very sweet and I love them!!


	9. The Killing Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _In starlit nights I saw you  
>  So cruelly you kissed me  
> Your lips a magic world  
> Your sky all hung with jewels  
> The killing moon will come too soon ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know the part in the fake dating AU where they gotta prove it?

Arm in arm, Johnny and V stood outside the doors of the top floor penthouse, buying time as V scanned the area, looking at all the security she could before they were let in. Garbed in her sleek black dress and a shawl around her shoulders, Johnny in his suit, they blended in perfectly, enough to allow her to work without raising suspicion. Chatting with the other guests, V had to admit that Johnny was right when he said he was smooth enough to navigate these types of events, none of them ever tiring from listening to him, which meant they didn’t look at her. Tapping him three times, she gave him the signal that she scanned the area enough to know how to dismantle most of the things she saw.

Walking forward, both were asked for their invite, Johnny producing the shard that Jones gave them. Allowed in after a full body scan, they were ushered into the room, similarly dressed individuals mingling with people they knew, or dancing on the floor. V noticed something odd about half of the more fancily dressed guests, all having a certain marking on their clothes. Whispering, on coms with Johnny before they even arrived at the event, she didn’t need to lean in to talk to him, pretending to be in awe of the décor, nothing that should seem weird to anyone looking at her. “Gotta figure out which guest is Lundee. I’m thinkin’ he has to be hidden away somewhere still – waitin’ for some grand reveal. Usin’ people to get him the best of the best so he doesn’t have to do leg work. I’ll start searchin’ for who those people might be. Some people are dressed in suits with a little insignia on them – might try chattin’ them up too.”

“How you even notice shit like that is beyond me. I was gonna go take his damn woman if he lets her off the leash – that’ll get us in. Might be pretendin’ to be some scop, but --”

“Who could resist Johnny Silverhand? I know. Seriously, do you have anything else to your personality? Plus I’m sure she’s not out, so try and woo some other person.” 

“Glad you see things my way now.” A light smack to his arm, and she began mingling with other guests, Johnny doing most of the talking until she was pulled into a conversation about network data, which was more up her alley. Never straying far from the other, V always had her eyes on him, and Johnny seemed to be doing the same. If she was honest, whatever the hell this was, it boring her out of her damn mind, yawning when the conversations lulled. Sure, she could keep up, but do these people care about anything worth a damn? 

“Hair looks nice, V.” Johnny’s voice over the com got her attention, making her turn to him. He wasn’t looking at her, rather he was talking to some fancier looking woman, but she still smiled his way. 

“Thanks. Decided to wear it up. Never know when a hairpin is needed.” 

“Can’t to see what ya stab with that thing. Above or below the belt?” That made her laugh a little, making her think he could read her mind, the people she was around asking her what it was that made their discussion of rogue Netrunners so funny. Excusing herself from the group, she picked up a wine glass from a tray, making her way back to Johnny. Interrupted, V was confronted with a familiar face. 

“Ah, Mrs. Morgan! Glad to see you here. Your husband with you?” 

“As a matter of fact, he is,” using the hand with her glass in it, she pointed in the direction of Johnny, gaining quite some attention with whatever the fuck he was talking about. “I was just about to meet back up with him. Care to join me?”

“Momentarily. Personally, I wanted to speak with you, dear. Take a walk?” Looking over to Johnny, he gave her a subtle thumbs up, at least giving her a hint that he knew where she was going. Nodding, she took Jones’ arm, walking with him around the room. Stopping by a large window overlooking the city, he offered her a chair at one of the small tables, V gladly sitting. “Lovely place isn’t it?” 

“I have to say, it is gorgeous. New York has some places like this, but there’s a certain Southern charm this place has. Quaint, yet decadent.” Sipping her wine, she looked at Jones from over the rim of the glass, scanning him to see if he was hiding anything nefarious. Clear, she continued to sit with him, curious as to why he even wanted to chat with her specifically. 

“Yes, I forget that the other big cities really do pack on the muck and grime. Not to say this place doesn’t, of course, but that’s not for your eyes.” He flagged down some of the staff, a topless woman carrying trays of finger food. Taking some for himself, V was offered a bite, but declined, opting to sip her wine as a way to hide her face when she looked around. “You and your husband make any strides towards mending your relationship?” 

“Isn’t this a little too heavy of a conversation for a gathering like this? Figure we’d be makin’ small talk or discussin’ what might happen when the lights dim in this place.” V was not about to divulge anything more to this guy, and frankly turning the conversation in that direction might clue her in to where Lundee was stored away.

“Maybe you’re right. May I call you Victoria?” 

“V. I prefer V if I’m comfortable with the person, and can’t be more comfortable than with my therapist.” Lure him in, make her seem like prey. Quick, she looked over to where Johnny was, but he seemed preoccupied. Good. Didn’t need another Winston situation. 

“You know, you may not tell full lies, but you never tell the truth. I know this is a party, but dear, you might want to work on that. Gives people the wrong impression. But, I will call you V.” She really hated this guy, and not just for his affiliations. Whatever implants he had, she wanted to rip them from him immediately. “I’m sure your husband showed you what was on the shard, yes? Surely you know what is going to happen later on?” 

A hum, and she sipped her wine again, checking in on Johnny once more, who was looking at her now. “He and I discussed it, yes. Won’t lie, I am pretty excited to see what happens. Been a while since I’ve had fun like this.” 

“Now there’s the truth. I normally don’t do this, but I’d like to bypass some of the formalities when the time comes. Introduce you to someone I think could open both your eyes and those of your husband. Give me some time, and I’ll find you again.” Turning his head, V followed his gaze, seeing Johnny approach. “In the meantime, I suggest you two dance. Really. You’ll find it can bring people together in ways they never thought, and it opens one up for more interesting events.” Catching his hint, V agreed with him, bidding farewell for now as he got up, his seat replaced with Johnny, drinking the last bit of whiskey in a glass. 

“The fuck was that?” 

V smirked, sipping the last of her wine. “Thinkin’ we just found our way to Lundee, and we didn’t even have to look very far. Musta done somethin’ right with that little fight we had in the office. Watch, Jones is goin’ off into a secret room.” Quirking her eyebrow, Johnny subtly shifted to watch as Jones entered through a space in the wall, likely where their target was. 

“Gonna piss in your cereal – this is too easy. Somethin’ ain’t right.” 

V shrugged, just leaning back in the chair and looking out of the window at the darkened city. While bright, those same warm lights filled the skyline, the only neon coming from the ads that billowed out like smoke. The buildings were rounded, the glass on them like crystal reflecting in the light. She might miss this view, but she’d be glad to be back in Night City when it was over. When it meant that she finally zeroed the one man she hated with all her being. 

“So what? Doubt they really caught on. Prolly just think we’re hidin’ somethin’ back in New York and wanna film us fuckin’ around with a gangbanger and his joytoy. ‘Sides, we have our escape plan. Know how to get to the roof, and I’ve seen the helicopter circle ‘round a few times. Once we give the signal, we’re outta here. No trouble to be had.”

“There’s a lot of trouble to be had, but sure, you keep thinkin’ you’re invincible.” He was getting antsy again, fingers twitching, likely wanting a cigarette, but knowing he might not be able to smoke in this place. “So what now? We sit here, thumb up our asses?” 

Scooting away from the table, V stood up, offering him a hand. “Jones suggested we dance. Been practicin’ for a while, so why not?”

Hand in hers, he stood, snorting as he led her to the place where all the other couples were circling around each other. “You still fuckin’ suck at this, but fine. If Jones said so I guess we gotta oblige.” Their usual form taken, her hand on his shoulder, his on her waist, and the two remaining clutched together, they began to sway to the music, V confident enough now that she could look him in the eye as they danced. 

“You really worried ‘bout all this?” She didn’t know what else to talk about now that they weren’t being called away by others to mingle. They hadn’t fought in the past day since their little spat on his birthday, but they still weren’t the same. 

“Changin’ the subject – not gonna think on it. What kinda freak shit you think this guy is into? Rich people always have the weirdest fetishes.” A twirl, and V was brought back to his chest, just rolling her eyes at the question. 

“Changin’ the subject – I’d rather not speculate. Havin’ fun in your monkey suit? Gotta say, looks real weird to see you in somethin’ other than leather pants. Ya even mention your impressive cock to the guests yet?” That got him to laugh a little, slightly too loud to be covered up by the soft music and idle conversation of the people beside them, garnering some attention.

“Gotta act strained – we’re on the rocks, remember?” A dip, and his face was close to her own, his smirk so fitting on his face. 

“I’m not the one who laughed, asshole.” Pulling her back up, they remained near, still in their watered down ballroom dance, aware of the world around them for now, but V was finding it so hard to focus on much else but the man in front of her. Another twirl, pulling her back to his chest, the lights dimming slightly to signal some change in the party, a less dramatic dip, his face right there, and V could smell the smoke and whiskey on his breath, surely him smelling the wine she drank. 

Their ascent was interrupted by a man, taller than Johnny, cutting between them to take V as his dancing partner, a woman taking Johnny as her own, other couples doing the same. V looked behind her trying to see where the woman ushered Johnny off to, but she was met with Jones raising a glass to her, eyes momentarily widening in realization. Tony Lundee was in front of her now, taking her as his dance partner, and maybe Johnny was right. This was starting to look a little too easy. 

“I’ve been told your name is V. Pleasure to meet you, darlin’.” His hand was getting a little too close to her ass, but she wasn’t going to botch this now by seeming uninterested. 

“Pleasure’s mine. Seein’ as you know who I am, I can guess we’ve been placed together through a mutual acquaintance. So, what can I call you?” No matter where his hand went, this man did know his stuff, leading her into a more intricate dance than she was used to. Trying her hardest to find Johnny, she had to give up her search to focus on not stepping on Lundee’s toes, hoping to hell he wasn’t carted off. 

“If I can call you V, then you can call me Tony. And you’re right – I was told about you from a friend of ours. Won’t discuss all we talked about, but he did tell me one thing that I can see is painfully true. You are utterly gorgeous.” His lips kissed her cheek, whispering the last bit of his statement into her ear. The crackle of Johnny’s com came in, a woman’s voice loud and clear. 

_“Don’t worry, handsome! Tony’s gentle. Maynard was right – you are the jealous type. I like that.” ___

__V cleared her throat, trying to warn Johnny to tone it down, but the woman kept reassuring him, apparent her warning went unheeded. Well, if he was going to act like a shit, she could at least play her role well enough. “I’m flattered. Of all the women here, you pick me? I’m glad that I lived up to Dr. Jones’ hype. Not that I’m an innocent flower, but,” she smoothed down some of Lundee’s suit, seduction used to check for weapons once more, “my husband kept me in the dark about all the specifics of what goes on. You’ll be gentle, right?”_ _

__His dark chuckle was enough to show her that this worked, him getting close to her ear again. “As gentle as you’d like. We still have some time – I have appearances to keep. There’s a table in the back, a woman in the back keeping watch. Tell her you’re the ‘midnight lover’ and she’ll let you sit there. Wait for me, and we’ll go from there.” Stepping away, grabbing the next partner in line, the familiar feeling of a metal hand grabbing her own, pulling her flawlessly back into a dance._ _

__“Get the same message from Lundee’s girl?” Johnny just grunted, holding her hand a little too tight. “Alright, so then we need to make our way to that table – sit there and wait. I’m startin’ to think you’re right...somethin’ stinks. Go ahead and tell the ‘copter to get in close. Still goin’ in, but I’m on high alert.”_ _

__“Fuckin’ better be. That bitch was real into gettin’ me to go to that table.” Making their way to the back, Johnny’s arm didn’t leave her waist, pulling her close to him while he scanned the area. “Gave the pilot the heads up. We get into that private room, you cut off his dick if you need to, but you better ask ‘bout Shaw first thing. No fuckin’ around like we did with Winston. Then we’re out.”_ _

__V nodded, giving the password to the woman at the table, being allowed to sit in the booth back there, Johnny next to her. “After we get our info – fuck, even if we don’t – we need to go back to the motel, grab our shit, and run. Either we run to where Shaw is ‘fore he gets a heads up, or we change location. Feels like it did before Yorinobu offed his dad. For once, can’t call you paranoid for tellin’ me to watch my back.”_ _

__“Shoulda never called me paranoid before. Think when we get into that room we’ll be jumped?” He scooted in closer, thigh against her own. Taking off the shawl, she placed it beside her in the booth, realizing it wasn’t useful if they had to run._ _

__“Unlikely. Most people don’t keep their goons where they fuck. And, bein’ the leader, guy’s probably cocky. Shit, he was cocky enough to be forward with his intentions to get us both alone. Purpose of this might just be to suss us out – see if he can get us to break form ‘fore we head back. And if not then we just got reeeeeal lucky.”_ _

__“Ha!” Throwing his head back, he started tapping his foot under the table, V moving her own to press on top of it to stop his nervous habit. “Us? Lucky? Outta your damn mind. Whacked as fuck. We aren’t lucky. This is a trap.” Seeing the man approach, she put a hand on his thigh as a warning._ _

__“Lundee incomin’.” V wasn’t sure if he reached over to hold her hand out of the desire to still keep up appearances or out of genuine nervousness, but she was thankful he did. God did she need it as Lundee, his partner, and Jones approached the booth. Seated, the woman on Lundee’s arm was next to Johnny, while Jones and Lundee sat beside V, farther away from her than the woman was to Johnny. Jones was given the honors of popping a bottle of champagne, pouring five glasses._ _

__“Cheers to us all,” Lundee raised his glass, the five members of the table all toasting, taking the first sip of the liquid, V and Johnny never to touch theirs again. “We took care of introductions before, and I’m sure you two spoke about myself and my lovely lady before I arrived. Being business people yourselves, you’ll know wasting time is just something that shouldn’t be done.”_ _

__Johnny leaned back, arm across the back of the booth, V knowing he was forcing that relaxed pose he wore. “Nothin’ pains me more than watching the clock tick by and nothin’ get done. Any reason our friend Dr. Jones is here?”_ _

__The woman just giggled, scooting closer to Johnny, where his arm was almost around her shoulders. “He should’ve told you before – he’s the guide. Especially since you two are first timers here, you’ll need it.” Her finger ran down Johnny’s chest, and his grip on V’s hand tightened, her thumb rubbing circles in the back of it to calm him down. Either way, Jones keeping watch on them likely meant this was some kind of interrogation to sniff out more of the truth from them._ _

__“Don’t worry, I don’t judge. Sex is just that – sex. No more intimate than hashing out old problems and opening almost closed wounds.” Lundee nodded sagely at Jones’ words, just smirking and looking V up and down, then gazing at Johnny with that same wicked face._ _

__“Only thing. I like to see the chemistry of my partners. Know what I’m workin’ with. Been informed things aren’t the greatest right now, but the desire should still be there. I myself am no counselor, but I’ve been told this kind of stuff can be healing.” V highly doubted all of what was said there, but it wasn’t her place to call the lie just yet. They had to get into that room with this fucker, potentially take out Jones along the way, get their info, and run._ _

__“Alright, sure. We gonna do that right here? In the booth?” Mind racing, V licked her lips before pulling the bottom on between her teeth, hoping that this was something they would take to the room, and she didn’t have to prove anything right here out in the open._ _

__“Where else? Just try and seduce V. More for me than her, handsome,” the woman’s hand kept going lower, and that was enough for Johnny to turn away from her, facing V._ _

__All eyes on them, Johnny boxed V in with his arms, making so that it looked like he was kissing beside her ear, but no contact was made. Instead, he used it to whisper to her, V just closing her eyes to avoid raising suspicion. “Don’t gotta do this. We can delta – try again somewhere else. We’ll get the fucker, promised you that, but --”_ _

__V moved her hand to grip Johnny’s head, pulling him back, moving her head to the same position he was in to whisper in his ear. “Yeah, not gonna lie, this is gonna be real fuckin’ weird. But weighin’ options, this might be our best bet. We’re good actors, right? Don’t really gotta kiss ‘n shit.” Maneuvering back, Johnny just sighed against her shoulder, hearing his voice mostly through their coms now._ _

__“You’re not a good actor, but I am. Fine, just...we don’t speak of this again.” Their pretend seduction seemed to be working, Johnny never really touching V completely, but the act was enough to make the other three occupants of the booth watch with baited breath. Staring intently, watching Johnny work, and V’s half lidded eyes looked back at them, analyzing their faces. Approval, whispers about their performance given, and Jones just put on that same wicked face he had in the office, instructing Lundee on something V didn’t quite catch._ _

__“Wonderful work so far. Let me see how you kiss her,” his sentence was punctuated by a sip of champagne, and V used that lapse in view to grip Johnny’s face, pulling it close enough to hers so that it looked like they were gazing into the other’s eyes, more in line with their act._ _

__“V, we don’t have to.”_ _

__“I know...It’s...it’s your call. Been kissed by a lotta chooms, it’s not a big thing to me. But if it’s weird to you, we go. No questions asked.”_ _

__“Pfft, whatever. You sure? Not gonna be weird about it, I promise, but...”_ _

__“You okay with it?”_ _

__He nodded, closing the distance slowly. “You sure?”_ _

__Her answer came by pulling him into her, trying so hard not to focus on the fact that this was happening. Something she dreamed up late at night when her mind wandered a little too far over the line. Or when she looked at his lips a little too long, wondering how he would taste. The desire for all of that, to be held by him, kissed by him, hit her full force two days before she ran, sitting there on the couch with him and all she wanted to do was pull her into him. Called her “dreamer” once, and god if imagining him loving her wasn’t the biggest one she had._ _

__But tonight, she learned he tasted of smoke, whiskey, and something a little sweet. Expected, but it was the finest taste she had ever known. That his lips weren’t chapped like she thought they would be, and even this small kiss was enough to make her forget this was all pretend, a soft noise leaving her with her mouth slightly open. And maybe he forgot too, tongue licking her bottom lip, her mind stopping all its functions as she opened her mouth wider, letting him dip inside her. She wondered if he could taste the wine she drank, cared that she was smearing lipstick on his lips, or even if he was thinking of it at all. If this was nothing more than a simple performance. But, as he pulled her into his lap, and she ran her fingers through his hair, eyes closed, hearing nothing but a small groan from him as she pressed down more, she didn’t think it was. How would she ever ask if it was just as real to him as it was her? Time never on her side, she lived in this moment, tugging his hair slightly, him pulling her hips just an inch closer._ _

__“Marvelous. Simply marvelous,” cruel fate suffered, V pulled back at hearing Lundee’s voice. Lips that were once on his mouthed out “I’m sorry,” and he just shook his head, hand coming to cup her cheek, his own going “It’s nothin’.”_ _

__Off his lap, V started picking at her nails, so completely unsure how to even look at Johnny after that little slip up. Lost in the moment, taking it way too far. She really was sorry. Nothing could have prepared him for that, and she should have known better than to let that happen. Regardless, his hand reached over to grab hers, lacing their fingers together, whispering to her “forget it. Focus. Almost there.” Forever an open book to him, forever someone he could read without a second thought._ _

__Lundee whispered to his partner, then to Jones. “I very much liked what I saw there, and if that’s half the passion that’s normally there I’m rather excited to see it all in action. Might be tactless to exit the party early, especially before dinner is served, but I’d love to be able to partake in something else. Would you two agree?”_ _

__“That’s somethin’ I can get behind. Never really been a patient man,” Johnny took the other woman’s hand in the one that wasn’t held by V, bringing it to his lips and kissing it for show, “and I’ve had my mind somewhere else since our dance.”_ _

__Classical music still coming from the in house orchestra, V tried so hard to focus on it, not the shaking in her limbs as they all rose from the table, a waitress directing them towards the secret room she saw Jones enter earlier in the night. Arm around her waist again, Johnny kept her close, his eyes scanning the area before V. Finger tapping her side, V got to work deactivating the cameras that guarded the room, the door swishing open to reveal more that she made quick work of. Kiroshi’s doing one more sweep, everything seemed to be accounted for, the entire room dark to anyone on the other side. Deep breath, the final one before the door slid closed behind them, and she nodded, flexing her fingers in preparation._ _

__Locked inside that room, V made the first move. Pins ripped from her hair, she stabbed Jones first, something satisfying about watching him bleed from the puncture in his neck. Swift kick to the face, and Jones was writhing on the ground, no more a threat to her than a helpless bird. The woman beside her, clearly not as weak as V anticipated, tried to get her in a choke hold to incapacitate her, but that wasn’t a smart move. Flipped over her back, V stomped her face, the woman out cold in an instant._ _

__A moment to breathe, and V scanned the room again, checking to see if there was anything else that needed attending to before she got to Lundee. Two steps ahead of her as always, Johnny had the guy restrained against the bed, looming over him like the locusts that announce a plague. Coast clear, V walked over to where the two men were, cracking her knuckles to relieve the tension in her hands._ _

__“Fucking knew something was up when Jones said you two were suspicious! Guessing the scroll he got from Winston wasn’t some weird shit! Fuck!” Cornered animal now, Lundee was losing his cool, growling at her while Johnny just smirked. So they had been found out, and this guy still let curiosity kill the cat? Man was he dumb. Though, she was rather concerned that a BD now existed of her and Johnny shooting and killing someone here in Atlanta. They’d need that gone._ _

__“And you still invited us in? Had somethin’ planned for us Tony, or was your pops too gonk to teach you to properly vet your fucktoys? All corpos are the same – too dumb to see where shit can go wrong, always lookin’ at the eddies over everythin’ else. Least you had the sense to get your fuckin’ hands dirty ‘stead of leavin’ this shit to the regular --”_ _

__“Hey! Don’t have time for a rant. Wanna talk about corpos, we can do it once we leave. Right now we need information. Figurin’ we got only a few ‘fore the muscle shows up. If we’ve been sniffed out that means they’re waitin’. Johnny, helicopter in place?” A thumbs up, and he backed off of Lundee, letting V loom over him now, hairpin to his throat. “Now, I’m gonna get some answers, and if I don’t I’m jammin’ this thing so far in you’ll be clingin’ to life like your buddy back there. Seein’ the blood, I’m givin’ him a few more minutes of life. No amount of muscle’s revivin’ you two.” Pin pushed into the skin a little more, her other hand gripping Lundee’s face to keep him trained on her, V cut to the chase._ _

__“Shaw Valentine. Need to know how to get to him. Heard from our mutual friend Winston he’s on a short leash. Contact info, now.” Pressed a little more, breaking the thin skin of his neck, and Lundee gulped, looking around the room before transferring the information to V. The lights of his implants still going, she cursed, stabbing into his neck twice, making sure he was as good as gone before looking at Johnny._ _

__“Thinkin’ he called someone! We gotta delta, now!” Jumping from where Lundee was restrained, she opened the door, Johnny running in front of her, pulling her by the hand to their escape route to the roof. Dancers and waitstaff were pushed aside, the peak of the music like a movie score to accompany their escape. Emergency exit opened, they started climbing the short flight of stairs._ _

__“And what if he was still transferrin’ info and you just zeroed him for no reason!?”_ _

__“Nah, he just flicked me a contact for Shaw and then he kept goin’! Likely has the same implants as us all, and I know he was alertin’ whatever muscle he’s got here that we’re on the move!” A grim prediction, the top of the stairs was guarded by men, the bottom of the stairwell in the same fashion. Unlikely that she’d be able to take them down on her own with the dinky hairpin she had, her best bet was to wrestle a gun from one. “Johnny! Grab --”_ _

__“On it!”_ _

__She went down and he went up, targeting the closest person to them. Weapons retrieved, they made quick work of the first wave, bullets to brain for each. Having a rougher time than her, likely with more people, V turned to the top of the stairs, shooting the people that Johnny couldn’t. Bloody bodies kicked aside, she pulled Johnny through the doorway, the helicopter descending once they were spotted._ _

__“Hurry! We got more comin’ up the stairs, V!” Not fully landing, the helicopter was too high up for V to jump into, hands on her waist almost throwing her into the aircraft. Scrambling, she was on her knees on the floor of it, arm extended down for Johnny to grab. History doomed to repeat if not learned from, his hand gripped her forearm as the helicopter took off, and there was no way for V to pull him up in time. Slipping from her, calling her name as he fell, V screamed his back, a scene played out on stage before._ _

__“Go! Get that fucker!”_ _

__She didn’t want those to be the final words she heard from him. Never. Those couldn’t be. Sure, there was no Smasher in this place, but she was not going to leave him behind. Eyes closed, V jumped, unsure about the height in which a person could fall before they were done for, she just hoped the rolls she did and her reinforced skeleton were enough to keep her alive. Shoulder taking the brunt of the impact, she was sure the skin there was damaged, if not her entire shoulder fucked to shit. But, she could worry about that later. She had to get to Johnny. Scanning, she found him lying on his back, teeth grit together, likely in worse shape than she was._ _

__Legs still operational, she ran over to him, hands cupping the back of his head, calling his name out to him, hoping to get his attention. Vision focusing on her, he just swallowed hard, arm coming up to cradle the back of her head. “Told you to fuckin’ go, gonk. Gettin’ Shaw’s the goal...it’s important.”_ _

__“I know...” Behind them the rest of the people Lundee called in poured out onto the roof, and V wasn’t sure they could take them in the shape they were in. At least if she took a bullet to the head, a fate befitting of a merc, she didn’t leave Johnny behind. “But you’re more important. Ran from you once...not leavin’ you behind again. Nothin’s worth havin’ you gone.” He closed his eyes, pained look on his face, pulling her to his chest, the butt of a gun on the back of her head, force enough to leave her limp._ _

__Last use of her strength, she tried to grip Johnny’s suit, keep them together, but she was pulled from him easily, his own arms no match for whoever was pulling her back. Hands twitching and reaching for him as she was dragged away, she felt his metal grab hers one last time before he too was gone._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in the fake dating AU each party thinks it's one sided? But, ya know. It's a fake dating AU in a fanfic?


	10. Running Up That Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?  
>  You want to hear about the deal that I'm making?  
> You, you and me  
> And if I only could  
> Make a deal with God  
> And get him to swap our places ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: there is some very light torture. Like definitely light, but still there. And there's mentions of gore and blood. Just letting ya know!

Slumber, uneasy and fitful, ended the same as of late. Scene playing out the same way as it always did as soon as her mind slipped into sleep. It started right in the middle – dark night, the yellow sand of the Badlands giving it an eerie glow, green and ailing, nothing around them for miles but decaying windmills and rocks. Eight years old, in the backseat of the car, holding her stuffed dog to her chest. It always starts with the thought that she’d love to see a domestic dog one day. To have a home with a yard for the dog to play in. No longer would she be constantly on the move, living in the back seat of a car or in a tent. 

From the window of the car she can see her parents fighting as they always did. It didn’t frighten her much anymore, but something about tonight seemed off. Her father was laughing. Her mom was screaming. Grabbed by her hair, her mom was thrown to the ground, liquid from a canister dumped over her body. She ran, as fast as she could, screaming louder and louder, even as she grew farther and farther away. V just held onto her dog, waiting for it to end so they can get back to the Bakkers. So that she could go and sneak into her friend’s cot and hide. 

Breathing picking up, V started to shake. Something wasn’t right. Normally, when her mom ran, her father chased her, dragged her back to the car, and threw her in. This time, he stood still, fishing something out of his pocket. Lighting it, he tossed it towards her mom, everything going up in flames. Blood curdling screams, amplified, even has V covered her ears. Eyes never moving from the sight, she saw as her mom flail around, body jerking in ways V had never seen. And her father laughed. Then he turned. Walking closer to the car, V tried to run. Door opened, dog left behind as a sacrifice, she tried to get away, but she couldn’t run far enough.

Picked up from behind, she screamed and thrashed, trying so hard to get away. She bit his arm, he didn’t stop. Blood in her mouth, she screamed again, kicking her feet, but it never seemed to touch him. Thrown to the ground, she was frozen. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t run. Distant sounds of cars rolling up made her father panic. Gun pulled out, he put it to her chest, pulling the trigger, fleeing before he could be found.

It always ended the same, and V could never save herself. Could never save her mom. She couldn’t run fast enough. The bullet always lodged in her chest, inches from killing her. The only mistake this man ever seemed to have made. 

And each waking was worse than the last. This one, though, was likely the worst. Gasping for air, she looked around in panic, strapped to a steel chair bolted to the floor. The room was a similar steel color, square and bare, the only other thing in the room was –

“Johnny...” her voice was so desperate. He looked horrible. Beaten, strapped to a similar chair, she tried to free herself, get to him. Bastard that he was, he likely didn’t give up any details about their heist, and she could kill him herself for that. He shouldn’t be in that chair, looking like that. Shaking, she couldn’t get free. His head rolled up, looking at her, and he smiled. It broke her heart. 

“’Bout fuckin’ time.” So badly she wanted to rise from her chair, go over and brush the hair from his face, wipe away the blood pouring from his nose, bandage the cuts that marred him. And somehow she was spared? She felt like she was being ripped in two. 

“Wh...what happened? Where...where are we?” Moving, her shoulder burned, and looking at she saw the skin was still torn, the joint a little too stiff and loose at the same time. It was seriously fucked.

“On the roof we got nabbed – pretty fuckin’ obvious there,” spitting, she closed her eyes, ignoring the blood in it. “You were out cold – me not so much. Some fuckin’ goons tried to pry info outta me. Couldn’t get you to wake up. Thought bringin’ me in here would...”

“Doesn’t feel like they tried to...” She didn’t feel any pain other than her shoulder. So what was the point of bringing him in if they didn’t even touch her yet? That had her worried. “You didn’t let anythin’ at all slip?”

“Nah. On the contrary, they let slip they know we’re after --”

“Is he coming?” She didn’t want him to say his name. Not right now.

“Yeah...” 

Grateful she got a warning, she tried to breathe deeply, calm her nerves, find a way out of here. Find a way to Johnny. “We just strapped down the synthleather?” He nodded, shifting his body around.

“Been pullin’ at mine for a while. Way they got me I think if I hook my prosthetic right I can break free. Might damage the arm some, but I’ll manage.” His arm might manage, but he looked rough. She was sure no gang could ever do what Arasaka did to him, but she didn’t want him harmed at all. This was her fight not his.

“I’m --”

“If you’re tryin’ to apologize then shut the fuck up.” For once, she honored that, just giving him the sorriest look she could, hoping he would read her face instead of hearing her words. “Quit givin’ me that look. Had worse, done worse. Just...when that fucker comes in keep his attention away from me.” 

“I dunno --”

“V, you can do it. Kept me together through Smasher – I’m gonna do the same for you. Just gotta let me get free.” 

She nodded, closing her eyes and waiting for him to arrive. To see him over two decades later, and she was still no more capable than she was sitting in the back of that car. If he wanted, he could put another bullet in her chest, and she would be no more able to escape. She just hoped he left Johnny alone. If he took one more person she loved from he she might beg for that bullet. 

Door to the room open, and V’s eyes went wide, looking at Johnny instead of at the new occupant. He gave her that determined look he always wore when she had something big to do, the same one he gave before they stormed Arasaka Tower together. Holding onto that, she still kept her eyes on him, the slow clap of hands to her side not even breaking her concentration. 

“Two dumb fuckin’ mercs from Night City manage to find their way to Atlanta, kill off two gangbangers and one gang leader, and find the man they were lookin’ for the whole time? Damn, aren’t you two some lucky sons of bitches. I mean, bravo! Even I’d be hard pressed to do that.” Shoes clicked on the metal floor, and he circled back behind V, her eyes still on Johnny. “Let me rise to the top too, so I guess a thanks is in order. Planned on offin’ Lundee myself, but hey! Free labor is the backbone of industry! Least, that’s what Silverhand thinks. And you, missy, were out while we spoke to your friend here. He’s pretty tight lipped – though I guess if that scroll from Winston is to be believed then I’m not surprised. Even Arasaka couldn’t take down the ol’ Silverhand, huh?” He patted her good shoulder, and she wanted so badly to run. But she knew he wasn’t done. Always loved to talk. “You, though – I don’t buy that you’re some cold blooded killer. Nah. See, out of every pair there’s always a weak link. Ain’t Johnny Silverhand, but you, Ms. V, might be it. Even better, from the little performance at those weird ass parties Lundee throws, you might be his weak link if nothin’ else.” Stopping in front of her, bending so their faces were close together, and all she saw was him that night when he grabbed her from the car. 

Saw him in the same for as she did in every other memory. Wrinkles around his eyes were deeper, his hair was beginning to gray in more places, and he sported a beard now. But he was still the same man with the long face, short hair, and cold eyes. And she hated that she forgot her own mother’s face – the woman who loved her so much – but could always remember his like she had seen him the day before. Teeth clenched together, her jaw burned from trying to keep it together and not break, feeling eight years old all over again, clutching the dog in the backseat of the car.

“What’s got me curious is why you wanna get to me. Rival gang put you up to this?” V still clenched her teeth, so hard she was sure they’d break. She couldn’t speak. She could never speak to him. Never wanted to say anything, nor did she have anything to tell him. “Tellin’ you, Silverhand isn’t the weak link. So, I asked nicely this time. You gonna answer?” Breathing picking back up, she still didn’t answer, only opening her mouth to scream when he pushed into her torn shoulder, pain ripping through her. 

“Awwww, that hurt? You gonna fuckin’ cry!?” Yanking on her arm, he pulled it more, and everything in that limb felt like it was coming apart. But she didn’t cry – only pained screams. Delirious from the fall, the smack to her head, the pain, she just swallowed, voice unstable but still audible, clear enough to insult him. Knowing Johnny needed her to remain collected kept her from sinking in on herself and retreating into her mind.

“Fuck you...Fuck you...Not gonna tell you shit!” Spitting in his face, it earned her a slap to the face, a knee-jerk reaction for sure. Composing himself, he backed away from her, hand rubbing down his face to remove the saliva from it. 

“Fine.” A snap of his fingers, and the door opened, two gangers bringing in a bucket of some kind of liquid, a cigarette case, and a lighter. Smelling the liquid the closer it got, V began to shake, limbs struggling to move against the restraints, trying so hard to leave. “Which one of you two smokes? Figure I’ll be nice and give you a little treat. I can be a rather reasonable guy.” 

Keep the attention on her. Johnny was still working. Said she could do this. She could do this. “I-I do...I smoke...” 

His laugh was the same one from that night, manacle and devoid of joy. “Doubt it! But fine – need a smoke? I’ll give you one.” The man with the bucket dumped the CHOOH2 on her over her shoulders, missing her head, but burning the torn skin. Shoving the cigarette between her lips, she bit down on the filter clean through it. The stick fell, and another replaced it, this time in the side of her cheek where it couldn’t fall. “That should be good boys. Leave me with my guests.” Alone again, the man ran his thumb over the button of the lighter, never getting it to ignite, but showing his intent to. 

“Like I said, either you break or your death breaks him. Askin’ again. Who sent you?” 

Cigarette adjusted in her mouth, she tried to speak, “N-no one...I...Doin’ this...for personal reasons.” 

That made his brows twitch, still running his thumb over that lighter button. “That so? Little too young to be an old enemy of mine. So I’m still gonna ask. Who. Sent. You?” Bringing the lighter closer to the tip of the cigarette, V let out a whine, childlike and fearful. Another laugh from him and he pulled the lighter away. “Seein’ you know your fate if you don’t answer.” 

Fumes from the CHOOH2 making her woozy, V tried to keep it together. Stealing a glance, Johnny was still working hard, eyes never leaving the figure that loomed over V, muscles moving in unnatural ways to try and break free. “Tellin’ you...Personal shit.” 

“For who? ‘Cause I’m tellin’ you – too young to know me personally, sweetheart.” 

“You’re wrong. You’re dead fuckin’ wrong. Know you well.” Play her cards – she had them in her hand now, the dealer having dished them out so many years ago. Held them up her sleeve, but could never play them in a game with the right players. Sitting at the table now, she spread them out like she won the game, even if she had a false sense of confidence. “Know you so fuckin’ well, Max.” 

His eyes went wide for a moment. But only a moment. “Sorry, sweetie. Didn’t catch that. What did you call me?” 

“Max. Your name. Your real name is Maxwell Brenshaw, asshole.” 

Mood in the room shifting, V somehow felt that first the first time she held some kind of power over him – like for once she had the upper hand for at least one second. Reaching behind him, he disconnected something from a port in the back of his head, tossing it to the side of the room. Eyes flashing a moment before they dulled again, and he just narrowed them in her direction, looking her up and down. Even through that Silverhand snarl she picked up, wore on her face like she owned it when she needed to appear tough, she knew not much of her face had really changed. Knew that he’d recognize those features. 

“Personal biz, like I said. Here on behalf of Cleo Valentine, you motherfucker. On behalf of myself. ‘Cause you’re the fuckin’ Boogieman far as I’m concerned, and I swear to you I’ll find a way to kill you!” 

Standing there, he just looked at her, paying no attention to her words. “You’re dead. I killed you after I killed that whore of a woman I had to shag up with and play house.” 

“Nah – bullet missed. Kinda a runnin’ theme in my life, actually. Thanks for that.” She was fading fast, and she needed Johnny to work quicker. Trying so hard to get into a headspace where she seemed so much stronger than she actually felt. 

“Well, like in all things, you’ve failed again, Val. Still standin’, you’re in here with a terrorist, and that whore is still dead. Been a better kid and you coulda come with – but no. Always been a whiny little shit.” Thumb back to playing with the lighter, he chuckled, just shaking his head. “Wanna know my favorite memory of you, kiddo? It was right after I sold out the trade routes of the Bakkers, and you and I were sittin’ together on the cot of our little tent. Asked you that day if you’d ever kill someone – if you had it in you to pull the trigger or stick a knife in someone’s back. ‘Member what you told me?” 

V shook her head, but she remembered the answer. It was an answer she would later regret the moment her whole life went up in flames, if only because it was her first openly hypocritical act. She just needed him to talk. Buy time. Let Johnny break free. 

“Told me that killin’ is wrong. People who kill people are evil. That’s the day I decided you were dead weight. Did some diggin’ on your background back when you first pinged my radar. Too bad I didn’t see your real name when I did light work, ‘cause you woulda never made it past the Badlands. But now? Now I’m laughin’ my ass off on the inside, ‘cause all you do is the one thing you said you wouldn’t. My damn daughter indeed.” Turning around, Johnny’s muscles froze, looking at him in almost the same snarl V wore, his just more intense. 

“And damn, Val. Not sure how you pulled it off, but you managed to bring this scop with you? Got him on a leash so damn tight. Fuckin’ begged my men to bring him in here to see you. Kept screamin’ ‘where’s V!? Where’d you take her!?’ And damn, I thought I could bring him in here, kill you off, and get some answers, but now?” Thumb over the button again, he pressed down harder, V jumping at the sound. “Now your death is just a formality like your mother’s was. Funny. My methods haven’t changed much, but dyin’ in the same way she did? Oh, that’s too good.” 

Facing her again, he brought the lighter to the cigarette, and V just hoped no matter what Johnny could break free before everything went to shit. Unable to stop the grimace, facial muscles pulling into the face she made when she sobbed, no sounds or tears left her, but she was done for. “Any last words, Val?”

“Johnny...I --” Brenshaw laughed, still focused on V, and she was thankful he was. She just kept buying him time. 

“You really gonna apologize to him? Fuck, always had to question if you were my blood or not, but this takes the cake. Whacked as shit. Go on then! Use your final breath to say some half assed apology! Apology for a silent man, watchin’ as I kill you! Too fuckin’ good! I wanna hear this shi --” 

The snap of leather, scraping of the metal arm Johnny sported against the steel of the chair, freeing himself entirely of the things that bound him, and one single bullet to the back of Brenshaw’s head. Brains and fragments of skull splattered on her face as her father’s body slumped down on her, the bullet going clean through him and into the wall behind her. Only sound in the room was heavy breathing, V unable to look at anything but the corpse sliding down her body as the muscles could no longer support him. Cutting into her field of vision was a metal arm, plating bent and warped from pulling at the straps, but it still functioned. Pushing the body off of her, Johnny kicked it away, kneeling down to cup her cheek in his hand, the flesh feeling so soft against her. 

“V...” Leaning into his hand, she closed her eyes, still only seeing the dead body beside her, but knowing she was safe. His first act was to wipe off her face, the gore removed from her skin. Next came the restraints, digging a knife off of the body to cut her free. Unable to stand, the toxic CHOOH2 coursing through her, she just sat there.

“Need help?” She nodded, and Johnny carefully picked up her body to let her stand on her own wobbly feet. Like a new born calf, she shook there, opening her eyes once more to see the dead body of her father. Didn’t even get the satisfaction of killing him herself. Didn’t get to tell him how much she hated him, or how he ruined her own life. How when she dreamed at night, he often appeared, and she could never shake that. She doubted that would ever go away, even now that she looked at his body. 

“It’s over, V. We gotta move.”

Even as he tried to tug her along, she just stood, looking. Waiting for when he sprung back to life, jumped at her with the lighter, igniting the fuel that was on her body. Was it even worth it? From this point on she and Johnny would be wanted in Atlanta for this. Would they chase them to Night City? Would they come for them both, or just her? Just him? Was her father even dead? Faked his death so many times before, and changed names – 

The gun taken from Brenshaw was placed in her hand, Johnny curling her fingers around him. “One bullet to the heart. Put it there, pull the trigger, and we leave.” 

“Why should I do that?” 

“’Cause. Then you know it’s done.”

Maybe he was right. To give him something he gave her, even in death. Falling to her knees easily, she crawled to the body, trembling hand placing the barrel of the gun to his chest. It wasn’t moving. His eyes remained open, but there was no life in them. It wasn’t a clean shot, but the bullet shot through his chest nonetheless. 

“Johnny...Thank you...”

He just hummed, taking the gun from her. “Why ya thankin’ me? Killed the fucker, but that was your job. Feel like I took that from you.”

“Killed Smasher for you, didn’t I? I didn’t take that from you – I just helped.”

“I couldn’t zero that bastard. You’re right here in the flesh.”

“I don’t think I could have zeroed...him. I’m not strong enough.” 

Sitting next to her now, Johnny rubbed her back with his metal hand, likely not wanting to get the CHOOH2 on him. “Deal with this later. We gotta get out. People are gonna come lookin’. Think you can walk outta here?” 

V shook her head, and Johnny didn’t argue with her. No words exchanged, he picked her up bridal style, V sling her good arm over his shoulder, head resting on him. Going in and out of consciousness, she heard yelling, gunfire, but she and Johnny made it out. Coming to every now and then, they went from a warehouse, to a cab, back to the motel. Still in his arms, he walked through the door.

“We’re home.” His words made her let out a small laugh, sure he completely missed the fact she had been home the moment he gripped her arm back in her old apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when I was writing this, I knew the catalyst was going to be V finding and killing her dad. This scene went so many different ways, but I settled on this almost anticlimactic meet up where V doesn't find immediate closure. Mostly because the next chapter deals with those feelings in a way I think does it more justice. And then we get more action because this ride AIN'T OVER YET! And it gives more time for Johnny as well, where this one was mostly centered on V and her own fear, and just the unsatisfying conclusion. But there's certainly a reason for it, so hold tight :3


	11. Make This Go On Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The last girl in the last reason  
>  To make this last for as long as I could  
> First kiss and the first time  
> That I felt connected to anything  
> The weight of water, the way you told me  
> To look past everything I had ever learned  
> The final word in the final sentence  
> You ever uttered to me was love ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny and V just look at each other like that Same Hat meme and go "Same Trauma!"

First matter of business was getting V squared away. Limp body set sitting on the bathroom counter, she watched through blurry vision as Johnny hunted down the medkit. She wasn’t sure what he was looking for within, but he certainly was looking pretty frantically. 

“Did Vik pack this damn thing?” 

V just nodded, and Johnny kept searching. Most of the contents of the bag dumped out, he spread out the supplies on the counter, V leaning back against the mirror. Shaking a bottle of something, a pill was placed in her mouth, told to swallow it dry if she could. Managing that, she just kept herself against the mirror, eyes half lidded as she still watched Johnny work. 

“Gave you Synthcomp 15. Should help with the CHOOH2 that got into your shoulder. Gonna need to wash it off the rest of you.” Not even asking if she could do it herself, Johnny started the water, waiting for it to heat up before helping her off the counter, stripping her of the dress she wore and everything else, allowing her to sit on the shower floor, letting the water run over her. Everything amplified in her shoulder, she hissed when the soap hit it, Johnny being a lot more gentle than he normally was when he helped her. Warnings given before he washed off the rest of her body, V didn’t much care, just happy he there, helping her. Not allowing her to be by herself.

Whether from the events in the room or the physical pain of all that happened, V was feeling rather numb. Like what happened to them just an hour or so prior was a sick dream, conjured up in her mind, the reality of it all not fully sinking in. Dead body of the monster that plagued her for so long still there when she closed her eyes, the sound of the bullet going through his skull, the smell and feel of the contents of his head on her face, the fuel on her body slick and wet, like she never left the room. Click of the lighter ringing in her ears, the hot water turning to fire. 

“V, hold it together. Almost done.” 

Snapping out of it, she startled, not even realizing she was having some kind of physical reaction to thinking back on it. Shampoo in her hair, his hands massaged her scalp, and if she wasn’t afraid of seeing the events play out one more time, she would have closed her eyes and relaxed into the feeling. But, she focused on Johnny, wet from not taking his clothes off, the only place still dry being from the shoulders up. Only thinking of herself in the moment, she forgot about his damaged prosthetic, the blood all over his face, close enough now to see all the damage done. Having to close her eyes as the shampoo was rinsed from her head, she reached forward, Johnny taking her hand in his as V let the suds wash away. 

Water off, he helped her up, drying her off, wrapping her in the towel as he set her back on the counter. Going back into the room, V was left alone for only a moment, eyes on the door at all times, expecting at any moment for the dead to rise again, walk through there and ignite her into flames. For her to be the screaming corpse from her memories instead, Johnny to watch as she clung to life, only to be snuffed out moments later. V must have jumped when Johnny came back in, his hands up in surrender, her body relaxing as he came closer. 

“Jus’ me.” Dry clothes on, he stood in front of her again, hand on her shoulder. “Fuck, V. Think you dislocated it?” 

“Y-yeah...If I didn’t from the fall it was --”

“Pulled. I know. Might need to pop it back into place. Gonna hurt like a bitch. Got somethin’ to bite on?” Trying to think, appreciative of the fact he was including her in the plan to take her mind off things, she looked around, seeing if there was anything safe to place in her mouth. 

“Basket of washcloths. Gimme one and I’ll put it in my mouth,” one placed in her hand, the rest by her side, she folded it so that it fit in her mouth, placing it between her lips and testing it, making sure if she clamps down she won’t gnash her teeth. Giving him a nod, he touched around her shoulder, torn skin of it making it difficult to grip properly, but he managed. Manipulating the arm, V braced herself, holding her breath, waiting for the joint to fall back into place. Swift movement, the clenching of her stomach, the biting of the rag, and it was back in place, Johnny rubbing her bicep as the pain started to disappear. Spitting out the rag, she threw it into the sink.

“Did good. Gotta get the shoulder cleaned up more and bandaged. Need somethin’ for the pain?” 

“Nah, I can manage.” Disinfectant on a pad, she hissed at the sting of it connecting with the wound, but it was pulling her mind there and not back to that room. “Bein’ real nice to me. Scare ya that bad?” 

“Joke all you fuckin’ want, but I’m not laughin’. If I hadn’t broken free he woulda flatlined you. So yeah, I was fuckin’ scared. Swear to fuckin’ god I heard each time that asshole rubbed the lighter...Thought...Thought the last thing I’d ever heard you fuckin’ say was...” This time he was shaking, slight tremble in his hands as he made sure each section was disinfected.

“Hey...” she placed her free hand on his cheek, beard tickling her palm. “Those weren’t my last words. Saved my ass once again. Really shoulda written ‘Man who saved my life’ on that sheet metal.” When he looked at her, she could tell her attempt to keep lightening the mood wasn’t working nor appreciated. That he was hurting – bad. Fuck, he looked rough. “I’m safe...I’m here. You’re here. Cleanin’ me up. And...Won’t be goin’ anywhere. You won’t be goin’ anywhere.” Bandages wrapped around her shoulder best he could manage, Johnny stood tall in front of her. 

Washcloths still near her, V didn’t give him a chance to move before she turned on the tap, wetting the cloth now in her hand, staying seated as she pulled him a little closer. Cloth pressed lightly to his face, V cleaned off the dried blood, first from below his nose where the blood had dripped into his beard, then his split lip, up to his left eyebrow. Another cloth wet, she cleaned off some of the dirt there too, face cleaned completely. Needing some attention, she turned to the overturned contents of the medkit, antibacterial gel placed on her fingers, rubbed into each open cut, able to clearly see the bruises forming under the skin. 

“How...how long was I out?”

“Two, maybe three hours.” 

“And they...had you in another room that long?” 

“Yeah...” 

The thought of him being interrogated, smacked around, trying to get things out of him, and all he asked for was her made her stomach turn. Not that she would have been any different, her first thoughts being about where she was and how to find Johnny, never getting the chance to ask as he was in the room with her when everything went down. 

“Plan was to kill you. Weren’t gonna let you live no matter what...” Butterfly bandages on the cut above his eyebrow, she paused a moment, pushing that thought away. Thumb tracing his lip, she didn’t see it reopening, no need to put anything there. Hand resting there, she looked at him, and fuck she felt herself being torn apart all over again. 

“I shouldn’t’ve dragged you into this...”

“Yeah, well if you hadn’t you woulda gotten yourself fuckin’ killed, V! So fuckin’ what if I feel beat to shit!? Half fuckin’ baked plan as always! Damn lucky they thought it was a good idea to place us in a room together, or --” Punching the mirror behind her, the glass shattered, staying in place as a crackled reminder of the fist that broke it. “You never see the full fuckin’ picture! Always see what’s right in front of you, never anythin’ else!” 

Misplaced anger like it always was, covering up some layer of hurt. The tub they had their last argument in behind him, she knew his words were true, a painful reminder. The more time they spent together, the harder it would be for either of them to leave the other. V certainly felt that pull – the desire to never leave him again, bigger picture in her mind for just a moment. And that pull manifested in bringing him into a hug, scooting closer to the edge of the counter, arms around his shoulders. Unsure arms wrapped around her gently, then tight, almost to the point she couldn’t breathe. 

“Kept fuckin’...relivin’ you bein’ in that car. Holdin’ that gonk stuffed dog – watchin’ everythin’...” Their trauma was shared now, neither unable to escape what the other had been through, seeing it all first hand. “All I got was you, up in flames, fuckin’ --”

“Johnny...I’m here.” 

“I know that! I know you’re here, and I know you’re alive! Remindin’ me won’t do shit, ‘cause how long am I gonna be sure that you’re alright? That your brain didn’t melt, didn’t disappear into the Net, or that you weren’t decomished by some botched job!? My biggest damn fear...”

“Is me dyin’...” It was like that before they were separate too. At the end, when she was knocking on heaven’s door as he put it. “Let’s make it back to Night City. Get somewhere safe...Then...then we can talk. And I’m not tryin’ to avoid the conversation. I promise. We’ll talk. Won’t run off, won’t avoid it. But...dunno how long we can stay here.”

“Few hours...you need to rest if we’re gonna book it back to NC.” Not making a move to leave her, Johnny just kept holding her close, and she was content with that. If this was how she had to nap then so be it. 

“You rest too. Someone tries to come in we’ll hear ‘em.”

He tensed a moment, then relaxed, arms holding her less tightly than they were, like he was sure she was still here. “Sleep in the bed?”

“Of course. Told you – sharin’ a room has its benefits. We know the other is --”

“Safe. That you’re safe.”

“Yeah. And I know you’re safe.” 

He stood up straight, rubbing his face with his hands, careful to avoid the cuts. Leaving her in peace, she got dressed in what she could find – the shirt and shorts from the night she had to clean him up. Not even trying to kid herself, she would have likely asked for one of his to sleep in had she not had this one on hand. It made her feel safe, and that’s what she needed now. What he needed.

Johnny was already in the bed, turned to the middle, and V crawled in beside him. His leg moved to touch hers, her arm moved to touch his. Contact. Reminded the other that they were still there. “Sleep,” he whispered to her, and she closed her eyes, trying to remember that it was okay here. That Johnny was here and he saved her ass so many times before. 

Still all she could see, the dead body, the image and thought of him coming back alive, bursting through the door and taking them both out – she moved closer to Johnny, his body warm and solid. He smelled a little of blood, but the faintest hints of his cologne were enough to cover it up. He didn’t open his arms to let her closer, but he didn’t move her away as she was close enough to feel his breath on her face, neither of them getting close to being able to really sleep, but not wanting to move. 

“Shoulda let you zero him...” Barely above a whisper, she almost didn’t hear him, so thankful for all her implants. “Woulda...woulda let you know he was really dead.”

“You...ever think Smasher’ll be back?” Her voice wasn’t much higher, eyes still closed, trying to picture how he looked instead of her repeated events. It was working, as he kept talking, knowing how he looked better than herself sometimes. 

“Every once in a while. Keep thinkin’ he’ll pop back in – tear off my arm for good, kill me, kill Rogue...Kill you. Know he’s dead, but you’re always left wonderin’ if maybe...”

“Maybe it wasn’t final? ‘Cause he haunted you for so damn long, that he’s...”

“Gonna rip everythin’ away like he did before.” 

Her two week time limit wasn’t even close to being done. To have achieved it in such short notice that it seemed unreal. And with Smasher it was much the same. Found out about him and then a short time later he was gone. Johnny’s Boogieman taken out in a manner of minutes when they tried to get to Mikoshi. And then there was her own, shot in the back of the head, all the evil hatred in him coming to an immediate end, unable to hurt another soul. Who knows what he did in that gang, but she didn’t want to find out. She stopped looking once she learned where she could find him.

“Really, Johnny...Dunno if I coulda done it. Smasher was a borg without a heart. Not even human at that point. You two didn’t know each other ‘fore ‘Saka Tower…That wasn’t...he...For years I looked up to him, ya know? Loved my mom the most, yeah, but he always seemed so much grander. Better than he really was. Childish, I know, but...I still see him that way sometimes. Taught me what I know ‘bout repairin’ cars. Sat we with me when I had nightmares...Pure evil deep down...But he was still --”

“Still your dad, I know. He gave you the damn dog that you wanted to get outta that car when you came to after the Nomads got you patched up.” That made her hum, still wanting that thing sometimes, even as a grown woman who did merc work in Night City and raids Wraith compounds. 

“Happy it was you who got to finish him. No one else woulda known how damn important this was to me. But you knew that...Knew that when I asked you to come with.” 

He snorted, followed by a small laugh, and he finally moved to put a hand on her hip. “Same deal with Smasher. You were still pretty pissed at me for my whole bender that I’m surprised ya even went with Rogue that day. Wearin’ my jacket ‘n all.” 

Smiling, she looks back at it now, fondly, knowing that without that day none of this would have happened. “Only did it ‘cause I didn’t want Rogue to catch on to how pissed I was, but she still did. Told myself then I was doin’ it for Rogue ‘cause she asked, but I wanted to get Smasher too – for you. Felt all of what he did, and I was not gonna let him go.” Eyes still closed, she could only picture the rooftop of Arasaka Tower, Smasher’s blast to Johnny’s arm, the fear from falling still running through him. And even though her shoulder still hurt, she didn’t regret jumping from the helicopter, sparing him another round of having to live through being abandoned. 

“Kept my tags...” 

“Of course I did. You may have fucked ‘round in my body, gave me a tattoo, and left me half dead with Rogue in a motel room, but...Those tags meant somethin’ to you. Meant a lot. A symbol of a promise you kept even if I didn’t want you to. And you trusted me with them.” Unsure if she wanted to know the answer, she didn’t ask whether or not he kept her pendant. Given to him shortly after he woke up, he wore it up until she ran, and she knew he didn’t have it on now. 

“He’s not comin’ back, V. I put a bullet in his head – you put one in his heart. Smasher’s head came clean off – he’s gone too. All our ghosts are dead and gone.” 

“Not all, but most, yeah.” 

Opening her eyes, his were closed, unsure if they were the whole time they were speaking or not. Scanning his face, she landed back on his lips, a little swollen from the injury, but still the same ones she kissed before everything went down. She should be sleeping, or at least trying to, before they fled the city for good, but...She kept thinking of the kiss, and whether or not it was all an act or he really did want her too. If the kiss meant something to him, despite his new relationship. That it really would be best if they parted ways, because god damn if it did mean something she didn’t want Melanie to suffer because she decided now was the perfect time to confront her feelings instead of when she should have.

And she cried. 

Cried from the fact that this really was all over, and her father was dead. Lifeless body thrown on her from his software going dark and his muscles no longer able to move. Cried because she couldn’t even find it in her to kill him, even if she was given the chance, because he was still her father. The person who took everything from her, made her so cruel and callous, flaky and afraid, terrified by the prospect of letting others get close enough to touch her in any real way, and she still, somewhere deep down, recognized he was her father. Raised her for years before finally showing his true colors. Cried because she hurt, her shoulder throbbing, her body straining against the chair making her sore, emotional pain from knowing Johnny was put through so much because she couldn’t damn figure out they had been had. He asked for her – begged for her. 

Cried because how did it take this long to realize how much of a mistake she made? A full fucking year, and it was only after she had to face Johnny again did it really sink in just how terrible it was. Sure, she spent nights miserable over it, drinking herself into oblivion and crying on Panam’s shoulder, incomprehensible. Enough so to make Panam call Johnny, ask him what was wrong, like he would still have all the answers. And maybe he would have if she just sucked it up and actually faced the rejection first. Got a concrete answer back then, instead of now, as he’s pulling her to his chest, as she’s thinking of that damn kiss all over again, and she doesn’t know what’s happening. 

“V.” A sharp whisper, and she was alert.

There was a shuffle outside the door.

Pulled from her misery, Johnny held her even closer, but no longer was it comforting. Stopping her tears by sheer force of will, V tried to quiet herself, letting him listen, allowing her to focus on the sounds outside their room. Pushing away from him, she sprung from the bed, grabbing her gear bag, leaving behind everything else, slipping on shoes as fast as she could. Johnny had the same mindset, grabbing his Malorian, holstering it, head clear enough to at least haphazardly pack away their medkit, likely needing it if things went bad fast. 

Quiet, they looked around again, window of the motel room a bunch of metal blinds. Johnny’s arm out of commission for heavy lifting, one of her own out as well, they had to quickly pry the blinds off the window, hearing banging on the door, the other side claiming there was a message for them, but that was a ruse. Metal sheets off, timing for once on their side, Johnny was out of the window before the blast took off the door, V thrown out onto the fire escape from the explosion. They weren’t fucking around. Clamor of voices in the room, one noticed the open window, and she and Johnny were forced to run. 

No time to wallow in what misery she felt. Never any time for that.


	12. Black Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _In concrete canyons squinting neon eyes  
>  Black dog beside me, like shadow needing light  
> Stalk the backstreets, never at ease  
> Locked in a chase that'll never cease  
> A bloody moon, portending doom  
> Another cruel day is coming soon  
> Have to end this but it's just begun  
> A ﬁnal charge, with the rising sun ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanna give a warning, even if it is a spoiler for the chapter, but they do get basically buried alive (mistakes made by V not anything where someone nabs them), so if that's not cool, this is your warning! Next chapter will mention it briefly, but certainly not like this.

“Truck’s out front – we gotta delta!” V ran in front, Johnny keeping cover behind her as she fled down the ladders, jumping and sliding when she could, shoulder on fire from all the use it was getting. Vik was going to have to look at this when she got back. 

“Oh, we’re not invitin’ these scops over for tea!? No fuckin’ shit we gotta delta!” A few shots, and they were on the third floor, people closing their open windows as they ran past. A clap of fire from the explosive rounds and V knew she had to pick it up. Faster down, she chanced a look back, seeing Johnny on a ladder, hanging with one hand and shooting people with the other. Shots missed a few times, and she got worried. It wasn’t like him to miss.

“Johnny! C’mon! Leave ‘em! Truck’s better than a god damn Delamain! No combat mode, but I got combat proof plating!”

“And let ‘em follow us!? Fat fuckin’ chance!” Frustrated, and the people getting closer, V grabbed him, pulling him down the ladder and off with her, one more story to go. Solid ground beneath her feet, V booked it to the truck, Johnny still firing off rounds behind her. Goons out front, she dug out her own pistol from her bag, clearing a path to her truck, not wanting to get into a complete fight. 

Once inside, she ducked down below the windows, still a habit from having inferior vehicles, digging around for the shard from Rogue. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” She couldn’t find it in her bag, and when Johnny finally entered the truck he messed up her search, jostling her bag. 

“Johnny! Fuckin’ seriously!?” 

“What!?” He ducked down as well, bullets hitting the truck, people trying to get in from the outside. “Fuckin’ drive, V!? What is your problem!?” 

“I need the shard! I don’t have the fuckin’ shard!” Right now she could use those stops that Rogue mapped out, secluded enough to hide from whoever was coming after them. Likely The Dogs. She did just wreck their entire chain of command, and she knew there would be a high bounty on their heads.

“Fuck the shard, V! Fuck the damn shard! Just drive!” Grabbing her, he maneuvered her into a sitting position, taking over the search. V shifted gears, slamming on the gas, driving over the hedges in front of the motel, slamming into another vehicle as she peeled out, driving on the wrong side of the road to hopefully provide more obstacles. 

It wasn’t long before vehicles were following close behind her, Johnny still looking for the shard. “You’re gonna have to get us back without it! Don’t think ya grabbed it!” 

“It has to be in the bag! Just keep lookin’!” Sharp turn, and the bag was thrown into Johnny’s lap, some of the less heavy contents spilling out. Not knowing the streets of Atlanta, she could only guess at which routes took her out of the city, going in blind while Johnny still searched. 

“Well excuse me, princess! Wouldn’t be too big of a fuckin’ problem if you learned how to drive! And why the fuck is your gear bag packed like this!? You’re the fuckin’ worst!” 

“Would you shut the fuck up!? I don’t live here! I’m tryin’ to make sure we don’t fuckin’ flatline ‘fore we’re on the road! Can you please just find it!?” Another sharp turn, and V felt like she was going in circles around the city and with Johnny. Bag tossed around again, almost everything flying out, she could tell he was ready to toss everything, including her out the window. 

“Imma eat my words for a minute. You mighta just saved our asses.” Confused, she looked over, seeing him slot something into his port before ripping it out, plugging it into the truck. Map displayed, V whooped out a cheer. 

“Fuck yeah! Never complain about my drivin’ ever again!” 

Vehicles still on their trail, bullets bouncing off the truck, V was trying her hardest to lose them before they left the city limits, no such luck as the lights of Atlanta were in her rear view mirror, men still following them out. Not worried about the streets, blood pumping as she pressed down on the gas at full speed, trying to see if she could outrun them and out smart them. 

“Got somethin’ I can use to shoot at ‘em? Knock out a few?” 

“I do, but I don’t think either of us are able to use it, really. Shoulda tinkered with your damn arm when I had the chance. How long you think they’ll follow us for?” 

“Depends on how high the bounty is.” 

Given what they pulled off, she figured it was about as high as the one she got when she pulled the Konpeki Plaza heist. Or at least enough to get them tailed for a long while. “Ain’t no rest for the wicked is there?” 

He snorted, still facing back and keeping an eye on the distance between them and their pursuers. “Money will grow on trees for these fuckers if they get us, so focus on drivin’.” Some joke she didn’t get, a reference she didn’t know, but he was right. 

Night turned to day, sun high in the sky when they hit the mountains she so wanted to avoid last time. Snow thicker the higher they climbed, and V was starting to fade. The rush of the chase wore off hours ago, and the white snow in her eyes made her disoriented. Johnny was also feeling the affects of this long haul, having long abandoned being turned around to look, just reclined back and checking the mirrors. Neither had spoken for hours, just waiting and hoping that the mountain made the men turn back. Nothing of the sort happening, they were still avoiding bullets and the occasional car that came up to ram them. Truck much larger than anything they had, V easily pushed them off the narrow mountain roads, but there in lied another problem: they were running out of road. 

Reaching the top, they were going to have to descend, and doing so at high speeds was playing a dangerous game. Looking over at Johnny, she just sighed, knowing she was going to have to tell him that fact. “Johnny...” her throat was dry. They hadn’t even thought about drinking anything, so on edge from having to run. “Gonna need you to help me keep an eye out for stuff. Don’t wanna, but I’m gonna have to go down the mountain pretty damn fast. Might be our last chance to lose ‘em ‘fore we hit the city.” 

“Do what you gotta do,” his throat was dry too, and he sounded so damn tired. They were both so fucking tired. “What stuff do I need to look out for?” 

“I’ll be watchin’ the terrain, you just lemme know how many vehicles are left when I ask. How many we startin’ with?” 

“Still got five on our ass. Thinkin’ they’re tryin’ to just follow us and wear us out. Unlike them, we can’t swap drivers.” Statement of fact that was oh so true. But, she could work with five. A significant drop in the number from when they started. Nineteen hours worth of weeding people out, and damn she wanted it done. 

“’Bout to start headin’ down. Gonna go down the side of the mountain, not on a road. Just, hold on.” Giving Johnny a minute to position himself safely, brace himself for the sharp turn, and V was off. Wheel jerked to the side, she almost flipped the truck going down, but her vehicle could handle it. Johnny said a curt “four” and she knew at least one was done. 

Swerving between trees, trying to keep the truck in the clear, the numbers kept falling. A three was spoken after she turned to avoid a set of close together trees, a two after she jumped a creek, and lastly a one, nothing too harsh to avoid, but nothing to allow her to shake them. 

“Still tailin’ me pretty close?” 

“Yeah.” 

Fuck. Looking around, she saw a part of the mountain side that jutted up just a bit. If she played it right, she could get close, swerve, avoid it in time, but the car wouldn’t, completely unaware of what was happening. Knowing Johnny would hate the plan, she declined to tell him, the snow covered ground making it slick, and he would object on the basis that she would likely get them killed. 

Shifting some of the gears in her truck, turning the wheel sharply, and she careened towards the rock face, the car behind her following. In her ear was Johnny yelling, but she was so hyperfocused on not crashing that she didn’t listen. Mere feet away, she turned again, avoiding the rock face and seeing the car tailing them was gone. Voice still yelling, it was but a mosquito buzz to her, trying hard to stabilize the truck and get them back on track. 

Patch of ice over top some melted snow hit the tires, and V tried desperately to make the truck stop swerving. In his infinite wisdom, Johnny grabbed the wheel, trying to help, but it made everything worse. Slamming into the side of the mountain, thrown back from the impact, she didn’t have time to react as the snow dislodged above them buried the truck in darkness, no longer the white shining snow that engulfed them. It was just darkness. 

Engine of the truck shut down, there was no light. Nothing coming from the truck. “Johnny...Hey...I’m here. You...alright?” She looked in his direction, optics adjusting to the change, and she was greeted to him, fists clenched, glaring her way. 

“What the fuck was that, V!? You got any idea what kinda shit we’re in now!? How deep this damn snow is!? Told you this was bad the moment I saw you goin’ down the fuckin’ mountain. But nah! You never fuckin’ listen! One bad idea after the other!” 

“If you hadn’t grabbed the wheel we woulda been fine!” 

“If I hadn’t grabbed the wheel you woulda flown into a damn cavern!” 

She screamed out in frustration, covered up by the plating of the truck and the snow above it. Knowing Johnny, he was going to start panicking soon, and she needed to act fast if they wanted to make it out alive. Optics fully adjusted, she ripped off the front plate off the panel in her truck, wires exposed. Nothing seems to be fried, meaning the battery in the truck was just dead. One work around could be using a battery she kept in the back for emergencies, and she scrambled to her back seat, opening the window to the back of the truck. Quickly sorting through her items, she grabbed the battery, going back to the front and plugging it in. Neon life in the screens on her truck, everything displayed properly, but she knew there would be no digging the truck out. All she could hope to send out was a distress signal. 

Powering off unnecessary functions, conservation of the battery needed, she looked at the display there, finding how much time they had. A week. A week and the battery would be gone. Sending out a distress signal, using the shard’s data to help, she hoped it would ping out from under the snow, reaching its target. Letting it blip, she looked back at Johnny, fist beating on the glove box in front of him. 

“Sendin’ a signal to Rogue. She should get it. Used a code from the shard, hopefully ringin’ somethin’ on her end. Dunno how long --” 

“What do you mean you dunno how long!? We need to get outta here, V! We’re gonna die down here!” 

“That’s the fuckin’ plan, but I don’t think there’s a way to dig outta here, so that’s the best we got!” He was trying to calm down, but no dice. His breathing picked up, and V could tell her was dangerously close to exploding. She didn’t know first hand what happened the day she almost drowned, but she heard second hand that he was not okay. That it was one of the things he still had nightmares over. 

“Let’s get to the back of the truck. Everythin’ in there’s still in tact. More space...” No windows, but that might be better. She had little lights back there that ran off a separate battery, and that might help – make him think of anything else other than their predicament. 

“We’re gonna run outta fuckin’ air!” 

“We won’t,” a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped, but didn’t remove her hand. “Got oxygen circulation devices in here. Truck’s sealed off to prevent chemical leaks into the bed, so they come standard with the model. Won’t run outta air...Can you crawl through the back window?” She knew she could, but he was a different story. 

He didn’t answer, but he began crawling over the seats, getting to the open window. V followed behind him, ready to help if he got stuck, but he climbed back with ease. Maneuvering herself back there, she closed the window to the front of the truck, turning on her little lights. Soft light replacing the harsh darkness, Johnny seemed to relax a little. He was still bouncy and jittery, but he didn’t yell at her. 

While her truck may have been sealed off, that didn’t mean the temperature wouldn’t drop. Eventually, the cold would get in. Having left their bedding in the motel room, no time to grab it, she had to find other things to keep them warm. A spare blanket, thin, but usable. In a place in one of the shelves was the replica Samurai jacket, thrown Johnny’s way for him to use. If anything, it would serve as a good pillow if he wanted to sleep, though that would likely not come easy, despite the exhaustion. Another blanket, and she’s glad Panam left hers back here from the time they traveled to Nevada together. No pillows left in here, but at least her mattress was comfortable enough. 

“Got enough water in here for two weeks, food for a month. Battery sendin’ out the signal will last for a week.”

“Fuckin’ nova. So what do we do if it goes out and we’re still in here?” 

V didn’t want to say it, but she knew the answer. If Rogue didn’t get the signal, they were done for. Two bodies in the truck, having to wait for the snow to melt to be found – if ever. Decomposing away from within. “We figure it out. Ration stuff to last longer...”

“Maybe you shoulda left me back in Night City. Now I’m gonna decomish in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, some Nomad chick thinkin’ we can make it outta this.” He’d probably push her away, but she moved closer to him, hand on his arm. 

“Not gonna decomish down here. ‘Specially not right now. You’re tired...we’re tired. Let’s sleep. We’ll think better once we’re rested. Good thing is no one can come after us. And snow’s not gonna cave us in, so...” Blanket draped over him, she didn’t share, just sitting next to him, watching as he sunk down to lay in her lap, the only pillow in the truck. Fingers in his hair, she watched him relax. Tired too, it didn’t take her long to let it take over, head falling back against the bed enclosure, cheek resting on one of her folded up shelves. 

_Heat. All she felt was heat, and when her brain processed why, she was already on fire, the click of the lighter having set her ablaze. A gunshot, but it was too late, her father’s body on her, on fire as well, but she couldn’t be saved. Johnny too was gone, Smasher blasting through him, ripping off his arm and then – ___

__“V!”_ _

__The temperature in the truck was still temperate, but she was sweating. Drenched, she rubbed her face, trying to compose herself, ruining Johnny’s sleep for this day. Downside of the darkness is she didn’t know how much time passed, but the tired feeling in her body told her not much. The bags under Johnny’s eyes were so profound, and damn they were both at their breaking points._ _

__“Don’t think usin’ me as a pillow was worth it.”_ _

__“Wouldn’t’ve mattered. You were screamin’.”_ _

__Hands rubbed her face again, feeling horrible. Looking around, V grabbed out a bottle of water, handing one to Johnny, knowing they needed something, not drinking anything since before they were interrogated. Chugging his, she just sipped hers, grim reminder they needed to conserve resources right now. She was too tired to talk, and he was too. Lying back down, this time on the jacket, he rolled over. V didn’t sleep, still terrified to. Instead, she brought her knees to her chest, just watching as his breathing slowed. Chin resting between her knees, she let her mind be blank, not wanting to consider anything right now other than the fact she and Johnny were alive. Tattered and worn, but alive._ _

__He startled next, jumping out of his sleep, covered in that same sheen of sweat. Moving to him, she pulled him down to lie back, lying next to him and offering words of comfort when he spoke. Cycle repeated plagued by nightmares the both._ _

__Trash piling in the corner of her truck bed, and the signal getting weaker, battery having one more day left, checking each time she went to the front of the truck for privacy, the prospect of being saved was growing slimmer and slimmer. Last ditch effort, she tried remote activating her holo with her implants, but like she thought, it yielded nothing. Plugging in a signal amplifier, she pinged out one last time, hoping it worked. If not…_ _

__Window opened, she shivered from the cold, still dressed in that t-shirt and her shorts, having nothing to change into. Johnny wrapped her in the Samurai jacket when she returned, unable to wear it when she climbed into the front. Closing the window, they were back to being sealed into the bed of the truck, nothing but themselves. Some of the lights burned out, but their warm glow still made this space cozier than the front. They’d taken to holding the other close, wrapped in the jacket and two blankets, Johnny leaning against a flat surface and V to his chest. Back in position, she could see his breath and hers in front of them as they exhaled, temperature well below freezing._ _

__“Boosted the signal. Try one more time, ya know?”_ _

__“Told ya we were gonna decomish like this.” Morbid words, but he didn’t sound sad. Just resigned to his fate._ _

__“Half baked plans – tired ass brain. Surprised we made it this far.” They hadn’t talked much being trapped here, having nothing to say, really. Until now, when V knew there was almost no saving them. That there really would be things left unsaid if they were never spoken. She wouldn’t die alone, not anymore, because there wasn’t an option. He couldn’t run. She couldn’t run. Now or never, while they were still coherent, not delirious from dehydration, which was becoming more and more likely._ _

__“We should talk about why I left...”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've made it to the big convo, but I'm telling you, never trust me. 
> 
> Also, for everyone who has left a kudos, comment, or read the chapters, thank you so much!!! <3 it really does make me so, so happy!! :3


	13. Teardrop (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Water is my eye  
>  Most faithful mirror  
> Fearless on my breath  
> Teardrop on the fire  
> Of a confession  
> Fearless on my breath ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this is a smut chapter!
> 
> That's all I'm gonna say

Despite the freezing cold of the truck, she felt warm, unable to stop her heart from beating against her ribs, waiting for Johnny to respond. He seemed irritated, like he didn’t want to hear her out. 

“You wanna talk about it now ‘cause we’re dyin’ and there’s no way around it?” 

“More than that,” though that was certainly part of it, each day looking like it was their last, or at least the last time they’d hold onto some sliver of hope. “You deserve to know. Just for some closure. Won’t kid and say it’s not ‘cause things are lookin’ pretty grim, but it’s…I just wanna let you know.” Shifting around to sit sideways in his lap, he let her, holding her in his arms as they talked. Cold hand to his cheek, she just looked into those dark eyes. Always something there behind them, but she could never figure out exactly what. Not anymore, at least. 

“Thinkin’ I know why...Least now. But, I’d like to hear it from you. See if you’ll confirm what I’m sure I know.” His metal arm was cold against the skin of her thigh, but its soft circles made up for it, more soothing than jarring. 

“Didn’t lie when I said I ran ‘cause I was scared. I really was...Still am. Thought that maybe we’d fallen into this weird space where all we were gonna be was friends. When I didn’t want just that...We’d come so close together, yet that’s all we were?” 

“You wanted more?” Eyes shifting away from her, and he was thinking, and she was lost in herself again, trying hard to read his mind. Forever separate now, left only with the other’s memories, they couldn’t form new ones as a shared being anymore. Each time she thought of that she felt so empty and so desperate to have it back. Become one once again. 

“I did, yeah...Still do, if I’m honest. After the day at your grave when we had that fight and you promised me that you’d make it up to me. Formed this tiny little crush on a Night City legend.” Though she didn’t want to admit it was more than that. “When we kissed, even though it was damn insane how it happened, I...I wanted it to be so much more. But, I know that can’t happen.”

“For once, that gonk brain of yours might be onto to somethin’. Why is it you think we can’t have somethin’ together?” 

“You got Melanie, and --”

“You think she’s my fuckin’ output, don’t you? That’s what’s stoppin’ you?” Face twisted and eyes back on her, another emotion washing over him she couldn’t read. 

“What? She’s not? Figure that if you’re bein’ that nice to someone you’re fuckin’ ‘em.” 

He laughed a little, first bit of humor in this whole situation. “Fuckin’ no. Nice to you, aren’t I?” V’s lips in a straight line, eyebrow quirked, and he just snorted, elaborating because he did need to for saying that shit. “She’s Alt’s niece’s daughter. Nothin’ like that is goin’ on. Met her through some gig that maybe I’ll tell you about when this shit is over. Never fucked her. Tried, little after we met, but...didn’t feel right. Couldn’t get past the first date to the second.”

“’Cause you kept thinkin’ of Alt?” 

“’Cause I kept thinkin’ of you.” 

“Oh...”

Annoyed slightly, he rolled his eyes. “Yeah ‘oh’. Slipped with that damn kiss.” Metal hand leaving her skin, he rubbed his face, rough sigh escaping him, the rise and fall of his chest moving her. 

“Whaddya mean you ‘slipped’?” 

“’S all I keep thinkin’ about. Feel guilty for it.”

Alone, in the dark, little hope of ever seeing the surface, knowing Johnny didn’t have someone to return home to, and V felt brave. Courage enough to move, on her knees between his legs, hands cupping his face, making him look her in the eyes. “Don’t feel guilty. I think of it too...”

“What’s it you want from me, V?”

“For you to kiss me...Hold me. L--”

Eyelids pulling back for a flash, and his face came forward, letting her pull him into her for their second kiss. Without the pressures of some mission, watchful eyes upon them, it was less feverish, lips locking together in drawn-out movements, same small noises leaving her as she felt him. Moving from cupping his face, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, his pulling her flush against him. Always straying, thinking, she was grateful they were using her stash of toothpaste even if they were brushing dry and swallowing the paste, because he tasted of mint, probably the same as her. And in the cold of the truck, it should have amplified the chill, but all it did was make her lips tingle. Short little sparks heating her body, falling back with ease as he laid her down, freeing her arms from the Samurai jacket that stayed beneath her. Blanket draped over them to lock in the heat, she heard Johnny chuckle as he began kissing down her neck, her sharp inhale cutting in as he nipped her. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Certainly is one way to keep warm, princess,” a suck on the part of her neck that he bit, hands gripping the back of his shirt. Wouldn’t be smart to undress right now, but she still tugged at it, and he threw it off him, lifting her shirt to match, sitting up slightly to remove it. Sports bra she had on thrown off as well, the cold air against her chilled her to her core, but only seemed to spur him on, her back to the jacket once more as his mouth placed bites down her chest, marking her. Fingers pinching the pert bud of her left breast, the other encased in his mouth, needy whine leaving her as she felt teeth come down on it, the roll of its twin making her arch her back for more. 

Leg between his spread thighs, she felt him grind down against her, half hard in his pants. Keeping her leg there, his low groan vibrated on her, and she put her fingers through his hair, soft despite the dry shower products they had to use. V knew there was likely nothing truly sexy about either of them right now, but damn if this wasn’t the best she felt in so long. Their state of being didn’t matter – all that did was that now she was complete again. One whole being, connected after being ripped apart. Rough pads of his fingers ran down her exposed flesh, slight warmth contrasting nicely. Sliding under the band of her shorts, he hummed, resting his head on her chest, looking up at her. Running up and down her slit, he stopped after the fourth drag, pressing and circling her clit with precision, whimpering as he did. “Feel so beautiful, V. Slick, warm, willing.” And that she was, truck bed suddenly feeling like the surface of the sun under that blanket. 

“Johnny, fuck...I wanna feel you so bad.” Another chuckle, still teasing her clit, hips moving and trying so hard to get him to move lower. Strip her of her bottoms and dive in, wanting him. Chancing two fingers, finally, they entered her, ringless, nothing stopping them from going in to the last knuckle. Scissoring back and forth, V let herself go, eyes closed, autonomous as she let her inhibitions take over. Lewd sounds from above and below, fingers playing with her, her own still tugging as his hair as he rested on her chest. The angle wasn’t quite right, but there was still the need to keep warm and keep close, and her mind was focused on the fact that this was real. Happening. And she could love Johnny fully. 

Leaving her empty, his fingers left her, body moving to strip her of her shorts now, his own pants gone, bare before the other. Lying there, legs spread, she looked at him, completely focused on how he looked. Scars from his bar fight, tattoo on his torso, then his eyes. Hungry. Ravenous. Feeling that in the kiss he pulled her into, wet and sloppy, her name on his lips each time he pulled away for air. And each time he whispered hers she whispered his back, no longer desperate, but wanting to draw this out forever. No longer able to have death touch them if she did. 

Coating himself, cock gliding over her, he rested his forehead on her own, eyes reflecting in the other, and for a moment she didn’t see a difference. Then they turned back into that deep brown, looking at her so caring, and she almost missed as he slid inside her, body reacting on instinct as she moaned out “Johnny, I --” but his lips kissed her, cutting her off once more. And that was fine. Maybe she didn’t need to say it aloud, feeling as he buried himself inside her, forehead still on hers when he wasn’t covering up her wanton noises with his lips. Mint still on his tongue, the drag of him thrusting in and out, her legs wrapped around his hips, one hand coming between them to play with her. 

“Feel so fuckin’ good around me. Not gonna last long.” And that was fine, another fierce kiss on his lips, her own peak building and building. Could have been the worst sex of her life, and she would have cherished this moment. But it wasn’t. It was skilled, loving, in a way she didn’t think Johnny could be, and she gave himself to him. Feeling in the pit of her stomach, concentrated between her thighs, and she thrust back against him, bathed in the warm light from truck. Dreamy, lethargic, but intense. 

Bursting forth from the dam, V came screaming out his name, cut off again by another kiss, hand that played with her now gripping her hip as she rode out her orgasm, him chasing his own. Looking her in the eye as he came, spilling in her, she didn’t dare kiss him to cut off how beautifully her name sounded coming from him. Falling forward, he lied down on top of her, her own legs still around him, arms pulling the blanket over to encase them both in a cocoon. 

“Gonna need to get dressed soon – keep warm.” He groaned, just letting more of his weight fall on her, and she just smiled, kissing his cheek, his face right beside her own. 

“Always this bad with after sex talk?” 

“Yeah, prolly. Better get used to it.” 

All she got in response was a hum, him just lying there, holding her to him. But he must have realized she was right, pulling out and making quick work of finding their clothes. Dressed as quickly as they could, she was shivering by the time she was done, the heat of their encounter long since passed. Reclined back, Johnny opened his arms for her, and she crawled in, head resting on his chest as he held her close, a kiss placed to the crown of her head. “Hate how this is how it had to happen, ya know? That we really are so fuckin’ bad at this that we end up together in the face of death.” 

“No different than how this started, V. All we know is the danger of flatlinin’ the very next minute. Never thought either of us would die a slow death, though. That’s fuckin’ new.” 

“Dunno how I feel ‘bout it, but I got you. Nice little bonus to know we both feel the same about each other. Woulda liked to cash that in before our impending doom.” 

He laughed again, but just held her closer, hand on her head to keep her to his chest. “Your fault we couldn’t. Guess this part is mine too.” 

“Unstoppable force hitting an immovable object, right?” 

“Somethin’ like that. Thing still sendin’ out the signal?” Straining to hear, V still picked up its soft ping, still going, but for how long? 

“Yeah, still goin’.” 

“Then shut up ‘bout this whole death thing. Stop talkin’ ‘bout us. Worry ‘bout it when the time comes. Just wanna have you with me. Pretend none of this shit is happenin’. That nothin’ bad happened, and it’s just you ‘n me.” 

She could get behind that. Heartbeat in her ear, it was a reminder that they could just live in this moment still. Nothing has been ripped from her yet, and she didn’t have to pretend it had. She and Johnny there, in the cold, bodies pressed to each other. They’d likely be found like this, so still and discrete, so long they’d become the new lovers, discovered after so long. 

Reaching over, Johnny turned off the lights in the truck, and maybe it was easier to pretend in the dark. That they were somewhere other than here in this place. He didn’t panic when the lights went out, body still relaxed, heart beat steady in her ear. 

The scrape of metal, and Johnny hastily turned the lights back on, V grabbing the Malorian they brought with them back there. Taken from her hand, Johnny pointed it at the direction of the noise, another scrape against the hood, then more, threatening the breech the plating. V seriously doubted that it could, but whoever was trying to get to them may have saved their lives. She just hoped to hell it was Rogue or some other benevolent force rather than The Dogs or anyone else aware of the bounty. 

Hatch open, and Johnny cocked the gun, waiting for the reveal. White light, harsh and unyielding, blinded them shortly, but that was fine. Voice like smooth wine, V smiled like an idiot, falling back against Johnny as she heard it. 

“Told you two to make it back in one piece. Guess me coming to get you counts for that.” Adjusted to the light, V saw a rather bundled up Rogue, hand on the roof of the truck, bending down to see inside the cabin. “For two people trapped down here for a while, you look pretty damn good. V that well stocked?” 

Johnny hollered a laugh, V echoing it, saved once again by the Queen of the Afterlife. “Rogue! Never been so happy in my damn life to see you!” 

“Hurts, Johnny. Figured you were pretty happy seein’ me almost sixty damn years ago. Shoulda known then my fate was to keep diggin’ you outta trouble.” Voice still cold, the smile she wore gave away how she felt inside. Throwing them coats, V hastily put hers on along with the pants that followed, they were pulled from the truck, immediately placed in the back of some kind of hover vehicle. Warm in the cabin, she stopped shivering soon, body resting against Johnny as they rode out back to Night City, the rest of Rogue’s crew following behind.

Rogue in the driver’s seat, Johnny and V curled up in the back, and Johnny spent his time engaging in some witty conversation with the woman in front of him, holding V close. And damn if that wasn’t the best nap she had ever taken, only waking up once they got to the yellow sands that surrounded the city. 

More appropriate clothes given to them, V changed in the back, stepping out to see the skyline before them, a last stop before they cross the border. A request made by Johnny. Standing there, such a contrast from the cold of the truck, the humidity of Atlanta, V felt like she was right where she belonged. 

“Why ask Rogue to stop out here? Coulda gone right into the city, ya know.” 

She reached for his hand, and he took it, squeezing it lightly before he let it go. 

“I never made my decision. Told you – technically undecided. Think I’ve made my choice V, and I wanna tell you it here ‘fore we get back to the city.” 

She nodded, standing beside him, looking up at his face as he spoke. “Nice view to talk together, so yeah. Sounds nice to me. Wanna sit somewhere?” He shook his head, still looking at the skyline of the city, tracing over the ads that billowed out like they always did. Flying cars zooming past, never ending in their search for some sort of destination. 

“Right here. Still got a lot on my mind, and now that we’re not dyin’ in that hole, we should talk.” 

“I agree...Didn’t say all on my mind either.”

A pause, a moment, and then two. V still couldn’t read him, but she was sure of one thing. Same courage in her, she spoke, but he spoke too. Like they were still connected in some strange way. 

“I love you, Johnny,” juxtaposed against his “I think we should part ways,” uttered at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, but y'all know what I'm about at this point I'm sure. BUT always check my tags!!!


	14. Speed the Collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Pushed away and I'm pulled toward  
>  A come down of revolving doors  
> Every warning we ignored  
> Drifting in from distant shores  
> The wind presents a change of course, a second reckoning of sorts  
> We were wasted waiting for a come down of revolving doors ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *plays Hurt by Johnny Cash on repeat*

There was no way she heard him right. Scanning him, darting from his eyes to his mouth, V couldn’t tell if he was playing around or not. If this was some sick joke he was pulling on her, because he could be like that sometimes. Unnecessarily cruel in the face of something uncomfortable. A confession of love might have done that to him in the past, but after all that? After everything? 

“You serious? You wanna part ways, still!? Like, you’re serious right now!? You’re serious!?” 

He still looked at her, not moving from his spot, whereas she walked in front of him, panic rising within her as he kept still. “Johnny! You can’t be serious! This is a joke! Tell me it’s some gonk ass joke, and you’re just messin’ with me to get back me for leavin’ you!”

“V...I’m serious. We can’t keep doin’ this.” 

Crushed by the force of his words, V stuttered, unsure of what to even say to him. Where to even begin questioning what the fuck was going on between them. Time and time again she thought about the ways in which things were fucked beyond repair, where she and Johnny were almost done for. And each time he kept pulling her back in. Only to do this? 

“So, what – the shit we did the truck, everythin’ I told you, you beggin’ for me when we were apart!? Do you remember the night you were so fuckin’ drunk, and I’m sittin’ there sewing you back together!? Where you told me you couldn’t hate me!? How you wanted me with you!? Kept tellin’ me you didn’t hate me! What about that kiss!? You fucked me, Johnny! We had sex less than twenty-four hours ago!” 

Rubbing his face, roughly, he was getting frustrated, but what did V care now? Shaking, on verge of crying, she just kept yelling at him. 

“What did all this mean, then!? Comin’ with me – helpin’ me!? You took care of me! Helped through everythin’ that happened! I’m so fuckin’ confused, and you don’t even seem to care!” 

“Yeah well that’s where you’re fuckin’ wrong!” Nothing to punch, his fists stayed balled, arms clenched to his sides – bull like anger, seeing red in the form of V. “I care too damn much! I love you so fuckin’ much I’m willin’ to let you waltz in ‘n out at will. Stroll up, when I’m still fuckin’ hurtin’, let you drag me to Atlanta, almost get me killed so many times. And yeah, I remember that night! And I remember all my words! Each time I pick you up, and you just take and take! And I’m still here knowin’ I don’t wanna let you go, but I have to!” 

“If you love me you don’t have to let me go, Johnny! In what world --”

“No! In what world do you think only love can fix shit!? Want you to think real damn hard ‘bout all the people in my past who tried to fix me! Did they help me out!? Who was the one person who fuckin’ did what they were supposed to do to help me change!?” 

V knew that answer. It was her. That she challenged him instead of coddled him, treating him like he was capable of change if he really wanted it. Made him prove it to her time and time again, if only because he didn’t have an excuse to fall back into shitty habits being inside her head. Even when they were apart, he was the one who did the most to find change in his new leash on life. 

“I know you don’t need to answer it, V. I know you fuckin’ know. And I turned my whole fuckin’ life around. Got my shit together – cleaned up my act. Sure, my friends don’t got time for me, and I’m stuck in the city that I hate, but not once did I fly off the fuckin’ handle and get back into old habits. Not once did I go out and ruin my life on a whim ‘cause I could. Outta the two of us, I didn’t do that. Whole time when we were out in Atlanta, you missed the fuckin’ point over and over again. We cant’ do this!” 

“What the fuck do you mean I kept missin’ the point? Why can’t we do this!?” Frustrated at the fact she really didn’t understand what he was trying to say, she stomped her foot like a child, indignant and hurt. 

“Fuck, another time I gotta spell it out!? Fine. Thought you realized somethin’ on my birthday, when you told me that we can’t keep doin’ this. That we can’t keep doin’ this to each other. ‘Cause it ain’t right. Your words!” 

“Yeah. And I meant that. We can’t keep fightin’...hurtin’ the other. So why are you --” 

“If you meant that, then you understand damn well why we gotta part ways. Love ain’t gonna fix the fact we’re both willin’ to fall on a damn sword any time the other asks. How many times did I fuck up and you let me in? How many times have you fucked up and I let you in? And there were never any consequences. Cycle repeatin’.” 

“Life’s loops...” Kerry said that to her on the boat, and maybe he was right. Something about this felt familiar. Another similar conversation on the outskirts of the city, the two of them over something long since dead.

“You fucked up, V. I fucked up. Shoulda never come with you, ‘cause it gave you the idea that I’ll make room for you in my life whenever you want me to. Gave me the idea that you’ll always come runnin’ back at the end of the day. Home with me no matter where the wind takes you, even if I gotta wait an eternity.” Hand pinching the bridge of his nose, gathering the skin there, and V was sure he was trying not to cry. “And I know fuckin’ well what that does to people. Now been on both sides of the aisle.” 

“Still gotta ask, then. What happened between us? Was I just another notch on the bedpost ‘fore you kicked the bucket?” She was still so damn hurt. Thinking all they went through was for nothing. Her opening up was just a way for him to worm his way inside once more and suck everything from her. 

“Moment of weakness. I slipped, like I did before. Got lost in everythin’ ‘cause, yeah. I thought we were gonna die back there. Flatlined with only the other. And in my head, I kept thinkin’ ‘bout how badly I wanted you, and how much I wanted to build some life with you. Pretend in that truck that we were back in Night City, two years before, holdin’ each other in the dark. When I let that slip the first time you could run. Back then, in the truck, you couldn’t go. And you were tellin’ me why you ran, but you still kept missin’ the point. Thought that you were gonna tell me we couldn’t do this ‘cause it wasn’t right, not ‘cause you wanted to honor some output you thought I had.” 

“Ya know, somehow that’s worse.” Her voice cracked, and she looked up towards the sky trying to hold it in. “Fuck, Johnny I woulda been happier if you did this now and we hadn’t done that. For the first time in so long I felt happy – whole! And I’m havin’ it ripped away from me! Told you tryin’ to build a life with you was a wasted fuckin’ effort. Feel like I’m dyin’ all over again.” 

“And buildin’ somethin’ with you is wasted effort. Doin’ shit – sayin’ shit – that I did. The fucked up part of me kinda liked that. Wanted you to come to me with some big ass problem to fix, and I coulda swooped in and asked you to change.”

V snorted, but she didn’t mean it to be rude. She knew where he was going. “Reach out and fix me like all the people in your life that tried to. And I know that’s not good. Woulda ended up with me learnin’ nothin’, and you a broken shell of man once more. ‘Cause I woulda missed the target. Still missin’ the fuckin’ target.” 

“By a fuckin’ wide margin.”

“And now we’re here.” 

“And now we’re here.” He kept pinching the bridge of his nose, still trying not to let tears spill. “I fucked up, ‘cause now I don’t wanna let you go. Heard you tell me you loved me...Fuck, V. How the hell do I let you go after that?” 

So badly did she want to stay silent and let him falter again. Bring her in and tell her that he’d fix it. Pick her up and place her in his arms, setting her down on solid ground after she was healed, when right now she felt she was walking a tightrope. A good analogy, seeing as that’s how it always was with them. Eggshells lining the floor, waiting for one to break so they could fight over and over again in the worst way possible. 

If she stayed silent, let him break down and cross the line, then she didn’t learn anything. She would be just as bad as Johnny in letting people come and try to fix him in an open dare to the world, when he wasn’t ready nor forced to change. 

“’Cause, you don’t gotta make the call. I hate this. I hate it so much,” sniffling, V still had her head turned up, and she hoped that Johnny couldn’t see her tears. “’Cause you’re right. You’ve always been right. And somewhere I knew the truth too. Had to force you to change – didn’t give you a choice. Now you’re returnin’ the favor.” Looking at him instead of the vast sky, she saw the sun shining off his face as the tears flowed. Stepping over to him, she wiped them away from his face with her thumbs, his hands coming to wipe her own. “Quit cryin’, choom. I ain’t worth the tears.”

“You’re worth the world, V. Worth it all. Deserve that – and if we keep this up you’ll lose it all.” Even if they tried now, didn’t walk away from the other, she’d still lose him. And if it felt like death now, it would feel worse if it happened after they actually tried. 

“When you didn’t tell me what it would take to keep you in my life, I was real determined to change. Still am.” His hands moved to the back of her head, tangling in her hair, titling her head up to him so they could look at the other. “Still will. Even without you. I owe you that – owe myself that. And damn I wish you could be here with me to see it.” 

“May not see it, but I’ll know it.” V nodded, their connection truly that deep. The moment she learned to live without him, stand on her own two feet, he’d likely know. Strings forever tying them to the other, even if they never saw each other again. 

“Gotta stay in the city to pay back Rogue. Promise – you won’t have to see me. Stay outta your hair and outta your way. Gonna hit up Vik and ask him if I can stay with him and do odd jobs ‘round the clinic. When I get a replacement holo, I’ll delete your number. Won’t call, text – nothin’.” He nodded, still holding her head, and she still swiped her thumbs over his cheeks. “But, I still love you Johnny. I think I always will.” 

“Funny – I was thinkin’ the same thing. Wrong place, wrong time.” 

In her heart, she hoped there would be a right time. Hoping that it hadn’t passed, and there was still a way to fix this. If there was such a hope then she had to be the one to set it in motion. And to do that she had to work on herself. A year’s time, maybe two, maybe ten. Until then, the ball was in her court. 

“Always like that with us, right Johnny-boy?” 

Only three between them, but when Johnny dipped down to press his lips to hers, she felt the most from this one. All the sadness and bittersweet feelings pushed into this salty kiss, wet from tears and sharp from pain. He pulled back, she pulled him in again, but only for a moment, off her tip toes and back on the ground. 

“Goodbye, V.” 

“Goodbye, Johnny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, before I come fix this who wants to hit me with a bat one more time?


	15. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And I take off driving  
>  Past places been tainted  
> I put on a good show for you  
> And when I turn back around  
> Will you drain me back out  
> Will you let me believe that I broke through? ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIN'T DONE YET Y'ALL

Picking up speed, borrowed car from Rogue, everything pulled from her truck in the back, and the dust behind her wasn’t getting in her eyes to make her cry. Night City felt like a prison once more, and it reminded V of the first time she wanted to run back into the Badlands, two months after planting roots here in the city. Back then she had Jackie to tell her it was a bad idea to go off again. Now she just had herself and the words from Johnny pushing her forward. There was no running this time. 

Parked near Misty’s and Vik’s, she tried to dry her tears before she walked through the door, but she didn’t do a good enough job. Hadn’t seen her in a year, and the first thing Misty sees is a broken down woman, pulling her into a hug, whispering “Oh honey, what happened?” Saying something about seeing something like this in the reading she did for her earlier in the year. And the commotion must have been great enough for Vik to emerge from his clinic, rubbing her back as she continued to sob into Misty’s shoulder. She tried to offer that self deprecating humor, saying she was too old for this shit, but both assured her that it was fine to hurt this bad. Neither said it wasn’t her fault, though. 

Vik let her work in the clinic, and Misty offered her a place to stay. V was glad these two were so willing to help, and damn if she wasn’t thankful for Misty. The first few nights were horrible. Nightmares of events playing over and over again. Buried in the truck, her father clicking the lighter, Johnny falling from the helicopter, the scene with her in the car, all on repeat. She barely slept, but each time she woke she was alone. Misty didn’t come in to hold her, tell her it was fine, or that she was safe with her, but she did make her breakfast and coffee, letting her rise when she needed and stroll into Vik’s to help with patients and supplies. Wasn’t what she wanted, but it was what she needed.

Holo back in hand, she deleted Johnny’s contact, but damn did that start the process all over again. It took her a full week for her to even consider getting another holo, but when she didn’t show one day at the clinic, and Misty had left her alone in the apartment, Vik made her get one. And she had made that promise – contact gone. She sobbed over a glass of whiskey, and that might have made things so much worse. If the first time they parted ways felt like a break up, this felt like one of them had died. Maybe they had in some symbolic way. 

But who was the one who died first? Her or Johnny? Did it even matter when technically both were still breathing and had work to do? She hadn’t realized until that moment, tears falling into that glass, that she used to ask these questions to Johnny and we would gladly entertain them. It was her turn to answer them, and damn did it hurt. 

Kerry called two months into her stay in Night City. He never outright asked it, but it was obvious he wanted to know what happened between the two. Made mention that Johnny had stopped by a bit before, and he seemed rough. Never as rough as he did in the past, but rough. V didn’t even know where to begin telling him, and frankly she was still processing everything – unwilling to let him know it all. So she left it at a simple “just needed a break from the other, that’s all.” 

More nightmares, but she kept waking up alone, and learned to deal with them better. Still woke up terrified, but she could go back to sleep. She could function. Spoke to Misty about it once, but that didn’t do much in alleviating her fears. But that conversation was interesting enough to make V think back on it a lot. It turned to Jackie, and for the first time since his funeral they talked about his death. 

“You ever get over losin’ Jack? Know you haven’t really been on dates, but did you ever stop feelin’ sad over it?” 

Misty shook her head, leaning over with her elbows on her knees, watching over her little set up on the coffee table. “I’m still sad about it. Hard not to be, I think. Made it through in the end. And I think about the times we had together, how happy I was, and I get to enjoy that now. Still a little bittersweet, but mostly sweet. Takin’ me to dinner, comin’ back here, lettin’ me do all my spiritual stuff even though I knew he didn’t really buy it. All our late night conversations. But I’m still sad when I think of the fact he’s gone, and I can’t get him back.”

V kept picking at her nails, leaned back on the couch, trying to find a way to ask if she’d ever really be over Johnny. But Misty could pick up on those things. “You and Johnny were different. Connected in ways people can’t understand, and really shouldn’t. Forced together – forced apart. Then the process repeated, leavin’ you here. You’re still separate people, and at some point you’d both have to realize you had to live that way. How you two went about it was a little iffy, but I have faith you’ll be able to think back on him and your time together and feel happy. Used to think Jack and I were soulmates, but you two took it to a whole new level, and that maybe wasn’t a great thing. Losin’ that isn’t the end of the world, but it certainly feels like it.” 

“Got a crystal or a chakra that’ll help me out with this?” 

“Yes, but they’d only do but so much. This is your soul’s journey – you have to map it out yourself. The Earth is a circle, V. You may have reached the end of it, but only metaphorically. Physically, you’re at the starting line and you have a whole race to go. Still, we should realign you.” 

And Misty was right – the realignment only did but so much. Her words, though, did wonders. Still undecided on where to go next, V stayed working for Vik even after she paid back Rogue. Tried her best not to think of Johnny, but it was hard when a lot of him was still in her. Took months before his memories stopped making her hurt. Took even longer for the memories of their shared time together to stop making her hurt. Eventually, when she was joking around with a patient while Vik worked, she could reference an old choom of hers who did some wild and crazy shit in his day, but somehow pulled it together. Better than she did in the same time period. 

Though, wherever he found the strength to change must have also been left inside of her. Because one morning she woke up and realized that she was standing on her own two feet. Path wasn’t clear, though it never was for her, but she made a difficult call to Panam, letting her know she was staying in the city. And she didn’t run from the friendship when Panam was a little peeved. Had to have a hard conversation with Vik about finding another job, telling him she appreciated his help, but if she was going to plant roots in the city she needed something else. Worked in the clinic still, but she was searching. Though she was finding it hard to even get an interview, given she couldn’t put “I’m an expert on security systems because I did some crazy merc shit” on a resume. 

Time didn’t heal all her wounds, nightmares still coming in, a strange emptiness inside her remaining, but she felt like a whole person. Fully herself in god knows how long. And it was then that she was oddly thankful Johnny let her go. That she let Johnny go. Optimistic that he was also learning what it was like not to live in the other’s shadow. 

A normal Tuesday, and V was cleaning up supplies, yelling at Vik for not keeping his tools properly sharpened. Him telling her if she has a problem she can fix it herself, and she knew it was because she did the better sharpening job. 

“Look alive, kid. New customer.” This should be good. Vik only warned her when he sensed something interesting about to happen. Looking at the doorway, V’s eyebrows raised up, recognizing that face. Vik began speaking, but he was stopped.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, doc, but I’m not here for you. V here?” He pointed to where she was in the back, and V set down the tools, leaning against the table there. “Ah! Hey, V! Been a while, huh?”

“Been uh...Never, Melanie.” That came out ruder than she intended, but she was pretty surprised to see her here at all, let alone coming to see her over the ripperdoc seated before her. Vik had a reputation in the city, so coming to him wasn’t all that strange, but her coming to see V? Something was up. “Sorry, testy. Just kinda wonderin’ what’s up. Never really spoken before...”

“Yeah, only share a mutual ch --” she cleared her throat, flipping some of her hair behind her shoulder, “contact. Weird, I know. But I wanted to talk to you. Care to grab lunch with me?” So far removed from her, but she did look a lot like Alt now that she knew the connection. But, she had green eyes, and the nose was different. She had freckles where Alt didn’t. Enough of Alt was there, in the blonde hair and build that V could see why Johnny was immediately able to connect with her. 

“I mean, guess you won’t kill me.” Probably couldn’t, even now. “Lemme ask Vik – hey! Mind if I step out for a bit?” 

“Be my guest, kid!” He didn’t even look away from his screen, waving her off. 

Nodding to Melanie, the women stepped out, walking out of the alley through Misty’s shop. “My car or…?”

“I’ve been warned about your driving. Gonna insist I drive.” V shrugged, walking with her over to where she parked, getting into the passenger seat of some beater. And she thought she drove something horrible when she first got to the city. “Any preference for food?” 

“Anythin’ cheap, if ya don’t mind.” It didn’t seem to bother her, riding in silence as they made it to some diner on the other side of the city. Even though there was nothing that resembled contempt between them, something still felt strange about this whole meet up. 

Ordering food, Melanie sipped the coffee in her mug, taking it the same way V did. “Ya know, one of the first things Johnny did when we met was make me coffee. Said it was a habit. Made the mug this way, and it kinda stuck. Got good taste.” 

V smiled a little, sipping her own. “Weird. Every time I meet someone I have this urge to start makin’ ‘em food. He can’t cook.” Talking about Johnny was only natural, the only common subject between them.

“I’m aware. Asked him to make eggs once. Thought it was simple enough. I was dead wrong.” Conversation lulled for a bit, Melanie digging into her food, V poking it around on her plate. She was just waiting to cut to the chase, see why Melanie was even here. Though, the woman just kept talking. “He ever tell you how we met?”

“Said somethin’ ‘bout a gig.” Though, that memory still left her heart a little tender thinking of it. Told her he’d tell her the story right before she confessed to him. “But, he never told me the full story. Just who you were and how he knew you. Like, ya know who you’re related to – that you know who he really is. Which seems weird you’re on the list of a handful of people who know, since you weren’t there for the whole Relic business.” 

“I wasn’t – nope. Which, sorry that happened to you. Told me all that happened. But, sure you don’t wanna talk about it again, and I don’t wanna hear it. Not cheery stuff. My stuff isn’t cheery either, but it’s important, I think.” She shrugged, and V just nodded, knowing no one in Night City had a happy tale. “But yeah, met him through a gig. Hired him to kill Brigitte.” 

That made V almost choke on her coffee. “We thinkin’ of the same Brigitte? Ya know, leader of the --”

“Yup. That Brigitte. Got a personal vendetta against her. Her gang’s been trying to contact Alt for years. Trying hard to find a way to do it. That’s how I met her.” Melanie was serious, her light tone long gone, and V sat back in the booth, legs crossed along with her arms. 

“They try to hook your ass up to the Net and somethin’ go wrong?” 

“Not me. My mom. I never met Alt personally – timeline doesn’t add up. So she doesn’t know me. But she met my mom. Couldn’t grab my grandma, the best link – she was long dead. Brigitte came to the apartment we lived in, maybe fifteen years ago. Tried hooking her up to the Net to call out Alt. Thought that maybe Alt would recognize her as her niece, even though they met a handful of times when my mom was real young.” 

“Guessin’ by the fact I’m sittin’ here that it didn’t work.” Finally eating, V dug into her food, and damn she was regretting picking something cheap. But, her wallet couldn’t afford much better. 

“Fried her brain almost instantly. Wasn’t used to that level of Netrunning, and certainly not when the whole thing was doomed to fail anyway. Been taking care of her since. But eventually I collected enough scratch to even try and put a hit on her. My act of revenge for basically ruining my life, so I thought back then. Contacted Rogue, thinking that because she was around when Alt was alive, knew of her at least, that I could pull at some heartstrings I realize she doesn’t really have.” That made V snort, and Melanie seemed to laugh a little too, both knowing Rogue was actually nice deep down somewhere. “Actually told me she’d send someone to meet with me, though she didn’t take my eddies. What I got was Johnny knockin’ at my door.”

“How touching. Why am I bein’ told all this? Not that it’s not an interestin’ story, it’s just I don’t do merc work anymore, and if you think you can hold Johnny’s memories of Alt over me to help, you might wanna try somewhere else.” It didn’t look like Melanie was trying to do this, but V had to play it safe. There wasn’t much to go on, given she didn’t know the woman, though, so safe was best. 

But it made Melanie laugh, shaking her head, flipping her hair back over her shoulder, and V figured it was some habit. “Hell no! Dropped that a while ago. Guess I just wanted to tell you ‘cause there’s a moral to the tale, maybe? And also it’s building up to a thanks, and an apology.” 

“An apology?” 

“Yeah.” She sighed, swirling the coffee in her mug, and V ended up drinking from her own, swirling in the same style, though she was still leaned back in the booth. “Owe it to you, I think. First time I met Johnny, I didn’t know who he really was. Just barged in, sayin’ some shit about how it wasn’t worth it to go after Brigitte, and that it wouldn’t do any good. The fucking audacity of him, right!? But, he ended up being correct. Wouldn’t’ve been worth it. Wouldn’t help my mom...And what’s funny is I didn’t listen to him until he told me who he really was.” 

“’Cause who knows the price of revenge better than Johnny fuckin’ Silverhand?” And maybe V. But this wasn’t her tale. Hers had ended with her father dead, but an even emptier feeling in her chest. “And revenge is rarely worth the price. Glad he talked ya outta it, ‘cause I gotta say the unintended consequences are far reachin’ and wider than a joytoy’s asshole.” 

“Exactly. Though, I woulda phrased it differently.” She sipped her coffee and went on, “In my family, Johnny was the conversation point to discuss what not to do in life. My grandma used to talk about about him, telling me, and likely telling my mom when she was younger, that being around a guy like him was bad news. That he was the worst of the worst. Kept going on about how he ruined Alt’s life, and she could have been so much better without him. And maybe that’s true, but the version of Johnny I met? Whole different beast. In my life, he was the monster in my closet, so to speak. So to see him kinder, nicer than I expected? To have him convince me not to ruin my whole life? Something had to have happened to him, right? Wasn’t shocked when he told me about the Relic and all that happened. How it changed him. Even though you were off in the Badlands at the time, he still held you in such high regard. So, thanks. He’s a true choom and I’m happy to have him. So far removed from the Silverhand of yesteryear.” 

V wanted to joke back, saying it wasn’t her doing, but she just stayed silent on that front, knowing well he does credit her with helping him change. And maybe that didn’t necessarily benefit her, but this woman, impulsive enough to try and kill fucking Brigitte, was alive enough to talk to her now, telling her this all because of the changes she made in Johnny. It made her realize Johnny became a whole person sooner than she did, and she was happy for it. And talking about Johnny now felt so nice. A weight lifted from her. Realizing that he did give her the opportunity to do the same.

“But this is where I have to say sorry. When he came to me that night, told me about your plan to go and kill your dad, I should have returned the favor. Stopped him from going with you. Because when he told me what happened...He threw out all the lighters in his apartment and mine, actually. It’s what got me to ask.” V tensed at that, phantom clicking in her brain, but she breathed in deep, calming down, waited for Melanie to continue. “And you know, he didn’t tell me about what happened in that room first. Or any of the heists you pulled. He told me about how torn up he was that he basically left you high and dry. Kinda figured it would happen that way, and I should have spared both you and him the heartache of it all.” 

Dark laugh, V drank the last of her coffee, placing the mug down on the table, looking into its empty space. “Don’t really accept an apology for it, gotta say. Not real pissed that it ended like this. Not anymore, at least. So no need to say sorry. Almost thankful it happened this way.” Looking at her, V thought she saw a smile smile on her face before she willed it away. “You here ‘cause Johnny asked you to check on me?”

“No. At least, he didn’t ask. We talk about you at least once a week. I can tell he wonders how you’re doing – if you’re alright. And, maybe I wondered it myself, and I’m nosy enough to come snooping about. Quite pleased I get to slip into our conversations that I met you properly. That you’re doing fine.” And she was. She was doing great. 

“He doin’ alright?” 

“It’s Johnny – is he ever truly doing alright if he’s not ranting about Arasaka daily? And, I don’t let him. Got sick of it by the third rant that lasted over an hour.” V laughed and Melanie laughed with her. “He’s good. Says he feels --”

“Whole?”

“Mhm.” Another bout of silence, and V finished her meal. When she was done, she paid for both her and Melanie’s meal, standing there outside the little place with her, Melanie not moving from the spot, an indicator that she wasn’t done talking yet. 

“V. Wanted to let you know...We’re leaving the city soon. At least, my mom and I are permanently. Going to Canada. Gotta get smuggled outta the city and then across the border, but we’re bringing Johnny along. He might be staying with us, he might not. Up to him.”

“Can I ask? Why Canada?” 

“They weren’t hit hard by the collapse. So they have more resources, better standard of living, and I can maybe get more help for my mom. Things aren’t looking good, so. And for Johnny, maybe it’ll be a fresh start. He’s acting like his old self – I think. At least different and less of an asshole, but --”

“It’s Johnny – he’s always an asshole.” 

Melanie sighed and groaned. “Oh yeah. But that’s his charm, I think. Anyway...That’s the final reason I wanted to see you. Let you know, mostly because I feel you deserve to.” 

“Thanks. Hope he gets that fresh start. Needs it after all the shit he’s been through. That I put him through. And I hope Canada is kinder to you. Heard it’s real nice up there. Got a friend in Oregon, and she loves the area. Says the weather’s nice. Maybe Canada’s the same. Somethin’ to look forward to.” 

“It is. Want me to drop you back off?” V shook her head, putting her hands in the pockets of her pants. 

“Nah. I’m gonna go home. Nearby. Just gonna walk.” 

“Be alone with your thoughts? I get it. See ya later, V.” 

V was sure they’d never see the other again, but it was a nice sentiment. “Good luck, Melanie. You’ll need it. Border crossin’ is tough biz.” A short wave, and V turned to walk away, heading over to Misty’s. 

It was a lie that Misty’s place was near, but Melanie was right that she needed to be alone with her thoughts. Learning that Johnny was headed to Canada was a shock to the system, if she put it lightly. But by the time she made it a few blocks, enough to clear her head, she was more happy than anything. Johnny skipping town, leading a new life, that seemed right. Like it fit the version of who he became now, and it’s not like she held out much hope she’d ever really see him again. 

Calling her car, seeing it roll up, she got inside, heading back to Misty’s, a short text sent to Vik to let him know she wasn’t returning for the day. Driving the streets of the city, V felt better about letting Melanie drive her to that little place, sure she might have actually killed her if she didn’t. Three narrowly avoided traffic accidents later, she was climbing the steps to Misty’s building, using the spare keys to go inside. Empty, she climbed up the little loft she slept in, not wanting to kick Misty out of the only room, but glad she had something of a space to call her own. 

Canada. Damn. Bastard’s finally gonna leave the city. And she didn’t have the urge to go and chase him – allowing him to be free. 

Someone was knocking on the door. A normal occurrence in this part of town, and V paid it no mind, going back to her thoughts. Fucking bastard was going to Can – 

“Go away! We don’t want shit, asshole! Ain’t covertin’ to any religion, and we definitely don’t got the eddies to pay for shit.” 

Groaning when the knocking didn’t stop, the distinct sound of metal on metal grating away at her sanity, V hopped down, looking through the peep hole, seeing if she needed to grab the gun she hid by the door behind Misty’s back. 

“Fuck...”

Opening the door, she realized the peephole wasn’t glitching out. That she really was seeing things correctly, no need to call Vik and ask him to look at her optics. And all she could do was run her mouth.

“Makin’ a house call ‘fore you fuck off to Canada?” 

“Somethin’ like that.” 

Breathing out a laugh, V just shook her head, letting him step through the doorway, closing it behind him. Like nothing had changed, he sat down on Misty’s couch, legs spread and arms over the back. And maybe Misty was right. She had come back to the starting line.

“So, Johnny, to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“Called on me, now I’m callin’ on you. If you’re willin’ to hear me out.” 

V sat down on the table in front of him, moving some of Misty’s things to sit. “I dunno – I’m a new person now. What’s to say I won’t tell you to fuck right off?” He laughed, shaking his head now. 

“Nothin’. But, I gotta do somethin’, and your the first person I thought of to help me.” 

“’Cause you know I know how important it’ll be to you?” 

“Mel said that gonk brain of yours was workin’ now. See she was right.” 

It felt silly, even childish, but V couldn’t stop smiling. After being apart for months, after learning to live with herself and learn ways to find who she was, seeing him now just made her so fucking happy in a way she couldn’t describe. It wasn’t desperate or needy, not even bittersweet. She was just…

Happy. 

And she was sure he was happy too – same smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who keep reading this little story :3 it really is something I'm enjoying writing, and I'm excited to show you all the conclusions in a few more chapters!!


	16. Maps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Pack up  
>  I'm straight  
> Enough_
> 
> _...._
> 
> _Made off  
>  Don't stray  
> My kind's your kind ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonks in love, I swear

Logically, the first thing they should have done was talk about the job. Discuss what he needed her for, but hell, she knew. Who better to smuggle something across a border than a Nomad who just ran across the NUSA with the guy almost a year back. But, that’s not what they discussed first. In fact, there weren’t many words exchanged past the ones said at the door.

When V finally stopped smiling like an idiot, she looked across at him. Wanted to see what difference time made on him. And she determined there were only a few things different, everything else mostly the same. For starters, he had a scar on his face from where she had to bandage him when they were in that motel room after the business with her father. His hair was getting long, and she thinks that no one is forcing him to cut it. Still, it feathered out just the same, just in longer strands. She could tell he got his tattoos touched up, darker ink where some of the black had been fading. And damn that smile. Could have killed her in an instant before, but now it was so much brighter. 

And she kept leaning in, trying to look for more differences. Johnny was too, abandoning his relaxed pose, arms taken from the back of the couch, leaning forward to put a strand of hair behind her ear. Shuddered breath at his touch, she never forgot what his fingers felt like. Never forgot what any of him felt like, and especially now when she thought about all the ways in which he touched her she knew her breathing picked up, licking her lips to try and remain composed. It must have been taken as an invitation, smirk on his face, eyebrow twitching, using the hand that tucked hair behind her ear to pull her forward into him. 

Frenzied touching, V climbing into Johnny’s lap, Johnny’s hands running up her sides and back, crashing into the other so hard that teeth clicked and noses squished into the other’s face, it felt like the first make-out session a teenager had. Two adults knew how to recover, though, and soon they kissed the other like they were built to do it. Fingers in his hair, she gripped it lightly, Johnny groaning into her mouth, him pulling her hips in. Bottom lip between his teeth, her favorite move, her opening her mouth with a gasp, and damn if he didn’t taste like home. 

Lowering her on the couch, he crawled on top, kissing beside her mouth first before he was back on her lips, only pulling back to look at her briefly, hands cupping her face. “Fuck I missed you, V.” Before she could respond he was back on her, only pulling back another time, enough for her to whisper a cut off “Missed you so --” and she was certain they didn’t need to breathe oxygen anymore. Only the other. 

Metal moved from her cheek to under her shirt, goosebumps on her skin from his hand tracing up her. It just rested under her breast on her rib, but damn did it feel amazing. The cool contrast on her quickly heating skin. And her hands were still in his hair, tugging at the roots ever so slightly, him already getting half hard from kissing her. Not that she wasn’t coming undone just the same, the sheer desire for him overtaking her completely. 

“Johnny...loft. Got a loft.” But he kissed down her neck, biting right under her ear and sucking, making sure his mark was felt. Closed lip moan, Johnny’s dark chuckle in her ear, and he just kissed the mark over and over again. 

“Right here’s fine for what I wanna do, princess.” Shirt pulled up more, he was hooking his fingers around the cup of her bra, planning on freeing her from its confines. In sync like always, they rolled against each other at the same time, breathy noises coming from them both as they knew where this was headed. 

“Hey, V! Back --” 

Blasted with liquid nitrogen, both were frozen. Johnny buried in her neck, V wide eyed and going into cardiac arrest. 

“Hey Johnny. Long time no see...I’m gonna go now.” Misty stepped back out of the apartment door, closing it and locking it, the sound of her shoes against the walkway as she was leaving the loudest sound V ever heard. Pushing Johnny off her, she fixed herself, face in her hands. 

“Didn’t even last five minutes. The fuck is wrong with us?” 

“Eh, I’m a horny bastard that would fuck anything that moved. Gotta be somethin’ wrong with you then.” 

Barking laughter from him, a small giggle from her, and she just shook her head, still in her hands. “Did we really learn anythin’ from bein’ apart? Jumped each other the moment we locked eyes for more than two seconds.” 

She could feel him shifting, likely adjusting himself, and he just sighed. “Last time was a moment of weakness – this time was a moment of weakness. Seems like the same, but damn did it feel different. Wasn’t as --”

“Desperate?” 

“Nope. Like fittin’ the final piece of the puzzle in. The real final piece. Not one we shaved the sides of to make it work.”

For once his little analogies made complete sense to her. It really did feel like she was fitting in that final piece. On her own two feet now, and now he was walking beside her. Hand in hand instead of taking turns piggy backing off the other. She doubted the love he felt for her ever disappeared, much the same as hers for him never went away, but it didn’t hurt this time. Didn’t feel like some guilty pleasure that she knew she couldn’t have. 

“So then what made it a moment of weakness?” 

Taking her face from her hands, she looked at him, and he was back to reclining on the couch, head towards the bottom of her loft. “Was gonna save it...Do this,” waving his hand, he looked her way, “ya know us – some kind of proper way, I guess. After I asked for your help.” Now V barked out a laugh, and he chuckled.

“You? Do it some proper way? No, I wanna see this. You forget this happened – this hickey,” tapping the space behind her ear she smirked, “not from you. Gotta win my heart back, seein’ as it belongs to another.” 

“Fine. This stiffy I popped? Thinkin’ of some broad I fucked back in 2014. Nova tits – ass to boot. Compete with that.” Jumping up, almost too quick, Johnny walked towards the door, thumb of one hand hooked in his belt look, his metal one at his side as he swayed his hips. “Let’s delta. This place smells like weed and hippies.” 

“Should feel right at home then.” Standing up as well, she strolled into the kitchen, leaving Misty a note, both of apology and to tell her she’d be going out for the night. “So, where we headed?” 

“My place.” 

Rolling her eyes, V taped the note to the fridge, grabbing her holo, keys, and a jacket. “Thought you were doin’ this the proper way. Or is this the Silverhand ‘proper’ method, instead of some back alley fuck?” 

“Fuck off, princess. We’re talkin’ there ‘cause Mel’s gonna meet us in a few once I transport your ass. No time for anythin’ – ‘less you wanna do a quickie?” Punching his shoulder, V shoved him out the door, hoping it would wipe the shit eating grin off his face, but it didn’t. Just made it wider. 

“You know what,” locking the door she pocketed her keys, “think I might not go with you. Already sick of your shit.” Walking down the stairs, she saw the iconic Porsche parked in front of the building. Hopping into the passenger’s seat, V watched him slide in, turning the keys, and she immediately changed the radio station to Body Heat. “Payback. Made me listen to Samurai on loop. I call the shots now.” 

“You know what, get out. I’ll take my chances with border patrol.” But he didn’t change it, nor did he reach over and open the door of the Porsche. He just kept driving, and the companionable silence that followed made V keep that smile on her face. But, she had a few questions to ask before Melanie showed, no longer able to enjoy a silence shared by him.

“Melanie didn’t come on her own, did she?” 

“Think she woulda listened to me if I had asked her to check on you?” 

“Met her one time, Johnny. Don’t know her.” V looked at him, looked at the metal arm on the steering wheel, the other on the center console, and she had the urge to hold his hand, ignoring the little promise they made to each other. Instead, she just ran her fingers over the tattoo of the lily on his arm, the new addition he kept. “But, I’m guessin’ you didn’t by that response.” 

His skin prickled under her touch, and she thinks that might be the first time she felt him get goosebumps. He wasn’t necessarily a sensitive person, so she had to wonder if the last time he was touched this intimately was almost a year ago. “She didn’t go in blind. Had to tell her where you were, but she was just curious to see if you’d changed. Her idea to bring you along, actually. I was content with lettin’ you keep spreadin’ your wings. But she said you seemed happy. That you didn’t talk about yourself as much. Said you were thankful that we parted ways, ‘least for a while.” 

Unsure of where to put her hand, now that she didn’t want to pull it away, she left it on his forearm, resting it there as she spoke. “Ya know, it’s funny – I was happy. Felt a little bit empty, but I was happy. Had plans to find a legit job in the city, find a place to live, and just stay. Realized life on the road was just an excuse for me to run from myself. Misty helped, of course. But, it was mostly me. And your parting words...What made you feel ready to talk to me?” 

He kept focusing on driving, but his face went on a journey from smiling to straight lipped. “Said it at Misty’s – I missed you. Back way back when, I figured you’d always be there with me. Have someone who truly understood me and didn’t hate everythin’ about me. Not that I wasn’t happy – I was. I am. But what’s that happiness if I can’t share it with the one person I wanna share it with?” 

V nodded, understanding that completely. “And now you’ve got this gig that means a whole lot to you. The perfect excuse to pull me back in. Confess your undying love on the road together, unsure of where we’ll go next. Gotta say, Johnny, never pegged you as the romantic type.” 

“Screw you.” She could tell her tried to hide his joy behind those words, but everything about his body language was giving him away. 

“Still, what makes you so sure I’ll go with you? Maybe I’m a little too happy here.” 

That made his face fall, taking the opportunity to look at her when the light turned red. “I don’t know. Scares me fuckin’ shitless – but it’s your choice. And if you’re that happy I’m not gonna rip that from you. Just gotta tell Mel so that she knows.” 

Squeezing his forearm, she shook her head. “Not gonna make you beg. Don’t worry – I’m all in. Doesn’t matter what I gotta do. I wanna share my happiness with you too. When I heard you were goin’ to Canada, I was a little hurt. Sad. Didn’t want you to go ‘cause I was still holdin’ out hope you’d show up at Misty’s and ask me to come back. Shit, guess that’s what happened, so hope warranted – but right before you knocked I was on this little mental journey of bein’ happy you were finally feelin’ free enough to leave.” Green glow before them, and Johnny turned to drive. 

“Felt it, ya know. ‘Fore Mel called me, told me she met you for lunch. ‘Fore I even gave her how to find you. Part of me is still connected to you, I think. Don’t think I can really remove it. So I felt how happy you were.” 

“Think I felt your happiness too. Woke up one mornin’ and realized that I was alright. Things were fallin’ into place, and I started thinkin’ of you again without getting pissed off or sad. Misty told me we take the term ‘soulmates’ to whole ‘nother level. And damn she might be right.” Giving his forearm a light smack, she leaned back in the seat, arms crossed, Silverhand smug grin on her face. “But don’t think you’re gettin’ outta tryin’ to win me back. I wanna see how you plan to do it.” 

“Heh, jokes on you. Mel’s not meetin’ us at my place. This was a rouse to get in your pants.” She punched his shoulder again, but when he had to swerve back in the lane, she looked away before his met his glare. 

Car parked, packed in the elevator, V waved to Wilson and Coach Fred, both not stopping to talk as she was with Johnny this time. Climbing the stairs, V trailed behind him, watching as he opened his arms for Melanie to give him a hug, already waiting there for them both. Hell, she even pulled V into a hug, and V was assured in her gut feelings again. She liked Melanie. 

Door open, V whistled, looking around the place. Finally rid of her things, her memory, he made the place his own. Still kept her posters up, but there was small table with two chairs by the door, a set of electric burners on there, likely where he got Melanie to cook. The couch had clothes all over it, but she still saw the throw pillows placed there. New bedding, the others left in Atlanta, it looked cozier. More lived in and less like a place he was forced to return to when he had nowhere else to be. 

“Jesus Christ, Johnny. Do you ever clean if I’m not over? Nice to see you again, V!” First thing Melanie did was collect his laundry, giving Johnny a free space to lounge, taking up most of the couch as he lied down on it. V just went about making coffee, figuring it was early enough in the day to have another cup. Maybe she was addicted to caffeine, but hey who was she to care? 

“Nice to see you, Melanie!” Coffee pot brewing, she grabbed three mugs, thankful she knew how to prepare all of them. 

“Just ‘Mel’ if you don’t mind! Figure if you’re here then you’re in on the plan.” Johnny snorted at that, kicking his boots off and letting them fall. Melanie threw one of his shirts at him in frustration at the act, picking it up and the boots to place them by the door. “And you’re on thin fucking ice, Johnny. Might just leave you and only take V. More polite than you.” 

He flipped her off, V laughed, and Melanie gave a warning glare to V. “Or both. I’m leaving both. Take my chances.” Empty threat, she took the mug of coffee that V made for her, V taking Johnny to him, sitting on the coffee table to avoid being too close to Johnny right now. 

“So, got a plan to get to Canada? Resources? A decent vehicle? Gonna need a place for Mel’s mom to stay and --” 

“Two fuckin’ weeks worth of provisions,” Johnny put one finger up, each thing he listed off making another come up, “places to sleep, camping cookware, and medicine enough to fuckin’ heal the damn Union Army. We know. And we asked Rogue for help again. Gettin’ all your specs, I’m sure.” Sitting up enough now to drink his coffee, Melanie sat beside him nodding as he spoke. 

“Honestly, we really need you because you’re the one person who can navigate to Canada in the first place, and get past the border patrol for each state. Not to mention you have knowledge about how to actually survive if we get screwed over real bad.” Melanie’s voice was a lot more serious than Johnny’s, but he didn’t continue to be a dick, meaning this was the part that was important. “Technically, you’re smuggling us all out. My mom’s papers can’t be updated, Johnny doesn’t even have them, I’m sure you’re only up to date because you have to be, and I’m wanted throughout the city.” 

That took V by surprise, scrunching her face. “Uh, how are you wanted across the damn city? No offense, but you don’t seem like the trouble makin’ type.” 

She deadpanned, blonde hair flipped back over her shoulder. “I hack into government and corp databases to steal trade secrets, selling them to rival parties. I was stuck in an apartment for years, and I wanted revenge on Brigitte. Learned the one skill that might help me. Tried to target VDB spaces first, but ended up not being able to crack it, so I just started stealin’ data to make money. Where’d you think I got the eddies to put a hit out on Brigitte?”

Jaw dropped, V must have been looking at her like a dead fish for too long, Johnny’s fingers pushing her chin up to close her mouth. Composing herself, she asked the first thing on her mind. “Netrunnin’ a family hobby?” 

“Told ya, V. Connected with her almost instantly.” And now she could see why. If she didn’t know where Alt’s soul really was, she would have become a believer in reincarnation. “But she’s no Alt. Completely different person – completely different style. Up to date on how to get past Night City’s finest?” 

“Night City’s, sure. Every other free city or state? The damn Canadian border? Mel, I’m fuckin’ lucky you know how to hack into shit, ‘cause we’re gonna need that. Every state has a different process they use to check people comin’ in and out. Not to mention Canada doesn’t let people in without explicit corpo permission. Gonna need information on how each one operates a little ‘fore we get there so I’m not taken by surprise. Netrun on the fly – but I’m sure that’s doable.” Melanie nodded, setting her mug down, taking out her holo to make some notes. “When we leavin’?”

“A week. Gotta finish one more of mom’s treatments before we dip. Enough time for you to sort out your stuff, V?” Holo set down, Melanie waited for V’s answer. 

“More than enough time. Not many things to take care of, and it’s more time than I gave Johnny when I asked him to help. ‘Preciate that.” Melanie nodded, smiling at V before she rose from the couch. 

“Welp, got what I needed. You two have fun. Though, I expected a little more restraint from you, Johnny.” Tapping behind her ear, Melanie smirked, waving goodbye as V’s hand flew up to cover the mark, ears on fire, Johnny just laughing his ass off. “Toodles!” 

Door shut, Johnny continued to laugh until V kicked him lightly. “Quit laughin’! Fuckin’ asshole. You know I gotta go in and see Vik! He’s gonna see this!”

“Lighten up. Mist prolly already told ‘im what’s up. And you’re a grown ass adult – what’s a hickey or two among chooms?” 

V groaned, drinking the last of her coffee, smiling behind the mug. “You’re the worst. So, a week. Got some time.” 

“Yeah, time I’m usin’ to get shit in order for Rogue. Hate to break your heart again, but this’ll be the last you see of me ‘til we’re on the road. Though, humor me for a minute. It’s 2077 – I’m not some ticking time-bomb in your head, and you’re still you. What would you say to dinner?” 

“Hmmm. It’s 2077? You still Johnny Silverhand in this scenario? Like, I know you, and know you well?” 

He nodded, shrugging his shoulders. “Sure, why not.” 

“Then I’d tell you to shove it – try and get your dick wet somewhere else. Bastard that you were, woulda tried to finger me under the table if you didn’t shove my face in your dick first.” Laughter broke out between them, Johnny’s so damn loud the neighbors started banging on the walls. “But 2081 Johnny? If he was askin’ me to dinner? Well, then I might say yes.” 

“Good. Take a rain check, though. No scratch or time.” V scoffed, because of course she fell for his stupid little trick. Typical. Was she even sure he changed? Yeah, she was. But his core was still there and would always be. And damn if she didn’t love him for who he was. Getting up, V took his coffee mug, checking the time. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to this then.” Holo in her hand, looking at the time on the screen, she turned back to him. “Gonna stop by Misty’s when you’re ready for me?” 

Blue flash of his eyes, holo pinging, and Johnny’s contact was back in her phone. “Nah, I’ll call. Gonna pick up when I do?” V felt that empty hole filling in more and more, happy to see his little cheesy contact picture, because of course it was still an edited version of the Samurai logo. 

“Of course.” 

“Nova. Now scram. Got shit to do.” Waving her off, V just ignored it, placing the mugs in the bathroom sink, likely where he did his dishes. Hanging there on the mirror was her bullet pendant, and she smiled. He looked at it each morning if he put it there.

“Hey...so you know, still have your tags. Rogue fished ‘em outta my truck when she gathered all my shit outta it when she rescued us. Keep ‘em tucked away so they don’t get lost.” She remained in that bathroom, speaking loud enough for him to hear, but she didn’t want to face him while she spoke. 

“Saw where you put ‘em when you were livin’ in that truck. Tucked under your damn pillow. The fuck were they – a good luck charm?” Callous sarcasm, but she knew it was just covering up some emotion. God knows what was buried under it. 

“When’d you find ‘em?” 

“First day of the journey. Lookin’ for food...Found my damn jacket and tags. Thought you tossed ‘em both when you left.” Daring to walk out of the bathroom, Johnny was turned away from her, facing the window. 

“Explains what got you to climb in the cab with me...Coulda never done that, though. Mean too much to me.” 

“The objects or what they represent?” 

“Both, I figure. But, if I gotta pick which one I’m keepin’, then I choose who they represent.” 

Johnny laughed again, a little cold, but that might have just been the only way he could laugh if he wasn’t throwing his head back. “Gotta say V, never pegged you as the romantic type.” 

“Alright, fuck off. I’m leavin’.” At the door, she turned again to look back, seeing him look at her. “Thanks for keepin’ the bullet. Means...the same thing to me.”

Smiling, she waved, and he waved back. Leaving the building the same way she came in, V waved goodbye to Coach Fred and Wilson, heading to the street to call her car. Waiting for it to pull her up holo rang, laughing at who was calling her.

“Changed my mind – got time for dinner the night ‘fore we leave. You down?” 

“Changed your mind, or got hard again?” Silence on the line, and V just sighed. “Sure. Just message me the detes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we get to finish this little journey back where it began - on the road.


	17. Easy Lover (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She's an easy lover  
>  She'll get a hold on you, believe it  
> Like no other  
> Before you know it, you'll be on your knees ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BOTH POSTED SOONER AND HAVE A DIFFERENT OUTCOME BUT NO. MY FRIENDS ENABLE ME

She had to admit – this was pretty damn weird. The last time she went on a date like this was back in 2073, when she was still with the Bakkers and an old childhood friend tried to woo her. Made her get dressed up, took her to the city, only to realize shit was a lot more expensive than he realized, leaving them at a Buck A Slice stand in fancy clothes. V hoped he was doing well, always having been a real sweet kid. Past that, no one ever thought to take her on proper dates. Shit with River was just strange, and Judy’s date with her ended in disaster, along with a rather awkward one night stand. No one asked her to dinner, no one called her an hour before they arrived, asking her if she was allergic to pollen, muttering ever curse known to man when she said she was, and certainly no one knew to tell her not to wear her quote “gonk ass street outfits that make you look like you still kill for a livin’,” because she certainly would have. 

When Johnny said he’d do this right, she supposed he meant it. Meaning she had to put just as much effort in. 

He told her she didn’t have to be fancy, so she just settled for a nice top and nice pants, neither ripped nor bought from a street vendor. Misty was doing her makeup, and she had done her hair for the first time since their heist to get Lundee at that weird sex party she still has nightmares of. Hanging loose around her, she wasn’t putting it up again if she could help it. Not for a while longer. 

“Alright honey, should be good. Need some perfume?” Misty packed away their supplies, and V hopped off the bathroom counter, looking at her work. They’d likely not see each other for a while, if ever if they stayed in Canada, so she let Misty indulge in some girl time. Doesn’t matter how old one is, it’s just nice to be able to hang out in a bathroom and do someone’s makeup. 

“Got my own, but you can spray it on me if it’ll make ya happy.” V fished out her bottle, holding it up, Misty taking it and spritzing it on her. 

“It did. Thanks, V. Leavin’ tomorrow – it feel bittersweet?” Now it was Misty’s turn to sit on the counter while V finished, putting in some nicer earrings in place of the little studs she normally wore for practical purposes. 

“This time it really does. Like what I had goin’ here, but Johnny has some good timin’, I’ll give him that. Had he come a day later or a little sooner I wouldn’t be doin’ this. Gonna miss you if we don’t end up comin’ back to the city. Gonna miss Vik, too, but I think if I told ‘im that to his face he’d cry.” 

“Yeah, he probably would. But, you should still tell him.” Fixing some of her hair again, she looked at Misty’s back reflected in the mirror. She was hunched a little, the pose she wore when she was slightly sad. “What’s the likelihood of you two stayin’ up there?” 

Pausing to think, V bit the inside of her lip, trying hard not to ruin her lipstick. “Honestly? I dunno. Johnny and I haven’t talked much on it, but we have some time to, ya know? We’ll be on the road, so not like we could talk ‘bout much else, other than what we’re doin’. Might talk over it tonight too. Dunno what that gonk has planned.” 

“Well, no matter what you decide I know it’ll be the right choice for you. You’re a lot more capable now than you ever were. Told you that realigning your chakras would do you good.” Misty winked, hopping back down when V was finished with everything. V still doubted that chakra shit, though, but like Jackie she would humor Misty. Cherished Misty enough to do that. 

Waiting around a little more, she got a text from Johnny saying he was outside, waiting for her in the car. Checking everything, kicking the toes of her boots so that her feet fit in them better, and she turned to Misty again. “I’ll prolly be back here ‘fore I leave. Tell you a proper goodbye.” 

“I know, and I look forward to it. Have fun tonight honey.” Waving, V stepped through the door, running down the stairs to see that damn Porsche parked there, smug bastard leaning against the hood with his arms crossed. He was in slacks, a button up with the sleeves rolled up past his forearms, and his hair pulled back into a low pony tail. Nothing fancy, but he made it work so well. 

“So, outfit to your standards?” She spun around for show, and all he did was scoff. 

“Dug that shit offa some corp’s corpse? Real nice – too nice for you.” But he opened the door for her, letting her step inside his car. The corny actions and his biting words felt like fire and ice the way they contrasted each other, but damn. This felt pleasant. 

Strangely normal, even the car ride had that first date awkwardness, even if these two knew everything about the other, inside and out. But the longer they drove, the more V started to wonder where the hell they were even going. 

“Alright, where are you takin’ me. Far as I know there’s no restaurants out this way. Shit, nothin’ but houses, so unless --”

“Fuckin’ Christ V, can you ever let a fuckin’ mystery remain? Hell, I know you can’t, but just let me have this will ya?” He seemed jittery, nervous, like he really was taking her on a first date and didn’t know her well. It was cute. 

Though, that was the thing. Johnny being cute felt weird. Normal for them meant picking fights and taking blows below the belt – hurting the other until they broke down and admitted what was really bothering them. This was sweet, and damn it made her feel like she didn’t deserve it all over again. 

But, she grew past that. Knew her worth in some strange way, and when she reached over to grab the hand that was always resting somewhere, never gripping the wheel as he drove, she laced their fingers together, thumb rubbing circles on his hand. 

“Mean this much to you? To have somethin’ normal like this together?” 

“It does, yeah.”

“Alright. I can dig it...Just seems outta place, ya know?”

Tight lipped, he seemed to really be considering his words here, like if telling her the truth would break the illusion all over again and they’d be in that hotel bathroom, screaming about all the destruction they’ve caused and the lives lost on their account. “I don’t do dates – think they’re a waste of fuckin’ time and money. But chicks always seem to want ‘em. And I want somethin’ different than us just bein’ shitheads to the other.” 

“Okay, yeah I know that about you. Had this whole talk before the date with Rogue. So then why give this to me? Even if you want us to be nicer to the other, you don’t have to go all out on a date.” 

“First, not takin’ you to some place where they underpay the wait staff and treat the workers like shit. Conscious clear there. Second, I wanna talk about things and I’m thinkin’ this might be the best way to do it. Third...I’m willin’ to compromise my ideals for you every now and then. Make it seem like you’re not on a date with some washed up rockerboy.”

“Oh really? Willin’ to buy an Arasaka security system for our McMansion out in the hills?” That lightened the mood, earning her a laugh and a snort all in the same breath. “But yeah...This is really nice, and this is somethin’ that I want. So we’re clear, if we wanna take things further than just coexisting in the same space when this is all said and done, won’t force you on another date.”

“’Preciate it. ‘Cause the fact I had to ask for this was real fucked.” She was confused all over again, until it clicked where they might be going. Laughing, she understood now why Johnny was really compromising a lot to make this happen. 

“Oh man, Johnny. C’mon – dinner at Kerry’s? That’s our date? What, he gonna play us some live music?” When he pulled his hand from hers, driving with both hands so she couldn’t grab it and hold it, she laughed, knowing he damn well got Kerry on board to play them some music. “Oh, Johnny!” She may have still been laughing, but she was touched. Almost like he knew what she wanted in a perfect date. 

When he parked the car in the driveway, she could tell he was agitated by her laughter, but when she stopped him from storming off, pulling him into a hug and swaying back and forth, he stopped acting dramatic. “Seriously, thank you. Know you actually did a lot to do this for me.” 

“Whatever, princess. Just get inside.” 

Breaking the hug, a chipper “yes sir!” as she saluted him, following one of Kerry’s people, she turned to look back to see him watching her, just hanging back for whatever reason. Maybe to have it seem like a real first date with someone she didn’t know every secret of. Led through the house, she looked upstairs to catch a brief glimpse of Kerry, V flipping him off and Kerry giving it back, their usual greeting. Through the glass doors that led to the back area, there was a little table set up there, just for two, and V’s chair was pulled out for her to sit in. Wine poured for her, whiskey in a glass in front of her for the missing man, she thanked the guy as he walked away. 

“Hey!” Kerry’s voice brought her to look over above her, seeing Kerry sitting on the upper veranda of the villa. “Gonna be playin’ shit – not gonna listen to your sappy date talk, but if you two fuck on my property I’m callin’ the cops!” 

“Won’t do that to ya, Ker! We’ll fuck in the woods right outside the property line! Can’t touch us then!” 

“Fuck you!” Disappearing behind the railing, the soft guitar music started, and she smiled. Damn this was corny, like some movie set up, but fuck. Fuck she was so happy. 

Time apart made her appreciate this. If things had worked out like she thought, where she confessed it all and let love, or the abstract concept of it, help her through her shit, she wouldn’t be sitting here now, understanding the effort on both parts it took to get here. Sure, Johnny was still pulling most of the strings and doing most of the work, but she wasn’t just expecting him to. He was doing this because he felt he had to, either. He wanted to, and she would pay him back. No more dates, though, she promised that. She’d care for him, just as he cared for her. Pay him back in equal fold. 

Metal and flesh covered her eyes, and V just took another sip of her wine, not even batting an eye at the action. “Guess who.” 

“Hm. River?” 

“Fuckin’ hate you, you know that?” Removing his hands, he sat down in front of her, one hand on the table and the other resting on the back of the chair. Sitting normally might actually kill him. 

“Awww, and here I thought we were finally gettin’ along. Shame.” 

Staring across the table at the other, they missed the man coming back, placing candles on the table, lighting them with the click of the lighter. Johnny jumped first, and while terrified herself, V reached over across the table, holding the hand rested there. Poor guy serving them didn’t know why these two were suddenly jumpy as shit, but he got the picture. Leaving them in the candle light, he walked off. 

“Breathe, Johnny. It’s alright...Still hate the sound too?” 

“Get nightmares all the time...” Finally sitting normal, he picked up the whiskey and sipped it, setting it down so he wouldn’t warm it in his hand. “Some of ‘em where they got you, others of just watchin’ that fucker talk to you like that, some where when we made it to that motel room Smasher busts through the door and takes your head clean off. They’ve slowly started replacin’ the ones I had before.”

Sipping her wine, she nodded, stem of the glass between her pointer and thumb, swirling it so the liquid almost touched the rim of the glass. “Know what you mean. Stopped havin’ mine ‘bout Jackie and the day I died. Now it’s just him...You. Worst one is where you fall from the ‘copter and I don’t go back for you. Once I had one where you died that night I found you outside the room. Guessin’ you’re not smokin’ anymore, though.” 

“Tryin’ to find a bright side there? That’s not it. Bright side is your gonkbrain plan didn’t flatline us. And it gave me the foresight to make Mel plan our trip out well in advance so that we avoid that shit entirely.” Another sip of the whiskey, he shifted their hands so he was holding hers instead of the other way around. “Bright side is it forced us both to face the damn music.” 

“That it did.” She didn’t know if this was proper date conversation, but who really knew with them. It wasn’t a day between the other if they weren’t rehashing old trauma. Still, the atmosphere was nice, Kerry’s music soothing the old wounds, making Johnny seem somehow more romantic as he kept sipping his drink, looking at her as he did. Flawlessly handsome in every way. “Speakin’ of the plan with Mel, everythin’ good for the meetin’ with Rogue tomorrow?” 

“Been good for that for a while – I just had to scrape up a few more eddies for some extra shit I wanted. Nah, the part of this that needs discussin’ is with you, and just you.” 

“Alright, shoot. All ears.” 

Their food came out, and damn if Kerry’s staff didn’t know a good meal. Nothing synthetic on the plate. Taking a bite of something, god knows if she really knew, she was pretty pleased with the flavor. But fucking Christ did she not know what she was eating. 

“Not gonna force you to leave the city for good when this is over. Dunno what I’ll be doin’ either. You offered me one last gig with you, and that’s what I’m offerin’ too. Said you found yourself and your happiness here – not right of me to rip that from you without givin’ you the chance to decide for yourself.”

“Fair enough. Gave you the same option, as you said. One last gig, and we go from there. Guessin’ that means with us that’s the same? Let things go naturally, see where we land?” Fuck she was convinced she’d never eat synthmeat again after tonight. Real steak? So much damn better than the fake stuff. “Got a lot to prove to you as well, so you can --”

“Got nothin’ to prove to me, V. Think you already did by just not rollin’ back out to the Badlands and cuttin’ everyone off when we parted ways like I thought you would. But yeah, we’ll make the call when we drop Mel and her mom off. Wanna know that this is really what’s right for both of us – not just us thinkin’ with our dicks.”

“You think with your dick, not me. But yeah, slow and steady. See what the heart wants and all that jazz.” Plates finished and taken from them, a bowl of fruit and cream placed in front of them, sweet music from Kerry Eurodyne filling her ear, and she was pretty sure she knew what her heart wanted. Damn sure. But, he wanted one last gig, and she would give it to him. 

“Johnny...”

“Hm?” 

“I’ve never had this kinda fruit before.” 

He nodded, popping a piece in his mouth. “Yeah. That’s why I asked Kerry to pull some strings and get us some. Know how much you like tryin’ weird shit. Now eat some so we can bounce. Gotta get you home in a timely manner.” 

“What? You think Vik’s gonna come knockin’ at your door, askin’ why I’m not home at 11 PM like ya promised?”

“Shut the fuck up and eat your fruit.” 

One piece in her mouth, and it was more sour than she expected, making Johnny laugh at her face. “Here,” and put a piece of strawberry on his fork, passing it over the table for her to try. Eating from his fork, she winked at him, making him roll his eyes. “Like it, V?” 

“The view or the fruit? ‘Cause I got two things I like in my senses right now. And I’ve had a strawberry before, gonk.” 

He groaned, taking his hand back and rubbing both of them over his face, but not fast enough that she didn’t see the slight flush to his cheeks. Both finished with their meal, Kerry telling them to fuck off because he’s tired of playing guitar, and V stood from her seat, Johnny’s hand helping her up like some kind of gentleman. Back in the Porsche, it was another long drive, but V didn’t mind. Sitting outside of Misty’s in the car, both of them unsure of how to part for the night, something so sweet about that little date, and V was certain she didn’t want it to end. 

“Had a nice time. Even if we just sat there talkin’ about heavy shit. First time I really got to talk about it without Misty tellin’ me some spiritual shit or Vik sayin’ it was gettin’ to be too much.” Hand on his thigh, he took it in his own again, fingers locked together, a perfect fit. 

“Fuckin’ hate dates. Gotta say – didn’t feel like one. Nah, felt like when we would go to the fuckin’ stalls outside of your place, or end up at some shitty little mom and pop diner when we were so hungover we could barely move. Might need to redo it. Didn’t hate the night at all, so I dunno if it counts.” 

“Oh? That so? Date’s not over yet. Ain’t through the door.” 

Johnny just sighed, stepping out of the car leaving her hand cold. Opening the passenger side door, he helped her out of the car, V closing it with her hip as she leaned against it, not wanting to walk up the stairs just yet. “Nothin’ else to pull outta your sleeve?”

“Nope. Just gotta get you up the stairs.” 

“Then let’s go.” 

The city moved around them, cars racing past, people walking in and out of the little complex, the wind picking up slightly and making V shiver just a tad from the sudden and brief drop. Marble statue of a man, carved from stone from the finest quarry, his features nor his stature changed. And she, caught admiring its craftsmanship, was awestruck by just how wonderful those chiseled features looked, such care taken to create each line. Ninth wonder of the world standing before her.

“V, it’s gettin’ late. We have an early morning.” 

“We do, yeah...” 

Hair pulled back, she could see more of his face, and it just proved to make it harder to step away. Shirt riding up a little in the back, shiver up her spine from the cold contact once more,-  
likely getting skin prints on the windows of his precious car, and he didn’t make a move to take her away either. Holding out for one moment longer. 

A step, but not away. A step, but not back. The idea that they should be doing this in some predetermined way, take it like most people do and plant a kiss on the cheek of their desired in the doorway of their house, flashed through her, but it wouldn’t be her and Johnny if they weren’t unconventional. Right hand on his bicep, and she saw the heart with “Johnny + V” permanently marked there, and she never had any intention of getting it removed. His right hand cupping her face, and she saw that lily with her inside, a drunken decision, but she knows it means something to him. Symbolic and ridiculous as ever. 

Fourth kiss, and damn V could never get used to this. Always feeling her lungs suck in air the moment they touched. This time she focused on his hands, one on her cheek and the other on her hip, pressing her against the car even more from the weight of his body. Her own clutching at his shirt, one of the buttons coming undone from being pulled slightly, and he was kept to her. The hand on her hip left her, car door handle taken in it, and he moved from her to throw open the car door, and V took the cue to jump back inside. 

Every plan she ever made never went like it was supposed to. Konpeki Plaza, Mikoshi, Atlanta, and now their determination to try and take things slow, all coming unraveled at the seam, taken to places she didn’t foresee. When she let Misty spray that perfume, she didn’t realize Johnny would be complimenting it as he stripping her of her shirt, reclining the front seat of the Porsche after parking it in some deserted alley. That his nice shirt would be ruined yet again, V impatient with the buttons and tearing it off him, throwing it away into the void of the car. 

Vulgar noises from them both, body heat making the window next to her fog, and V was gripping his hair again, pulling it from the hair tie and letting it curtain her face as they drank in the other. Pants removed in haste, lost in the floorboards, fingers buried inside her once until she was wet and stretched enough for him go inside, and V couldn’t blame herself for letting things get the better of her once more. 

At least now, when she was faced with the reality of her failed plan, legs wrapped around his hips, skin on skin as he thrust inside her, she could say out of all the failed plans she was the most happy about this one. Nearing her peak, she cried out, loud enough to be heard outside of the car, hand pressed to the fogged window, streaking a print down it, allowing any passerby to see what state she was in. 

Johnny lying on top of her, panting, V lying on her back in the same state, they looked at the other as they tried to compose themselves. 

“Told you this was some rouse to get in my pants. To think I trusted you.” Punctuated with a kiss to his jaw, adding more to the lipstick smears all over any inch she could kiss, he chuckled, not making a move to get off her. 

“Wasn’t the plan, princess, and you know it. Was really gonna drop you back off.” Stubble tickling the inside of her neck, she giggled softly, wiggling to try and move away from it, leather of the seats creaking.

“Yeah, well now I gotta do the walk of shame back to Misty’s. Know I look a hot fuckin’ mess.” 

“Could always come back to my place.” Voice husky and deep, lips kissing her neck once again, and V was certain he would be the death of her once again. 

“Might be the best idea, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [OH MY GOD THIS FIC WENT FROM "here's a bunch of childhood trauma and codependency issues" TO "THERE'S NO ROOM TO FUCK IN THE PORSCHE"]
> 
> Taken directly from the groupchat I have with two other authors (sure people can guess which two skldfjkls) and these two BEGGED me for Porsche fucking. BEGGED. So here I am. Delivering because I'm LIKE THAT. We're getting back into the thick of it though. Their time as idiots will not detract from the overall story, and therefore mildly prep yourselves for that. Nothing like the first half though


	18. Fader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Bless this mess  
>  We tried our best, that's all that we can do  
> While the angels walk with the lonely ones  
> In the cold rain to rescue you  
> And this fable world's comin' down hard  
> The wall's comin' down hard on all our homes  
> So hold a hand for cover, hold a hand for cover  
> Hold a hand for cover from harm ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics for Fader popped into my head the moment I wrote this chapter. Just for the damn "bless this mess" line

_Terror. All consuming, dragging her down back into the depths of her mind, where all the mold and mildew clouded her judgment. She was back in the room, ever present click of the lighter going, Johnny struggling in that chair, her father’s twisted features so close to her face. White hot and burning, she and Johnny went up in flames, barbarous laughter echoing with their screams. ___

____

Choked noises, gasping for air, shooting straight up in the bed, sweat on her skin making her shirt cling to her uncomfortably. Same as it was almost every night, and V was used to this routine. She’d walk into the kitchen, hopping down from her loft, fill a glass with Night City’s shitty tap water, chug it, and go back to bed. “Fuuuuu...” uttered to the darkness, knowing it was the only thing she’d get out before her throat closed one more time, the images coming back to shake her.

____

Cheeks slapped to regain composure, she looked around, only just remembering she wasn’t at Misty’s. Beside her Johnny was sleeping. It wasn’t peaceful – it never was. The blue glow of the room made her think of him as engram again, both of them so close to death, and she felt a little sick. 

____

Knees pulled to her chest, she just sat there. Not her normal routine, but she wouldn’t wake Johnny for this. In a few minutes she’d be back to sleep, calmed and reassured that she was alive, nothing bad happening to them. Alone in her suffering, but she was assured that nothing bad was happening to him. Tucked under the covers, shirtless, little marks from her on his collarbone, his marks on her much worse than his. Memories of a few hours prior made her laugh a little, just for how quickly they failed at actually being a normal couple. Then again, a codependent corpse and her emotional support engram could never really be normal to begin with, even if they had grown past those roles. Previously, she figured everything would be too messy, too much for them both, no way to sort through all the emotions. Currently, it was still a hot mess, but not for the same reasons. 

____

Dominoes falling in a chain, Johnny was the next to come down, shooting up in the same manner she did, gasping for air and coated in sweat. His first reaction was to punch the little shelf next to him, likely also forgetting he wasn’t alone. Apprehensive, V whispered into the blue glow, not wanting to touch him, knowing from experience it never ends well. “Johnny...hey...” In fearful response, he turned around, immediately softening when he realized who spoke to him. “Oh, V.” He pulled her in, arms wrapped around her, lying back to that she was brought to his chest. 

____

“Forgot you were here...” 

____

“Don’t worry – woke up and thought I was at Misty’s. Nightmare?” He hummed and V’s cheek vibrated from it. Heartbeat racing, body shaking slightly, his nightmares were always so much more vivid than her own. No other way to explain why she could relive perfectly each horrible, horrible day of his life like it was happening right there. “But, nah. I’m here with you. Learned to deal with mine by chuggin’ water after – the taste helped me remember I was still alive.” A chuckle, and his arms just kept holding her tighter, releasing, then putting the pressure back – testing the waters to see if this was real, likely. “What’s your routine?” 

____

“’S stupid. Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Exhaustion – the kind that seeps into every bone, every cell, and makes the voice so much deeper and rough than it needed to be was certainly pervasive throughout Johnny’s body. V knew that voice well, especially as he groaned, trying hard to chase sleep. 

____

“If it helped it’s not stupid, but I won’t press it. Jus’ wanted to see if I could help.” Lips pressed to the top of her head, and she smiled. It was nice to know she didn’t need him to help get over this kind of stuff, but it was nice to share with him. Work herself down, and be reminded that everything was fine. 

____

“Helpin’ now. Shut up and go back to sleep. Annoyin’ when you wake up.” She didn’t take that personally, letting out her own little chuckle before closing her eyes, warm sun on her skin the only thing that made her open them again. The most rest she’d had in so long, she was groggy, early morning laziness making her wish for more sleep. Johnny’s warm body and arms still tightly around her weren’t helping, but when his holo went off, she knew they were done for. 

____

Tapping the screen, he grumbled something out, and V heard Melanie’s voice on the other end. “Morning! On my way in!” Adrenaline shot to the heart, V jumped up, trying to get out of bed, not wanting Melanie to suffer the same fate as Misty. Never as strong as Johnny, she was pulled back down, held against him, cheek back in a small puddle of drool on his chest, and she felt even worse knowing she drooled on him too. Though, if he cared he would have made some smartass remark about it. 

____

Swish of the door opening, and Melanie let out a hyena laugh, Nibbles finally appearing from some unknown corner to go and hide in another place, safe from the banshee that was in his presence. “It’s been a week! Thought you said your ‘master plan’ would happen after we crossed the border?” Johnny raised an arm off V, and while she couldn’t see it she knew he was flipping her off. “Good thing I made Rogue pack enough tents and bedding for the three of us. Don’t know you well enough, V, but I know Johnny, and I am not gonna listen to you two. Separate beds.” 

____

“What are you, my mom?” Now Johnny rolled V off him, flicking the drool from his chest away. “Not doin’ shit you ask me to.” Long limbs climbing over V, who now was covering her face with her hands, not wanting to look at Melanie, she heard him trudge to the bathroom. 

____

“Oh yes you are. Close the door, Johnny!” Jamming the button, the door slid closed, and Melanie just sighed, clearly so done with him. At least V wasn’t alone on that front anymore. “Morning, V.” 

____

“Hey…” 

____

“Don’t worry – brought breakfast for you too. Kinda figured you two would end up here when I called Johnny yesterday, asked him what he was doing for the night, and hit me with the ‘none of your fuckin’ biz, Mel.’” 

____

Sitting up in the bed, V pulled Johnny’s shirt down, trying to hide the fact she only had her underwear on underneath. “How’d that clue you in to what he was plannin’? Sounds like normal Johnny shit to me.” Coffee in hand, Melanie walking over to the couch, and Johnny sauntered out of the bathroom rummaging through the bag of food. 

____

“’Cause, every other day he was forthright with what he was up to. Regardless of how shady the gig was. Only other thing it could’ve been. Gonk.” 

____

Plopping on the bed next to V, he sat with his legs open initially, V closing them for Melanie’s sake because this man had no class, open legged sitting in just boxers. “Coulda just not wanted you to know that I was --”

____

“Ah! No! Don’t try and get out of this with some sarcastic remark. I was right,” Melanie waved a hand towards V, “clearly, so just drop it, asshole. We have to pack up and meet Rogue by noon. Both of you good for that?” 

____

“Bitch.” Johnny bit into his sandwich, V sipped her coffee, and the feigned tension between the two parties was rising, V just glad she didn’t have to use any brain power to argue with him this morning. “Talkin’ like it’s any of your biz who I stick my dick in.” 

____

“Johnny!” Both women said his name in such an exhaustive tone that it was scary how well it matched. “And it is my biz. I’m gonna be on the road with you two for however long it takes to get to Canada. My gig, my rules. Separate tents, and if I see either of you sneaking around I’m throwing you to the wolves.” 

____

“Kiss my ass, I’ll do what I want.” 

____

“No you won’t. See you both at noon!” Chipper demeanor back, Melanie took her leave, and V just sighed, already regretting the life choices that led her back on the road with rockerboy Johnny Silverhand. 

____

“Well, I better go back to Misty’s. Tell ‘er goodbye, then go say my partin’ words to Vik. And avoid Mel for a bit while she cools down.” She laughed a little getting up, stretching out her sore muscles. “Grab the shit I packed, then I’ll meet you back here?” 

____

“Sure. Might need your car over mine to get our shit to the Afterlife to pack the vehicle.” 

____

Collecting her clothes off the floor, V realized that if she was worried about the walk of shame last night, this might be even worse. Either she showed up, unshowered, in Johnny’s clothes or her clothes from last night. Smelling of sex and sleep. “Actually, gonna shower first. Know you don’t have my old clothes, so least I can do is shower to spare Misty the full experience.” 

____

“Of what? Her roommate comin’ back from a fun night. Jesus, V. You care too much about what people think. But sure, shower.” 

____

“And don’t join me.” 

____

He rolled his eyes dramatically, throwing his hands up. “Your loss, sweetheart. Won’t get any action on the road, might be our last chance.”

____

“Ha! You actually gonna listen to Mel? Oooooh, I’ll have to learn how she keeps you on the leash.”

____

“Know what – shower alone, losin’ interest in joinin’. Lost the privilege of a round three.”

____

“It would be four, Johnny. Quickie in the garage.” Making quick work of her shower, V got ready as best she could without her normal supplies, coming out of the bathroom to see Johnny fully dressed and ready. “You not gonna shower?” 

____

“Wanna know the answer?” 

____

“No, in fact I don’t.” Wearing his shirt and her pants, V grabbed her stuff to leave, firm smack on her ass making her whip around ready to kill him. But the look of absolute love and adoration on his face made her stop, smiling back at him, savoring this before he opened his mouth again. 

____

“Kinda hot seein’ you wear my shirt like this.” And there it was. Mood ruined, she took her leave, promising to be back soon. 

____

Making the rounds, she stopped by Misty’s place first, grabbing her packed things, tearful goodbye to her greatest choom and ally in the city. Finding no one greater or more worthy to help her on any journey of the soul she could ever go on. But, she promised to call like last time, and Misty knew she would. Stated something about doing a reading once she left, but V was trying hard not to cry again, missed the specific reason behind it. Next was Vik, and this goodbye was shorter. She did let him know she’d miss him, and maybe he didn’t cry in her presence, but he did hug her a little tighter than normal. Slipped her a few restocks of her medications, just in case, and sent her on her way. 

____

Back at Johnny’s, she called him this time, not wanting to risk going up there and delaying the trip any longer. They were playing fast and loose with time as it was, already close to 11 AM, and traffic in Night City still might make them late for their meeting with Rogue. Probably the reason he let her drive, making it there just shy of noon, if only because V knew which alleys to turn down for a shortcut. 

____

Afterlife doors opened to them, they strolled in, V stopping to actually say a hello to Claire before Johnny grabbed her hand, ushering her into the booth with Rogue. Pulling her down to sit next to him, V was just surprised he wasn’t sitting on the back of the couch like he normally did. Melanie was already there, seated across from them, silent and waiting.

____

“Well, V. You’re looking well, though I have to say I was surprised to hear you were joining this band of misfits.” Fingers snapped, Nix brought them the shards, one for each of them. “Then again, it seems you two always find a way back to the other.” 

____

“Actin’ like you were any different, Rogue.” Johnny’s arm came behind her shoulders, but V kept the space between them open, not wanting to have the queen herself disappointed in them for being overly affectionate. 

____

“Actually, it is different, but I’ll leave it there. We have business to discuss, and Melanie doesn’t need to hear about our past. Only the future in store for all of you. Slot the shards in.” All three doing as they were told, a familiar red display was shown, another map placed in front of V’s eyes. “Unlike your little trip to Atlanta – which was a disaster, by the way – this one is pretty straight forward. Only real trouble you’ll have is getting past the Oregon and Washington border patrol, as those states are guarded, seeing as they’re coveted spots for people to flee into. Won’t lie – havin’ V with you takes some of the stress off. She knows how to smuggle people and goods into a state, even with the cargo that you’re carrying. To help, I’ve provided a special vehicle – a replica of the truck you drove, V.” 

____

She didn’t mean to, but V let out a rather childish squeal, but no one in the booth paid it any mind. To have her truck back, or least a similar one to it, was a damn dream. “Unfortunately, I couldn’t reproduce the living quarters you had back there, but it’s your truck nonetheless. Pulled behind it, though, will be a camper, outfitted to keep Melanie’s mom stable. In addition, when it’s scanned, it will show that it’s a regular camper. V, if they suspect anything strange, you need to improvise. Full medical suite in there, though that means no room for another person to sleep. You three will be roughing it.” 

____

“Told them already, Rogue. They know they’re roughing it.” Melanie’s voice cut in, and Rogue made a hum of approval. 

____

“Good. V is probably fine, but Johnny will be miserable. Anyway, I have the road mapped out. Each stop listed must – and I mean must – be stopped at for various reasons. Some are border checkpoints, some are rest areas. All of which are needed to be sure that everyone arrives safely. Do not skip them – I refuse to come dig you all out of another hole.” V swallowed, knowing partly that it was her fault all that happened, and yeah. She didn’t want to be dug out of another hole, probably more than Rogue wishing she didn’t have to dig them out. Not in the slightest. 

____

“Other than that, you should have enough supplies for two weeks. I’m unsure what you two are planning once you make it across the Canadian border, but if you’re returning, please stock up on supplies. Want you there in one piece, want you to stay in one piece. And I don’t think my warning is unwarranted, considering what happened last time.” 

____

Shards slotted out and passed to V for safe keeping as always, she smiled at Rogue. “Thanks. Know it’s not my gig, but you always go above and beyond. My truck? Really?” 

____

“Like I said, it’s just a replica really. So don’t think too much of it. Just needed to have a vehicle that will get them there, maybe you two back, and if that thing could survive being buried under a decent pile of snow, it’s good enough to take actual roads, and get you through if things go sour again.” Somber look on her face, V just nodded, not going to deviate from this path again, learning her lesson there. 

____

“When Johnny said you were the best, he didn’t exaggerate. Guess I learned that from experience before, though. Still have to thank you for sendin’ in rockerboy here, even if he’s a pain in my ass. Well, my two mercs, we need to go and get my mom – get this show on the road.” Standing, Melanie flipped her hair back over her shoulder. Not waiting for them, she left the booth, leaving Rogue to talk to the other two. 

____

“I mean it – one piece. Physically and mentally. Things get too real you --”

____

“Rogue. Relax. Won’t let that happen again, and this ain’t some revenge scheme made up in the span of a week.” Johnny leaned forward, hand on Rogue’s shoulder. “Just one made up in two weeks. Means we’ll prolly flatline ‘fore we get there.” His lips twitched, and V knew he was pulling some shit on Rogue. Bad idea, but she knew it was his way of diffusing tension. 

____

Seemed to work, as Rogue pushed him away, scoffing at him. “Would you stop that? I’m serious – don’t get yourselves zeroed. I know this isn’t nearly as dangerous, and had I known everything before hand I wouldn’t’ve helped the first time, but I still don’t want you two getting hurt.” 

____

Standing, V gave her a thumbs up. “Promise, no funny business this time. Safe and sound, either back here or in Canada.” 

____

“I’d say I had faith in you, V, but I don’t. Combine those two gonkbrains of yours and make it there in one piece, alive, and without incident.” Sweeping her hand in the air, it was their cue to leave, Johnny squeezing her shoulder one last time before they walked out of the club, seeing Melanie waiting for them. 

____

“Let’s get my mom and delta. Gotta make good time, and the first departure time on the shard is in an hour. Taking V’s car? Truck’s parked at my place.” 

____

Johnny nodded, and V got in the drivers seat before she was shoved over in to the passenger’s side, Johnny taking over the driving. “As much as I love almost dyin’ each time you’re behind the wheel, it’s my turn to drive, princess.” 

____

Melanie got in the backseat, sitting in the middle seat between some of Johnny and V’s packed items. “You’re such an ass, you know that? I got us here on time, didn’t I? Would you have? ‘Cause I don’t think ya would’ve. So when we need to get on the road, get there on time, you gonna be the one drivin’? I think not, dick.” 

____

Shoved more, Johnny got in, glaring right at her. “Cunt.”

____

“Oh please tell me you two aren’t gonna be like this the whole way?” 

____

Turning to look at her, Johnny doing the same, they both raised one eyebrow, V’s right, Johnny’s left, looking like mirror images. “Like what?” asked at the same time, same tone of voice. Falling back into line, two people that mimicked the other when it felt natural. 

____

“Oh no...”

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, back on the road. Though this will not be nearly as long as the other trip. More about the Johnny and V banter and little moments of continued healing, Melanie an unwilling witness kdslfjkdsf


	19. Interstate Love Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Promises of what I seemed to be  
>  Only watched the time go by  
> All of these things you've said to me ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting my thanks up here, because I'm clowning in the end notes klsdjfklsdf. But!!! Thank you to all who are continuing to read this fic <3 it seriously makes my heart warm, and while it's humorous in this chapter, we're back to the drama by the next all the way until the end!

Leather steering wheel under her fingers, alone in the replica of her truck, V couldn’t help but breathe in that new truck smell, twisting her hands enough to make the leather of the wheel squeak. She had gotten the truck loaded, everything packed into the bed, camper hitched to the back, and damn did this feel good. People could joke all they wanted, but V swore there was such a thing has Nomad genes, and hers were in full swing right now. Elbow on the center console now, one hand on the wheel, and she waited for Johnny and Melanie to load her mom, the last thing they needed.

Melanie’s mom’s condition was explained to her, moments of clear thought followed by weeks of decreased activity, cyberware misfiring and running wild in her head. Something V could sympathize with if anything, and she’s glad she’s a part of this plan to get her some help. Movement in her peripherals, she turned to see Johnny and Melanie transporting a hospital bed floating above the ground. V completely understood why risking it to go to Canada was worth it. Melanie had her mother alive and she was willing to risk it all to make sure she got what was owed to her.

Loaded in the back, Melanie stayed back there for the first part of the trip, Johnny and V in the front, talking like they normally did. Border of Night City crossed without issue, no real need to check outgoing traffic (especially if V went through a specific lane, a friend of a friend waving her through), and they were on the road again, map from the shard displayed, and Johnny put on fucking Samurai once again, though he didn’t fight her when she changed the station. 

Johnny had rolled down the window, arm catching the wind as they passed by the rotten husks of long dead cities, rusted windmills passing them by, and they hit their first stop, letting Melanie do some work before deciding to join them in the cab. An unwilling witness to the insane ramblings of these two. 

“Maybe I’m a fuckin’ idiot, and according to you that’s highly likely, but I seriously don’t get why people can’t just update their damn software. I’m grateful that Rogue gave me this truck, but she and Panam are always two updates behind --”

“V, nobody fuckin’ cares about the latest software! What’s the point? I’m runnin’ my whole damn brain offa some shit we scraped outta the dumpster and gave to Vik. And the only reason I updated my shit was ‘cause you forced me to. You got the latest and greatest in upgraded cyberware, and your gonk head can’t even understand when I start discussin’ the simplest shit. Hemingway is easy, V. Fuck! He wrote a story about goin’ fishin’! Figured your hick ass would appreciate that.” 

V let out a frustrated “argh!” before her hand flew up to wave around in anger. “Oh my god! It’s been over two fuckin’ years since I read the book! Can you let that go!? And where was I gonna fish, huh!? How would I relate to it when I hadn’t seen a full body of water ‘fore I came to Night City? And newsflash, asshole, you can’t fish there!”

“See, this is what I mean! Software doesn’t mean shit if it’s inside --”

“Stop! Just stop!” Long fingers gripped the side of V’s seat, pulling Melanie forward to stick herself between them. “Is this what you two do all the time!? Can’t you just talk about something normal!?” 

Johnny was the one who gave her the confused look, more of his body leaning out of the open window to look at Melanie. “Sorry for not actin’ like I don’t know how to talk to my brain host. My bad! What’s acceptable topics of conversation, Mel? ‘Cause, you don’t exactly talk about normal shit either. Thought it was bad enough when V did Netrunnin’, but nah. You don’t shut up about it either.”

“Well it’s better than listening to the tenth rank about corporations in a day. We get it! They’re bad! They’re the reason we’re in this mess! But I don’t wanna hear about Arasaka all the time! Fuck, I know they’re dead now, but you’ll pick another target soon enough! Got one in mind, Johnny!?” Shrill voice in her ear, V stuck her pinky in, trying to relieve some of the pressure. For once in her life she was kind of glad her voice was little deep. 

“Actually, you know what, I do. You asked for it – here it is! I’m fuckin’ pissed as hell we’re going to Canada! Canada, Mel!? Really? You wanna know what fuckin’ happened the collapse!? Check this --”

“Mel, no! What did you --”

“V! I’m so sorry --” 

Prisoners. Sealed off from the world, and Johnny was off again. Two hours in, and V was ready to strangle Melanie for even bringing this up. She felt she was going to pull her hair out. Long rants about how Canada became the world’s bread basket. How corps flocked there to set up shop in a place that had such a small population that they weren’t hit as bad. 

“We gotta fuck up a corpo border check, fuck with some corpo databases, fuckin’ suck the dick every man in charge of that damn country – all so we can some treatment they’re hoardin’ from the rest of the world. Leave it to a corp to drain the world of its resources, hold it all in one fuckin’ country, and then deny access to the people wantin’ to get in to get a little taste! See, this was what I was talkin’ about! I saw the signs back then right when the shit was happenin’ and Canada sealed itself off from the US. Not that we weren’t accused of biowarefare – which happened, and I have proof – but you think that’s right!? I don’t! And if I’m forced to stay in that damn country I’m gonna treat it the same as I did ‘Saka!” 

Defeated, V was on the verge of tears, Johnny not listening to any pleas to stop. In place of Arasaka he decided the Canadian government was his new enemy. And it’s not like he was wrong to hate them, all his points were correct, like they usually were, but he beat a dead horse until a new one took its place to beat over again. If someone handed him a notebook and a guitar, she was sure Kerry Eurodyne would be releasing some new, undiscovered, Johnny Silverhand solo album, all about the ills of Canada. 

“V,” whispered in her ear by Mel, “how long until we stop?” 

“Another hour,” whispered back, met with a high pitched whine, Melanie throwing herself onto the seat in the back. 

Longest hour of her life, even considering the hours of silence between them when they weren’t on speaking terms. How many times could a man talk about the Wasting Plague, climate change, or the collapse of the US government, all culminating in Canada taking over the world market in terms of food production? 

Shard dinging, letting them know they arrived, and V slammed on the breaks of the truck harder than she should have. Throwing herself and Johnny forward, rolling Melanie into the floorboards, V just climbed out of the truck, giving some weak excuse that she had to pee, but god she just wanted Johnny to stop. His laughter coming out of the open window told her he was just being a dick for the sake of being a dick, but god damn did she want to strangle him. Melanie crawled out next, really running off to pee before she crawled into the back to check on her mom. 

The one with the most know-how, V set to work getting their tents and other things put together before the sun set, leaving them in the dark. Leaving it for last, V compiled all the things she needed to build a fire, just standing there, looking at it. Matches weren’t too bad to use, but she still had trouble forcing herself to light them. 

“Here,” taken from her, the matchbox was with Johnny now, striking it, throwing the flame into the fire, both looking away as it ignited. “Took you almost two years to be able to be near a fire the first time.” 

“Hate that you know that...Always try and pretend it doesn’t bother me, ya know? Misty liked to light candles...burn incense. Never wanted to tell her that it made me jumpy each time. Threw out the lighters, but she bought more.” Nestled into his side, arm around her, they watched the fire burn, waiting for it to calm before V tried to cook on it. 

“You know I still jump a little when I hear choppers overhead, or when you’d use a Netrunnin’ chair to jack into the Net. No hidin’ from the other – you saw how that always goes.” Fire not as roaring, settling down into a smaller flame, V unhooked herself from Johnny, grabbing their cooking supplies. 

“That I do, and I won’t do it again.” Melanie emerging from the back, and V was pleased with her timing. Making dinner, sitting there in the open, enjoying the company of everyone, she wasn’t surprised when Johnny searched the truck for the acoustic guitar he brought. Strumming it, V thought about making some stupid cowboy joke, but then he might stop playing to argue with her. The music was nice, and reminded her that she had support from herself and others around her. 

But, the music was over, and Melanie stood up to stretch, brushing the dirt from her pants. “Time for bed, I guess.” 

“Best call. Prolly gonna head out at the first sign of the sun comin’ up. Just how I roll.” Same action, pants dusted off after a stretch, she looked to Johnny who wiggled his brows, just a tease knowing he wouldn’t be sneaking into her tent. 

“Been warned, but I can always just sleep in the truck. Gonna say goodnight to my mom...For five minutes...Only five.”

Johnny rose last, not bothering to dust himself off, just walking to the truck, letting his stride clean him off. “Get the fuckin’ hint, Mel. Won’t make you witness weird shit.” 

V laughed a little, waving to Mel, waiting for Johnny to meet her back at the fire, tents nearby. Taking her arm, he led her to the tent she’d be sleeping in, looking back at the camper before kissing her, dipping her down a little as she did. “Night, V.” 

“Kinda shocked you’re not tryin’ to weasel your way into my tent, promisin’ to be quiet.” When he pulled her back to a standing position, she grabbed him into a hug, arms under the Samurai jacket he put on in the cold of the night. 

“I’m not the one who’s loud, princess. So nah, not gonna work. Told you back at my place, that shower was your last chance.” Kiss on her cheek, and he started walking towards the tent, that typical sway in his hips that always made him walking away a little nice to watch. 

“Night, Johnny. See ya bright and early.” 

The tents she set up were bare bones, just a lantern and a cot, but it was good enough for her. Distantly, she heard Johnny tossing around, complaining about the cot the entire time, and she knew he’d never make it on the road long term. Melanie came out a short time later, opening one tent and saying goodnight to Johnny, calling one out to V before she climbed in her own tent. Dark enough for her, V left the lantern on, just in case she woke up in the middle of the night and needed a reminder of where she was. 

_“You really gonna apologize to him? Fuck, always had to question if you were my blood or not, but this takes the cake. Whacked as shit. Go on then! Use your final breath to say some half assed apology! Apology for a silent man, watchin’ as I kill you! Too fuckin’ good! I wanna hear this shi --” A gun shot, blood everywhere, she couldn’t see Johnny’s face, the bullet in her own skull too, watching as her dad – ___

____

“V! Hey!” 

____

Jumping up, screaming out in fear, V lashed out, smacking away the lantern held in front of her face. Breaking in the corner of the tent, V was glad she left on the other one that wasn’t shattered, it illuminating Melanie’s concerned face. “Fuck, Mel...” out of breath, she panted those words out, chest heaving as she looked at her. 

____

“Sorry...should have let it slide, but you were screaming. I didn’t know what was wrong – thought some animal got you.” V shook her head at that comment, brushing her sweat soaked hair from her face, trying to compose herself for Melanie, a person not used to how frazzled she got when she had these nightmares. 

____

“No...just...’s nothin’. Go back to sleep. I’ll be alright...” But she didn’t leave the tent, sitting on the cot, one leg tucked under her with the other on the ground. “I’ll be alright...” repeated so Melanie heard it.

____

“I know. Think I’m here because you scared the shit out of me. Need to know I’m alright.” That made V squeeze out a small laugh before her throat felt a little too tight, a little too dry, again. Melanie passed her some water, and V chugged it. “You and Johnny do this every night?” 

____

“For three years, yeah. Got worse after we went to Atlanta, but...yeah. Least it’s been a constant three years for me. On and off before. Johnny...Not so lucky.” Rubbing around her neck, trying to relieve the pressure, she had forgotten she put his tags back on before she left Misty’s. Bringing them out of her shirt, she clutched the cool metal, tracing over the raised portion of the metal. 

____

“Touch those each time?” Melanie shifted so she was sitting cross legged on the cot now, looking like she had no intention of leaving. “Because if you do, that’s funny. Johnny used to go and grab the bullet pendant, looking at it, holding it between his index finger and thumb, always against the neon of the city.” Melanie held up her hand, mimicking the action Johnny likely did, against the light of the lantern. “Asked him why once...” V didn’t want to tell Melanie that she hid the tags away when she ran, before that just jumping up at night and waking Johnny up, making him sit with her. She wanted to hear this. 

____

“Said that a lot of times he’d relive his own memories, and you’d be there, dead. Reminded him that almost nothing short of ripping you to shreds in a woodchipper would kill you. Morbidly comforting.” 

____

“So then why are you so scared I’m gonna die? You’ve buddied up to me real quick.” Moving the blanket, V placed it over Melanie’s legs, the cold night hitting them both through the thin lining of the tent. “It’s nice, but...”

____

“Feel like I know you already, honestly. Told you before – he talks about you all the time. Guess I just wanna make sure you’re doing good too. Plus, you’re risking a lot to get me to Canada. Got us through two checkpoints so far, and damn you’re good at tricking border police.” 

____

“You learn how real quick when your whole livelihood depends on it. Ya know, if you stay in here, Johnny’s gonna be real fuckin’ pissed.” 

____

“And I should care why?” That finally got V to laugh for real, throat feeling better. 

____

“Said one person to a tent, and now we’re sharin’ one? Oh, he’s gonna be livid.” Melanie let out a “pfft” before telling V to scoot over so she would lie down on the opposite end of the cot. 

____

“I don’t care. Plus, if you start screaming again I’ll be back in here. Seriously, dunno how he didn’t wake up. They’re loud. Frightening. Like you’re being murdered, and I’m the witness.” Covers pulled up over her shoulders, V reclined back, not enough blanket for her to do the same, but that was fine. Hands behind her head, elbows out, she looked at the top of the tent. 

____

“Johnny’s used to it. Wouldn’t wake him even if I was bein’ stabbed. But, sorry...Just get some sleep Mel.” Didn’t take her long before she was out, and V followed shortly behind her, only woken up by Johnny coming in and giving them both an earful about how Melanie is more of a hypocrite than V. 

____

Back on the road, they raced off to the last checkpoint in Washington, getting through it with ease thanks to Melanie’s quick hacking work and V’s relatively smooth tongue. Johnny back in the front, he had the window rolled down again, just enjoying the fresh air. Melanie stayed in the back, afraid of another rant as they neared the Canadian border, one final stop for the night before they crossed. 

____

“Ya know, before we part ways with ‘er, I’m gonna have to thank Mel.”

____

“Why? ‘Cause she took care of me while you were fuckin’ around out there in the sand?” Checking her surroundings before turning, V took the nearest road that matched Rogue’s instructions, not wanting to take a camper off roading. 

____

“Not my original purpose for thankin’ her, but I guess I can add that to the list. When I talked to ‘er at the diner for lunch, she said somethin’ about how willing you were to help her – see how stupid puttin’ a hit out on Brigitte was. Care for a stranger, and have her care back without really anythin’ forcin’ you to. Think it gave you the strength to cut me off when I needed it. When we needed it. And last night, when she came into my tent, she offered me that same kindness. Cared for me...Made me feel somethin’ I only felt for you, in a way. Woulda kicked anyone else out...Well, maybe not Panam, but you get the picture.”

____

Still catching the wind, his hand had his fingers curling in and out. “Wanted to pay it back to Alt. Keep more of those damn Cunnginhams in line. Crazy bunch of bitches, and I swear there were only ever blonde women, comin’ in to ruin my day.” If this were the old Johnny, he would have lit a cigarette about now, but he opted just to breathe deeply instead. “Kinda hurt knowin’ Alt’s sister was dead and gone, even if she hated me. Seein’ her niece there, confined to a bed, comin’ in and out at random – sucked. That kid was always askin’ me to play her songs, and if I didn’t Alt wouldn’t suck me off.” 

____

“And there it is, the sex --” A flick to her cheek and V shut up, just smiling as she kept her eyes on the road.

____

“Anyway. Still sorta cared for her, so transportin’ her now isn’t too big a thing. Didn’t count on one thing, though: Mel. Spitfire and rebellion incarnate. Says she hates my corpo rants, but she can go off on ones just as long. Got along great with her.” Laughter between them again, knowing that Johnny liked being around people who could match his energy. Dish out what he could dish out. Have fun, even if the idea of fun was discussing politics and higher level thought process topics. V’s sure it’s why he even gave her a chance as a person in the first place, just happy to have someone as wild as he was. 

____

“Wanted to help, ‘cause thought I owed it to everyone in her damn bloodline, then I made a friend believe it or not. Even before that I didn’t need to know her to know I could love her in some way. Reason I even helped and wanted her safe is ‘cause I knew that deep down. Even if I thought she was some reflection of Alt, and who am I but not Narcissus, doomed to fall into that lake chasin’ reflections.” He paused, V didn’t voice it, but she knew he knew she didn’t get that reference. “Thought it was romantic, but it wasn’t. Just...loved ‘er as a friend. Love her as a person. Nothin’ like what I feel for you, but there was the problem.”

____

“Our love is the love that kills.” 

____

“Consumes whatever is in front of it – even if it’s the other. Mel showed me that it doesn’t have to be like that. Shouldn’t be like that...’Cause you’d end up another dead body to add to the body count.” 

____

Reaching over, she took Johnny’s hand, “Or you’d be a tally mark for me. Yeah...Hated livin’ without you. Felt wrong. Don’t want you outta my life, but Mel gave you the right idea.” Shaking her head, she pulled off the road, seeing a clearing big enough to camp in. 

____

Same process as the night before, V set up camp, Johnny played guitar, Melanie played around with her gear, preparing to hack into the Canadian systems. Everything was normal, until it was time to turn in, Johnny finally breaking Melanie’s rule. Under the cover of darkness, he turned off V’s lantern, slotting himself in the cot next to her, very much not made for an adult to begin with, let alone two. 

____

“Johnny,” hissed out so low she hoped it stayed within the walls of the tent, “thought you were gonna follow the rules.” 

____

“Mel broke ‘em first. If she wanted me to follow ‘em she should’ve first.” Held up against him, her lips brushed his skin each time they spoke, blanket not big enough to cover them either, V’s back exposed to the chilled air. 

____

“Yeah, but Mel wasn’t gettin’ hard from just a little cuddlin’.” Shirtless beside her, she felt something between them, puffing out a laugh when she figured out what it was. “Put my pendant on? Didn’t leave it back at the apartment?” 

____

“You got my tags on...First time in a while.” Neck angled so she was looking up at him, she let her optics bring his face into focus, soaking in that loving stare he gave her. 

____

“Guess I do.”

____

“Would you take a bullet for me?” 

____

“I would, yeah.”

____

His hand angled her head better, kissing her, the sounds of the forest they were in muffling their noises. Rolled onto her back, Johnny on top, they just continued to kiss, over and over, not moving from that.

____

Until her tent opened, sound of a cot being brought in interrupting them, lantern turned off as soon as the cot was shoved in. “What kind of foreplay is that? ‘Would you take a bullet for me?’ You two are fucking weird.” 

____

“Tent ain’t big enough for three, Mel. Get out.” 

____

Loud smack to his exposed shoulder, and Johnny reached out, trying to get her back, not having the right optics to see well in the dark, missing each swipe. “Not a chance. V screams at night and it makes me terrified, and I’m not listening to you two do some weird flirting. How is that even romantic?” 

____

“Hard to explain, I guess? It just is...You had to be there...” V trying to cover for that was making things even more awkward, but at least Johnny rolled off her, making her the little spoon as he pressed himself to her back. 

____

“You know, I don’t think I wanna be there. Just keep me in the dark.” Melanie was settled into bed, turning to face V in the dark. “Think having us here will give you some peaceful sleep?” 

____

“Doubt it, but at least you won’t have to run over in the middle of the night, thinkin’ some bear got me.” Johnny held her closer, face buried in her hair, and V closed her eyes settling in. “’Sides, your funeral. Now you gotta deal with us both havin’ ‘em.” 

____

“Take my chances. Worth not almost falling into the remains of a fire in some panic. Night, my two mercs!” 

____

“Fuck off, Mel. Hope Freddy Kruger zeroes your ass.” Affectionate in a way only Johnny could be. 

____

Every night the same as it always was, at least V woke up with arms around her and a bottle of water given to her, ways to deal with her nightmares helped by two people who cared for her in various ways. She really had to thank Melanie. Strength from all sides, and somehow she was the starting point of this journey. 

____

And in the morning it brought them to a mile outside of the border, huddled around Melanie’s set up outside of the truck, laptop open and searching the various databases that the patrol kept. Rested, clear headed, and a plan was being put into place.

____

“V, you are one smart Nomad. Had we made this plan when we left, would’ve missed the fact they’re switching up the protocol for checking vehicles. Apparently, the insides of each vehicle needs to be searched. Meaning --”

____

“The camper...” Johnny was tapping his foot, peering over Melanie’s shoulder, arms crossed and pulled in tight against his torso. “How the fuck are we gonna get past that one?” 

____

V hugged herself, shivering in the cool autumn of Washington. A lot different than the high temperatures of Night City. Samurai jacket placed around her shoulders, V smiled, tugging it around her body, the smell of his calming her nerves enough to think better. “Tricky, but I think we can manage. Looks like they take cargo like that to a separate part of the whole shebang. Meanin’ we’ll be transported ‘bout a half mile to checkin’ facility. That gives us a half mile to give ‘em the slip. No ways around it: we’re gonna run.” 

____

“You wanna play fast and loose with the fuckin’ Canadian border patrol? In a place you’ve never been before? You think that’s smart --”

____

“No, Johnny, she’s right. No way to trick them, but there is a way to jam their sensors long enough to give them the slip. Narrow stretch here,” pointing on her screen, there was a path in the middle of a wooded area, marked on a map stolen from their servers, “that they don’t patrol as heavily. Truck’ll make it through there.” 

____

“If anythin’, we can unhitch the camper, send it down there, and I get them to follow me, leadin’ them away from you three. All sound good?” She looked back at Johnny, leaving Melanie to look at her laptop still. “All good?”

____

“Do I even have to tell you? I fuckin’ hate this plan. Shit stinks. Always fuckin’ stinks when you make up somethin’ on the fly. No way I can stay in the cab with you?”

____

“No. Gotta stay in the back. You’re as illegal as they come, and we won’t get past the initial paper scanners with you in the cab. ‘Sides, they’re gonna need you for protection. I can handle myself.” 

____

“Whatever, fuck this. Just drive.” Hopping in the camper, he slammed the door shut, leaving her alone with Melanie to go over the plan again. Didn’t matter if he hated this plan, this was part of the job they were hired to do. They’d fight about this later when they were done. 

____

Melanie secure in the back, coms with her set up, same process as always, V set off, truck going the legal speed limit, relaxed composure as she crossed over the first scanner, only stopping when she was told. Window rolled down, she leaned out, letting the man check all her documents, well enough up to date, able to be passed through to the next check point where Melanie would be hacking in and giving them the all clear to go through, permission granted through a work visa for Arasaka, easy enough to grab on the fly given their scrambled state, even four years later. 

____

“Halt. Something came up on our scanners in the back of your camper. We’re gonna need to check it.”

____

Fuck.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter belongs to ravenstrange for so many reasons, and beammeupbroadway for others, if not because of this damn meme that's been making me laugh FOR DAYS!!!
> 
>   
> 


	20. Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Our human nature, it's all the same  
>  We spend our lives in the pursuit of happiness  
> So stop the hate, open the iron gate  
> It's our destiny to make the cold war history ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to fuck around and find out

_“I fuckin’ knew this shit was bad! But no one fuckin’ listens to me!” ___

___“Johnny! Now’s not the time! Just help me out! V! Where are they leading you?” ____ _

____Arrows displayed on the ground in front of her, and V was slowly pulling her truck along, hoping to buy some time, fighting in the back making it hard to think of a plan. “Shut up! Both of you!” hissed low into the coms, trying to look and see if there was a blind spot – an out. Not seeing one, even V was starting to lose her cool. “Leadin’ me to some other area, one to the left of this place. We’re supposed to be headin’ to the right.”_ _ _ _

_____“Shit! Leading us to the unloading bay where they grab supplies...Likely think we’re smuggling in stuff other than three undocumented people. Gonna take it for themselves, I’m sure. Let me see if I can get into their coms channel. Going dark for a minute, V.” ____ _ _ _

_______“Mel! Keep her on coms what are fuckin’ --” ____ _ _ _ _ _

________Like promised, coms went dark. Scanning the area, V at least saw a weak point in the building, somewhere she could steer the truck towards if things got too serious. She doubted without the cover of the terrain she could outrun the border patrol, but it was better than being sitting ducks here in the facility. Black walls of metal around her, armored vehicles waiting with their turrets loaded and turned her way, and things weren’t looking good. The truck itself had armored plating, but she forgot to ask about the camper. Didn’t help much if they were chased and cornered, flipping the truck so she couldn’t drive away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Ringtone of her holo going, V answered before the first ring was completed, Melanie’s voice filling her ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Okay, bad news. Couldn’t get into the channel. Interference from the equipment in here. Using older style radio waves that are a lot harder to pin down. Most Runners aren’t familiar enough with the older tech to handle it. My problem is just the interference.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Cool, nice little lesson. But what’s the plan? Don’t have much time...Almost to where the arrows stop.” V kept scanning, finding some place where she could book it before the end when she could plow through the wall, not wanting to go that route at all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Unfortunately, we’re gonna have to go into the bay, unless I can get another port to jack into. Unlikely...don’t see one inside the camper...The bay at least gives us some cover for when I hack back into their systems, leaving them in the dark, and we can escape from inside there.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________For once, V beat Johnny to it, him being unusually quiet. “Yeah, no, that plan fuckin’ sucks. We go in there there’s a good chance we’re not comin’ out. We’d have to blast our way through the back, leavin’ that way, and you know the back of that bay is heavily guarded. Gotta be!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Now someone’s listenin’ to me! Just fuckin’ book it outta here.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Ah fuck...” A guard with his hand up told her to stop. Coming to the window, V rolled it back down, putting on her best smile, hoping he didn’t see the bit of sweat forming on her brow, tense as hell. “There a problem?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“No. Just gonna do the check here, ma’am. Should only take a moment. There a key to the camper?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________There wasn’t, but that didn’t mean V couldn’t pretend there was, conveniently remembering it’s a keycode later on. “Yeah. Gonna need to dig around in the truck for it. That alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“One hand in the air as you do, ma’am.” V snorted at that, this man thinking she couldn’t do much damage with one hand tied behind her back so to speak. She covered it up by sniffling, nodding as she bent down in the truck, hoping to hell Melanie heard that exchange and knew V was buying them some time to do something._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Johnny, check some of the monitors for my mom. Something is beeping strange.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“No it’s fuckin’ not.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Yes it is! Just check, please!” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Bad feeling in her gut, something told V to sit up, look in the passenger side window, pretending she was searching the glove box for the key. To sell her role, she kept muttering every few seconds, something about the key, and she could tell the agent was getting impatient. Eyes on the mirror, she panicked, seeing Melanie climb from the camper, jacking into a port on the side of the truck, hanging from the window. How Johnny didn’t see this was beyond her, and there must have been a blind spot in the camera feed for her to even try this, but fuck V was not okay with this plan._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________And she had every right to be paranoid, the agent making her get the key following her eyes to the mirror, yelling out a “Code 13 --” before V went into fight mode, popping a secret hatch in the glove box, modified pistol she stole from Winston Day springing down, the only gun she thought she could spare to hide in here and leave behind, fitting snugly in her hand. Turning back to the agent, she took one shot, gun louder than it should have been, round leaving him with half his skull missing, and the whole facility on high alert. When that asshole modified this thing he made it loud, powerful, and flashy, not V’s style. And it certainly didn’t serve her well now, everyone in the facility alerted to something going down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Seeing Melanie back in the camper, V felt safe enough to book it before everyone in the facility got into their vehicles. “Hold on back there! Blastin’ through the wall!” Gas pedal jammed to the floor, V peeled out of there, Melanie’s com going dark, Johnny’s ringing in her ear next._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“V, what was that!? Shootin’ the damn guard wasn’t part of the plan!” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Well no one had a fuckin’ plan! And I didn’t have a – eugh, shit!” Window still rolled down, a bullet from a turret lodged itself straight in her left side, making her cry out before rolling the window back up. Impact from hitting the wall jostled the vehicle, making the bullet wound hurt worse. No time to really dwell on her pain, she booked it from the check point, driving off to the path in the woods they mapped out before. She still had the short distance she put between her and the border agents on her side, and if she focused on getting there. Movement drawing her eyes to the mirrors again, she saw Johnny hanging out a window, shooting at the agents following them, trying to keep them off her tail._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Johnny! Don’t hang out the window --”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________“I’ll do what I fuckin’ want, V! You won’t listen to me – I won’t listen to you! Just keep fuckin’ drivin’!” _Rounds from the gun echoing in her coms, she at least obliged that, driving off to where the path in the woods veered off. The path was wider than she anticipated, but that was fine. Johnny was still hanging from the window, shooting at their pursuers, trying hard to shake them or at least get them to crash.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Blood pouring out onto the seat, and V hand to drive one handed, the other one stopping the flow of crimson fluid from seeping out too quickly. Strained breaths, each inhale more painful than the last, she must have been making too much noise, Johnny’s voice back in her ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________“V! Somethin’ happen? You good?” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Just peachy – don’t worry ‘bout me! Just keep these fuckers off me. I’m about to take this shit off roadin’! Hold on, watch out for trees!” Warning given, she turned the truck, plowing through a row of small trees, so damn thankful Rogue commissioned this truck. Knowing well its limits, V took down every tree that hadn’t reached maturity, stumps and cracked trees creating a natural barrier between her and the Canadian agents. In the country now, there was no turning back, and dammit if she wasn’t going to make it to her destination._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Motel five hours from the border. She had to make it. Had to lose the agents still tailing her, had to keep her head above water. She could still hear Johnny firing off, could hear the bullets hitting her truck, and she hoped the camper wasn’t jostled too much, dislodging everything they were transporting. At least it would be better than being dead if she was being too rough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Hand removed from her side, slick and viscous as she moved her fingers, she fished out a Bounceback and laughed because of course it would be expired. Why wouldn’t it be with her luck? Likely only giving her enough time to get them out of this mess, she jammed it into her side, feeling the rush of it in her system. Gas pedal pressed down to the floor once more, she was off, careening towards the thicker parts of the forest, shots coming to a halt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________“Last of ‘em. None I can see. Mel, hack into their systems and see if they got a hit on us.” _Johnny was back inside the camper, out of breath, and V could hear his boots tapping on the floor, pacing as he waited for Melanie to give them some kind of report.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________“Definitely know we’re runners, but all they got was the plate on the truck and a picture of V. Camera footage only shows her killing the agent, nothing else, which is good.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________“Yeah, ‘cause havin’ a hit out on V is somethin’ to celebrate! Fuck! Pull over.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________Clearly meant for her, V just ignored it, trying to focus on maintaining the truck’s stability instead as they headed out of the woods and back on the road, rather than on Johnny’s angry demands, as well as hiding the fact she was hit, knowing it would set him off more. _“I said fuckin’ pull over! Need outta this space. Need to get outta here.” _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________“V, just pull over. It’ll be quick. Give him some fresh air.” _Melanie’s voice was softer, and V just groaned, not wanting to pull over, but she was outnumbered. Checking to see if the coast was clear, she pulled over, staying in the driver’s seat of the truck, just with the window rolled down, coms disconnected by her. Johnny hopped out first, war path directed at her.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“You mind tellin’ me what in your mind made shootin’ a damn border agent a good idea!?” A punch to the truck door, and V just huffed, not in the mood to argue with him. “As much as I love droppin’ corp hired goons, that mighta been the dumbest shit! And you were in there laughin’ at it! Your worst fuck up to date, and you’re havin’ a blast! Name sent straight to the fuckin’ Canadian government! Ain’t the NUSA we’re in, V! They actually have their shit together enough to take your head clean off the moment you appear on some camera feed!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“I didn’t have a fuckin’ choice! They were gonna --”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Come in the fuckin’ back of the camper, and I coulda taken out one guy! But nah! Now we gotta run from the government! You learn anythin’ ‘bout not puttin’ people in danger ‘cause of some fuckin’ death wish you got!? Shit, I didn’t even get people killed the times I stormed ‘Saka Tower! All three! Three! And you can’t help but fuck up every gig you go on!” Opening the truck door, V climbed out, actually ready to go to blows with him, at her wits end from pain and adreneline. “Have you fuckin’ learned anythin’!? Tell me! ‘Cause you’re offerin’ up mine and Mel’s lives ‘cause of your gonk ass!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Oh would you get off your fuckin’ high horse!? You’re no better than me, Johnny! I’m sorry, did you forget the literal thousands of people dead from your botched bombin’!? Or the fact that I almost died from our little stunt in ‘Saka Tower!? Fuck, you’re the one who messed up the Day hit! And I told you, not my call back there!” Fist balled at her side, clenched muscles, the pain of the bullet wound coming back in full force. Gritting her teeth, other hand coming to her side, and she felt the world fall from beneath her. Trying to keep her balance, she fell forward into Johnny, his arms not quick enough to catch her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“V! V!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________Grass under her as she fell, and she thought that was new. Used to falling in sand, concrete, or other hard surfaces. “Shit! Mel! She’s bleedin’!” Vision going blurry, strength sapped from her, she was scooped into Johnny’s lap, trying hard to keep awake. “How’d this even happen!?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Forgot to...roll the window...up. Turret got me...” Melanie was next to her, turning her body so that she could see the left side of V’s body, inspecting the wound there. Taken from Johnny, Melanie brought V to the back of the camper, placing her on the only seat back there. Monitors and equipment used for Melanie’s mom, there wasn’t much left to use on V, Melanie searching for anything to help. A not expired Bouceback placed on a nearby table, Johnny pacing, yelling about something, Melanie yelling back, but it all seemed like it was coming from underwater to V. A smack to her cheek, Melanie’s voice telling her “Stay with us, V. Need you awake,” acting like V wasn’t trying hard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________Black hair, leather jacket, metal arm, all coming in and out of view as he paced. Back and forth as a pendulum swings, hypnotic swirl making V fade a little faster. “Johnny! Tweezers, now!” Sudden jolt of pain in her side, and V was out, Melanie’s face the last thing she saw._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Fuuuu...” She was cold. So damn cold. A familiar leather jacket was placed over her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________Her eyebrows were the first to move, pulled together in a grimace as V tried to move. She felt a lot better, if not still a little woozy, but it was enough for her to be able to open her eyes and take in her surroundings. Definitely a motel room, ceiling fan turned on, shitty paintings on the wall, but at least it smelled nice. Nothing like the piss soaked walls of the motels around Night City. There was a dip in the mattress towards the end of the bed, soft music coming from the radio in the room. She was almost certain she knew who was there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Johnny...Where are we?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Sorry, V. It’s me...” Fuck. Not Johnny...Melanie. She was keeping V company right now. And she sounded so sad – defeated. Like she knew it was her fault this happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Where’s...Where’s Johnny?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Ran off. Made it here, got you in the room, asked if you were stable, and when I said yes he bolted.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________Not even her fault this time, and of course he was off again, leaving her alone in this motel room. Another companion that just wasn’t the same, but she wouldn’t tell Melanie that. Remaining silent, she felt that familiar emptiness creep in, curling in on herself once more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c


	21. Redundant (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Now I cannot speak, I've lost my voice  
>  I'm speechless and redundant  
> 'Cause I love you's not enough  
> I'm lost for words ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS MY FIC AND I WILL CREATE SOMETHING SO SELF INDULGENT IT HURTS

Silence was never as comfortable between other people as it was with Johnny. What would she even ask Melanie about the time she was out? That Johnny just up and left her in fucking Canada with only Melanie as a companion? And the cycle repeats.

Ouroboros. He talked about that symbol a lot, the iconography of snakes rather important to him. Should be, as he had them tattooed on his body. The idea of the never ending process of life, death, rebirth. The snake consumes itself in an endless effort. May as well turn herself into one, she supposed.

The dread would pass, she knew, but right now she needed to wallow in it for a bit.

“Where’s your mom…?”

“Room over. Got her monitors and shit hooked up. Don’t worry about her when you really wanna know what’s going on with you.” He was right – Melanie was smart. V appreciated that in this moment.

“Am worried about her, but yeah...Got the bullet outta me. Ended up here...which is...” Looking around again, it was the same motel room that came into focus when she woke up, nothing changing there. Wasn’t some weird fever dream

“Motel we were supposed to stop at. Johnny drove your truck here, I stayed with you in the back. Nicked a vein, but not a large one. Lost some blood, gave you some of the supply we keep back with mom just in case. Never needed it, but you never know. Can’t be too careful...” Guilt apparent in her voice, in her body language, V sat up all the way, putting a hand on Melanie’s back.

“You uh...you alright?”

“About you, isn’t it, V?”

“Maybe, but you seem pretty torn up over somethin’. Alright, know I’m stable – healin’ good. What happened with you and Johnny while I was out?” Sitting with her legs on the floor, hand still on Melanie’s back, she bent down a little to see Melanie’s face through her blonde hair. She turned to face V, flipping her hair back over her shoulder, sitting up straighter.

“I explained what happened. That I thought it was a good idea to lean out of the camper window in a blindspot in the cameras, jack into your truck, try and jam their communications. Told him that if I hadn’t you wouldn’t have had to shoot. Somehow, that made it worse. Irate, ranting on and on about how the smartest woman in the world can make the stupidest mistakes. Told him to quit, and that everyone does gonk shit, but he didn’t listen.” V and Johnny rubbed their faces when they were nervous, and neither could remember who had the habit first. Seemed like they always did those little things they mirrored from the other. Melanie’s habit seemed to be counting, middle finger tapping her thumb, then pausing, then starting again, numbers whispered from her lips.

“That sounds like Johnny...Well, at least he knows the truth. Doesn’t mean he believes it, but it’s out there.” Rubbing her face, V felt how greasy her skin was, and when she stretched her arms out in front of her she saw the dirt there from when she fell. “Thanks for tellin’ ‘im. Makes me feel a little better.”

“Sure...yeah.” Standing, Melanie made her way to the door, still tapping her fingers together. “Feel like I keep messing up your relationship with him. Bothers me...”

V smiled softly, trying to make Melanie feel at ease. “Nah, we’d be doin’ this without you. We’d be worse off without you, actually. Don’t...don’t blame yourself. Back at the border you were just tryin’ to help. Johnny’s gonk ass panics anytime somethin’ doesn’t go perfectly according to plan.” She was making excuses for him, but they weren’t for herself. Comforting Melanie more than her. V knew he was pissed at her, thinking she really was just being reckless, playing fast and loose with the lives they held in their hands. “I’m gonna shower...Take care of your mom. Next door, right?”

“Yeah...to the left.” Door open, Melanie stepped out, closing it softly behind her. Place must have been old to still have wooden doors like this. Making good on her place, V stripped herself of her blood clothes, seeing all her things placed in the room. Unpacked from a truck she knew Johnny was taking out for a ride.

Water on, steaming up the bathroom, V just stood under the stream, watching the dried blood and dirt wash off her. Down the drain. Inspecting the hole in her side, Melanie did a pretty good job of patching her up, stitching pretty solid, likely a clean scar to add to her ever growing collection. Muscles soothed, she flexed her back, trying to get rid of more tension. Hair wet, she pushed it from her face, and damn she missed showering like this. Always made sure to conserve water at Misty’s. Couldn’t shower like this on the road or with the Aldecaldos. Didn’t have the eddies to spare on a high water bill. This was nice. Relaxing. Mind going blank, she just let herself recover, deal with the emotions later, blocking out the world.

“Hey, V can I – stop fuckin’ screamin’ it’s just me – can I join you?” But she kept screaming, slapping his shoulder in a fear reaction before covering her body. Pulse racing, V could have killed him right then and there for scaring her like that.

“Johnny!? You run off, leave me in a motel room in Canada, then ask to join my shower!? You lost it!? What is wrong with you!?”

He rolled his eyes, and because she didn’t say “no” he started getting undressed. “Look – need to shower and we need to talk. Two birds, one stone. Move over, princess.” No time given for her to do so, Johnny hopped in the shower, moving her for her. In the stream now, V was thankful the water was hot enough for her to still stay warm without being in the direct stream. “You wash your hair yet?”

“You askin’ to wash my hair?”

“Want me to or not? Quit bein’ a cunt about it.” Insufferable, but V handed him her shampoo, letting him place a dollop in his hands, bringing to her scalp. Massaging it in, he began talking while V relaxed again into his touch. “Sorry...Yelled at you when I shouldn’t’ve. And I feel real fuckin’ shitty about it.”

V hummed, still letting him wash her. “Yeah, well...Didn’t let me finish tellin’ you why all that shit happened. Contrary to your initial thoughts, I didn’t have a choice. Woulda had the whole facility on lock down immediately.” Guided to the stream, V stood under it, letting Johnny’s fingers help rinse the suds from her hair.

“I know – Mel told me. Hate it, but I couldn’t give you the benefit of the doubt. ‘Fraid you were just fallin’ back into old habits. That nothin’ we did was gonna change how we operate. Week in Night City just some fluke. Needed time to cool off, then it made me realize how damn idiotic I was.” V didn’t ask, she just placed shampoo in her hands, reaching up to return the favor, Johnny’s height making it a little difficult.

“You get scared – I know. But damn, Johnny...Really convinced that I can’t change? Kind’ve a dick move, considerin’ all the things we’ve been through. More I’m thinkin’ about it, the more it’s pissin’ me off.” Guiding him to the stream, he used his own hands to rinse his hair, letting V put conditioner in hers, letting it sit there while they continued to speak. “Woke up alone. Had Mel tellin’ me you ran off. Only bright side is that you didn’t leave for a whole year. Fuck...”

Body wash in her hands, she lathered up his chest, his hands coming to run his fingers over the scars of her torso – feeling all the old and new scars there. “Thinkin’ the same thing I am?”

“What? That we’re two big fuckin’ messes that can’t do anythin’ right? ‘Cause that’s what I’m thinkin’. Somehow fuck up the one thing that should come so damn naturally. Acceptin’ the other for all the bad, good – the growth we’ve both been through.” Body rinsed, she swapped spots with him, rinsing her hair, eyes closed under the stream, pleasant hum when he started washing her body off just as she had done his, taking his time to remove the more stubborn splotches of dirt and blood.

“Almost exactly what I was thinkin’. First thought was to run when I thought you were gonna get yourself killed. Saw all that damn blood, right after you dipped from the border. Thought that I was gonna lose you again, and I was scared. Need to trust you more...Need to accept that fuck, maybe you did change, and now I’m the one fallin’ back.” Bodies cleaned, washed under the warm water, V moved to hug him, cheek rested in the middle of his chest.

“We’re gonna fuck up on this journey...Who’s to say I won’t be the one next time – thinkin’ you’re still some egotistical asshole who wants nothin’ more than to blow up Arasaka?”

“New enemy is Canada – weren’t you listenin’? ‘Course you weren’t – gonkbrained like always.” She laughed, and the tension was easing.

“Right, how could I forget the hours of history lessons? And maybe you’ll still think I’m the same idiot who almost got you killed for my own selfish revenge.”

“Can’t...Know that you’ve grown past that...Just don’t wanna lose you. Always been my biggest fear.” His metal hand was warm from the water, rubbing up and down her back.

“But, promised one last gig. Gonna make my choice at the end...Just wanna know you’ll trust me to keep workin’.” Chin rested on his chest now, looking up at him, V brushed some of the wet hair from his face, knowing he was done, never using conditioner. Wasn’t fair he didn’t have to put in effort.

“Only if you trust me enough not to take a lotta the shit I say seriously.”

“Implies I ever did in the first place.”

“Trust me to love you, V?”

“Only if you trust me to love you back.”

Circle made, snake consuming itself, but there was a reason that symbol persisted. Why it struck a chord with people who understand it. Feedback loop of everything good and bad in the world, contained within the completed form of the serpent. V felt it each time she kissed Johnny, magnetic forces drawing them closer, only coming apart when some outside force flipped the polarity. Laws of alchemy dictating that something cannot be gained without the sacrifice of the other, only that sacrifice didn’t have to be good for good, bad for bad. Sacrifice of the neutral, sacrifice of the bad to make something good.

Moving down his body, knees on the wet shower floor, kisses to his torso over each scar there, licking right above his navel, trailing down, his smirk housing itself permanently on his face, he cupped her cheek, turning her head up to him for a brief moment. “If we can’t function ‘least the sex’ll be nice.”

“Don’t ruin the mood, asshole. Just let me love you.” Another kiss to his hip, Johnny going silent, and she finally took his length in her mouth, working slowly, fitting as much as she could in her mouth. Bobbing her head up and down, slow, cheeks hollowed out, tongue working under him. Swirling over the tip before she plunged back down, and she had never heard Johnny make those noises before. Releasing him, kissing the tip, locking eyes with his own, brown eyes turned black, and she was on him again.

Taking her time, water on her back, sins washed, and V couldn’t take her eyes off him, back and forth, loving gaze as she worked him. Stuttering breaths, her small gags every now and then, and he didn’t move his hips. Let her love him. Holding her hair so softly, allowing her to guide her own mouth along his length. Finally breaking eye contact, she felt relaxed enough to take almost his whole length in, inhibitions lost in both of them, noises filling in the empty space that the water left. Breathless, deep, rumbling, he finally moved his hips, fucking into her lightly. Hand gripping her hair tighter, he pulled her head back, and V pushed forward against it, the tug of her hair feeling nice.

“V...Darlin’, gonna --” Enough of a warning for her, V slid her mouth off him with a pop, licking her swollen lips, happy the water stream was washing away the saliva that coated around her mouth. Hands on either side of her face guiding her up to stand, Johnny kissed her again, something about loving the way she tastes after she’s been on him told to her. She called him a dirty old man, he threw her against the shower wall. And maybe there was something to the theory that people sound better in the shower due to the acoustics, because her little keens and his low groans shouldn’t sound this good.

“Let me love you, V?” She nodded, and he began sinking to his knees before her, kissing down her neck to her breasts, each one kissed, sucked, bitten, all leaving her whimpering, so willing to spread her legs when he parted them. Thumb rubbing her clit, mouth kissing her hip bone, sucking on the flesh there to mark it, and he was being gentle. She was still hurt, and his normal style was rough and quick. Another mark to her opposite hip, then another, back and forth while his thumb played with her, legs getting wobbly, noises getting louder. Holding her, he had no other use for his hands than to keep her steady, mouth taking over.

Always made this stupid little joke that he was king of oral, and maybe there was someone better, but not that V had been with. Flicking the tip over her as a tease before diving in, kissing at her clit before that long stripe across her, and she was so glad he was helping hold her up. Nothing tepid about this, all his energy placed squarely on her, eyes closed in intense focus. Rolling his tongue over her, and she swears she could see stars. “Johnny...shit...” Dipping inside her, shifting a hand to play back at her, and V was losing herself fast. “’M close – wanna --” whine let out at the increased pressure, and Johnny didn’t stop, just kept going.

“Come on my face,” said against her folds, keeping up his work until she did, hand flying up to cover her mouth, not wanting to be too loud in that room. Steam in the shower making it exceptionally warm, it added to the hot feeling in her limbs, weakly standing as Johnny rose up to her, holding her against that shower wall, positioning her legs to wrap around him.

Sliding in, no resistance, her body prepped enough, the added “Take me so fuckin’ well,” only adding to it. Still worked up from her, V still sensitive, this was more about coming together as one again, letting the love flow through them than anything else. Hips joined, shared “I love you” giving life to it all, and Johnny was slow, gentle. V wasn’t frantic either, letting them roll together, holding him as close as she could. Another feeling of release on her, tension building in the pit of her stomach, and he was close behind her.

Letting him love her, V allowed to love him, foreheads pressed together, chasing a shared release. Mirrored as they always were, she came with him. Water shut off, towels brought into the stall, and Johnny finally set her down, pulling out and helping dry her off. No real need for clothes, the two of them made it to the bed in the room, holding the other close.

“Eh, maybe you’re right. Building a relationship on that kinda sex might just work.” Taking that admission as a cue to keep going, V felt his hand snake down between her legs, trying to play with her again. And she would have let him too, rolling on her back, pulling him on top of her, never finding that she could get enough of him.

“Always right, sweetheart. But nah, we got more than just sex.” Thought never finished, a knock at the door, and both groaned.

“Ya know, one last gig might be the best call.”

“Why’s that?”

“No more interruptions.”

Covers pulled over them both, Johnny gave the go ahead for Melanie to come in, knowing it was her, and V was not on board, making sure she was hidden completely under the covers, not wanting Melanie to even know she was there.

“Oh! Seriously!? Johnny do you have no shame!?” Heard from above the covers, she felt Johnny’s booming laugh shake the bed.

“Shit, slept in that tent with us. Made fun of our weird foreplay. Join if ya want. Sure you heard enough to know if you want in.” V could almost hear the wink at the end of that, his voice dipping down a few notes before that eye of his closed.

“No!” Said by both women before they sighed, and V was sure Melanie wanted to drop Johnny so quick. “And yes, I did hear enough. Look, wouldn’t be in here unless I had something important to say, right? I got my mom into the facility I was looking into a few months ago.”

“Legal?”

“You know it wasn’t, Johnny. Still, she’s in, nothing suspicious coming up. Just need you two in the morning so that we can finish this out.”

Knowing her cover was blown, V popped her head out, looking at Melanie who just appeared tired. So tired. “What happens after we drop off your mom?”

“Dunno...Me? Staying here. You two? God only knows.” Leaving them, door closed behind her, Johnny turned to V, shit eating grin back full swing.

“Got until the mornin’.” Pushing his chest, he fell back.

“Yeah, to rest. Think we’ve tortured Mel enough, agreed?”

Sun setting outside, an orange glow making the décor of the room seem even brighter, and she just smiled at Johnny, and he smiled back. Whispered to him, and he whispered back. Quiet, serene, and they loved each other. Fully, without remorse, without regret. Their “one last gig” almost over, the final stretch of the journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more chapters!! Get to see V's choice and a little epilogue at the end :3


	22. When the Music's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The face in the mirror won't stop  
>  The girl in the window won't drop  
> A feast of friends, "Alive!" she cried  
> Waiting for me outside ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank beammeupbroadway and ravenstrange for clowning me into the shadow realm. Also, the song Johnny is yelling in this chapter is "Ice Of Boston" by The Dismemberment Plan. Enjoy <3

“Ya know, I always told Kerry we’d only do one last gig. Play one last damn show, and then the curtain would fall.” Sitting on the roof of some shitty motel, that was the first thing spoken between them in hours. After dropping Melanie off, a rather tearful goodbye exchanged between a woman she barely knew and her two mercs, she and Johnny left. Rode aimlessly for hours until they spied some run down motel. 

Bottle passed between them, they had a buzz going. It was cold, V was seated between Johnny’s legs, thanking God and whoever else listened that the Samurai jacket he had was big enough to wrap her in it as well as him, zipped up as far as it would allow, only one arm poking out the front so she could drink. 

“Well, eventually that happened. You did play one last show with the guy. I was there, remember?” 

“Let’s get it straight – you weren’t there. You were me playin’ it.” She wouldn’t argue that the technical last show they did was at the Red Dirt, and it was her body he used to play. Seemed fruitless given that they could talk in circles around the other until the end of time. “Had plans to keep goin’. Always lie and tell ‘im only one more.” 

“Only thing that stopped you was death.” Johnny laughed, swig of the bottle taken.

“Even that didn’t stop me, V. Surprised I didn’t get dragged into the last tour he went on. Surprised you didn’t, too. Likes you a whole lot.” Now it was her turn to laugh, taking the bottle and drinking a little. There wasn’t even a noticeable dent in the bottle, just sips taken, enough to get a little tipsy. 

“We gonna spend our free time discussin’ Kerry? Feel like we could be doin’ more with our time...” Their last gig...She had to make a choice, didn’t she? Promised Johnny she would. But I guess she never expected to have to say it aloud. He knew. After all that time, the ups and downs, he knew her answer. She’d delay it for a little while longer. 

“All the time in the world now – can’t fuckin’ leave. Think those corpo rats are gonna let you past the border back into the NUSA? Sittin’ ducks. Prolly gonna have to go from motel room to motel room for the rest of our lives, never knowin’ peace.” 

“Gettin’ pretty grim there, Johnny. I mean, we got the money to rent a place here. Not like I can’t find some big city to do merc work in...” But somehow that seemed wrong here. Like they’d been given a clean slate…

“That what you want?” V shrugged, always knowing Johnny could read her better than she could read herself at times. She didn’t know all that she wanted anymore. Mostly she just wanted him, but even then she knew she couldn’t just lean on him and have him make the choices for her. “I mean really – you wanna dive back into a lifestyle that chewed you up, spit you out, and dumped you in a landfill? Wanna go back to somethin’ that takes the fuckin’ life outta you each gig?” 

“Alright, well what’re you gonna do? That motel talk, talk about Kerry, all sounds like you wanna relive the glory days of Samurai – world tour with your best girl in tow.” Bitter words exchanged between them, but it was a cover. 

They knew it was a cover. And like all covers one can’t help but think of the original, wonder what it sounded like if it was something the person had never heard before. V had that feeling once when she listened to Kerry’s version of “Chippin’ In,” knowing it was cover from his old band. And when she listened to the original she never thought she’d be sitting on a roof top under the Canadian stars with the man who screamed all his hatred into a microphone. 

“Okay, so we’re at a loss. Fuck...how long has it been since I’ve actually had to think about what I’m gonna do next? It was always like the damn plot was movin’ for me, and now I’m just...” V waved her free arm, trees of the Canadian wilderness in front of her. 

“Nah I get it...Feels the same as when I left the fuckin’ army, spent that time lyin’ back. Least this time I don’t have to go it alone. Though if we’re spendin’ months lookin’ at a ceiling fan I got a feelin’ we might need to get checked for sex addiction.” 

“’Might?’ ‘Checked?’ Johnny. You’re in the fuckin’ book as the example of sex addiction – just draggin’ me along ‘cause I’m the nearest thing to fuck.” 

“Drink to that!” And they did. And they did. And they did until they were both so drunk they couldn’t think because it was the only thing that made sense to them in the moment. And it was the only thing that continued to make sense to them for hours, watching as V warmed up from the cold, lying her back as Johnny ran around the roof, screaming nonsense. 

“And it's my mother, And she says ‘Hi honey, how's Boston?’, And I stand there, all alone on New Year's Eve, Buck naked, drenched in champagne, lookin’ at a bunch of strangers, Lookin’ at them, lookin’ at me, lookin’ at them, and I say:, ‘Oh, I'm fine Mom, how's Washington?’.” 

“Johnny what does that even mean!?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know, V!? I’m fuckin’ blasted on grain alcohol, out in the middle of damn Canada, and I hate it here! And I keep thinkin’ of all the times you fucked me over, and all the times I fucked you up, and all the times I said I hate you! But I don’t! And I love you more than anythin’ else in the world!” Trying so hard to follow him, V watched as Johnny continued to pace, and how he had so much coordination while drunk she’ll never know. 

“Those lyrics or you speakin’ from the heart? ‘Cause I gotta say, I love you too.” Standing up, she stumbled, falling back to the ground in a heap, different than the one she was in before. 

“Nah, V. Ain’t lyrics. But if I had to write some ‘bout you they’d be nicer than that. Fuck it! We dunno what to do next, why don’t we just to do this? Drink on the roof of some motel room, scream shit at each other, and fuck all else! We got each other, that’s all that matters!” 

And in the morning, when they were hung over, taking turns puking in the shitty motel toilet, V made the executive decision that they were not, in fact, going to be doing that day in and day out. V forgot she wasn’t some spry twenty-something, and Johnny probably forgot he was about to turn forty. Not for them.

But what was for them? 

The gig was done. 

The truck Rogue gave them still had the camper attached, and Johnny had this idea that they should go live in it, driving around the Canadian countryside like a couple of Nomads. And when V hit him with “Isn’t that desire what got us here in the first place – me wantin’ to go off fuck know’s where?” he only responded that it was different now. It was, certainly, and it was the best plan either of them had come up with in the past twenty-four hours. So, they set out on removing the medical equipment from the camper, hacking it to the nearest junk seller, and buying a mattress and shit to fill it with to make a home. 

Two weeks in, sitting at a diner, coffee warming her cold hands, winter fast approaching, and she was sure they were damn near Alaska at this point, she looked at Johnny, he looked back, and they both knew what the other wanted to say. 

“I’m bored outta my fuckin’ mind,” V was the one who bit that out, and Johnny just nodded, adding sugar to his coffee, even though he hated it. Gave him something to complain about after, and V knew he needed that. 

“Alright, so I said that all that mattered was that we had each other, but I’m thinkin’ we need somethin’ else. Not that I don’t mind rollin’ around with you, but I’m sick and fuckin’ tired of actin’ like some retired couple livin’ out their twilight years.” Drinking the coffee, V suffered through the same rant as always, about how synthetic sugar is so much worse than regular sugar, and she just ate her eggs, cutting in when he was done. 

“Got a point. I love every minute I spend with you...But fuck, Johnny. Who are we now? I mean shit, Nomad life isn’t even this boring – least I’m doin’ runs and breakin’ up family fights. Only positive is we don’t fight anymore, but damn...” 

Johnny dipped his toast into the runny yolk of some sunny side up eggs, and V sipped her coffee, waiting for him to continue talking. “Got anymore relatives that you wanna zero?” 

“Got anymore towers you wanna bomb? Smashers you wanna off?” He shook his head. “Fuck, I don’t even get nightmares that often anymore...I’m safe. No worries...And I feel like I should be causin’ problems. Takin’ heads off. Smugglin’ people ‘cross borders. Fightin’ with you over some shit we didn’t talk about, ‘cause all we do now is talk. And it’s nice...And I dunno what to do with ‘nice’!”

“Glutton for conflict – we both are. All we knew was the thrill of the fight, the pull of rebellion and defiance. If we weren’t fightin’ a common enemy we made one out of each other. Can’t do that...Don’t wanna either, but right now we can’t. Wake up each mornin’, I look over at you ‘cause you sleep in ‘til I force you up, and damn...I’m happy.” Reaching over, V took his hand, tracing her thumb over the tail of the snake he had there. “Not chasin’ some pipe dream of a future with you. Not gettin’ your naked body tattooed on mine ‘cause I think it’ll placate me for a moment.” 

Looking at the tattoo on his arm, V snorted, thinking that when she first saw it she was so far from this moment. Cleaning him up, patching his wounds, all after some fight because she was too lost to find how to tell him something she should have just admitted. And she had to think about how much it took for her to get here, holding his hand, “Johnny + V” in her peripherals. And here she was, complaining that she was bored out of her mind, when they could tell each other stories from lives that felt like they lived a thousand of. Child soldier, Samurai front man, part time merc, terrorist, engram, lover. Traumatized Nomad, transient wanderer, hot shot merc, engram vessel, flighty bitch, lover. Ending each journey of the soul with the other. 

“This the future you imagined with me?” 

“Nah – imagined you’d be naked more often.” He winked, she rolled her eyes, actions habitual. 

“If I was naked more we’d be in trouble. But, I’m happy too. Not exactly the future I envisioned either, but I can’t complain to wakin’ up each mornin’, seein’ your face. More than I coulda ever asked for. Just wish we weren’t so fuckin’ bored.” Meal paid for, they walked back to the truck, climbing in the front, looking at a map of the county to plot their next destination. 

“Been two weeks – promise you. Trouble’ll find us. And if it doesn’t, I say we make a little for ourselves. ‘Cause I still really fuckin’ hate that we’re out here. Ya know, I thought Biotechnica was bad back in Cali, but here? Even worse.” 

“Thought the government was your enemy?” 

“Who do ya think runs the government, V? Been this way for over a hundred years. Nothin’ new. But I still feel like it’s shit. Could always take down another corp. ‘Saka still ain’t recovered yet.” Traffic out in the country was nonexistent, allowing V to leisurely drive off into the distance, not worrying about other people around her. 

“When a corp decides to shove another engram in my head we can take one down. ‘Til then, maybe we should stick to not doin’ that. Got this feelin’ that we can’t take down a corp just the two of us. And before you start goin’ on how we stormed ‘Saka Tower together, alone, remember we had a lot of help to get there.”

“Last person to bring that up was you, princess. ‘One woman army’ remember?” She did in fact remember that, and fuck it seemed so long ago. “But you’re right...I still wanna.” 

Lull in the conversation, music on the radio, songs neither knew. And V expected Johnny to break the silence like he always did, talk about some random topic that buzzed around in his head, discuss the old days or play twenty questions like they didn’t know everything about the other. But, the ringtone of Johnny’s holo was going off, and that was rare. Even more rare was the face he made, eyebrows raised, shit eating grin appearing for the first time in a while.

_“Well hello my two mercs. Know you promised V one last gig, but I need some help. Got into some deep shit, and I think you two are the only ones who can help me.” _Cunningham features on the screen of the holo, blonde hair being flipped over a shoulder, and V let out a cheer, thinking Johnny had the right idea when he said trouble would land in their laps soon enough.__

__“Mel, oh Mel, oh Mel. And what did our Netrunnin’ friend get into today?”_ _

___“Oh Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, I will need you two to meet me. Stayed in Canada, right?” ____ _

____V spoke next, barely containing her excitement. “Fuck yeah we did! Hate it here! Hope you’re tellin’ us we get to leave? Find a way to smuggle you outta here, off to some unknown land ‘cause you made an enemy of providence?”_ _ _ _

_____“I don’t think I need to answer that, and certainly not over the holo. But, I’ll flick you the place to meet, be there when you can, alright?” ____ _ _ _

______She hung up, cheery voice gone from the cab, and V waited for Johnny to punch in the location. A day’s drive._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Alright – hit me with your choice. Whaddya gonna do now that we’ve closed the gig or some shit?” Johnny had a finger out, twirling it, making her hurry her choice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“C’mon, we need to do that? Didn’t dump your ass in --”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Humor me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Nah, thinkin’ we need to part ways.” He snorted, she laughed, and damn if it wasn’t starting to feel like the old days. “Pain of losin’ me sting? Good. Now...Okay, so Johnny. I think I have one last gig for us. After that you can decide what ya wanna do with me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hands behind his head, looking out in front of him, he just smiled. “Yeah, alright. One last gig, V. Sounds like it’ll be a fun time.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“This gonna be a thing now?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Prolly.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Great.”_ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I may have promised an epilogue, but I like where this has ended. Myself as the author just thinks this is where they should end. Renewing that one last gig. Just feels right, and I don't need to add more. So to all those who have read and enjoyed this story, thank you <3 I really loved this one a lot, and it was very much just a fun little ride :3


End file.
